Before you start thinking that Night Court is just underrated yet dated NBC comedy from the late-80’s/early-90’s, let me remind you that the real Manhattan night court is, apparently, a tourist attraction.

Now, I’m not sure that the real night court celebrates Halloween–nor would I want to visit Manhattan’s nightcourt on Halloween in order to find out–but in NBC’s version the court is bubbling over with Halloween cheer. The lovable judge of the night court, Harry, is particularly excited about the holiday, having recently fallen in love with a woman whom he directed to the traffic court.

Sadly, it’s not long before the honeymoon is over. She appears in Harry’s court a few days later having been arrested for destruction of public property and disturbing the peace. She “danc[ed] robustly through Central Park.” Oh yeah and she built a bonfire. Because she is a witch. It was a witch thing. Oh and also the mom from The Goonies is a witch too and she was there with her. (She was dancing naked by the bonfire. Yep, sorry, now you have that image in your mind.) Of course, Harry has to recuse himself from the case. But what of their romance?? Will Harry recuse himself from that too? More, after the jump!

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Lol. Just kidding, of course there is no jump. Ugh, I hate when people do that. But I would like to take this time to apologize for the lame ads that WordPress is probably making you view on this site. It’s because I’m cheap and I didn’t pay for premium. I didn’t even pay for my own domain. Can you get any cheaper??

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Well, I guess maybe there was a jump, after all. Sorry. So yeah Harry’s skeptical of the legitimacy of her witch-claims. So she proves it to him by zapping a miniature chandelier into his hand. Kind of an odd choice. But okay.

So he says, “You really believe you’re a witch?” Uh, no shit dude. How do you think you ended up with a light fixture in your hand??? At this point you should believe it too.

And she says, “It’s not what I believe. It’s what I am.”

And he says, “I believe that you are the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. And I’m gonna fight like hell before I even think about giving you up.”

Okay, calm down, no one said anything about having to give one another up. As they embrace at the resolution of a drama that existed only in their own minds, a journalist shows up and wants to interview them about their “compromising position.” But she tells some stupid story about how they’ve known each other since the second grade. She says Harry’s just offering her free legal advice because she once gave him lunch money. It works and the journalist is bored enough to leave them alone.

Then Harry asks her to stop being a witch. Why??? And then they realize that neither of them could ask the other to change. Thus, they can never be together. BUT WHY??

Then they have a super weird conversation that I do not understand. If you understand it, please explain it to me in the comments.

Harry: Suppose, you walk out one night and there’s this message blazing across the sky or there’s a burning bush and it’s got my name on it.
Witch: (sobbing) You’d be the first one I call.
Harry: Fine. Just as long as we’re clear on that.
(She runs away in tears.)

Very Special Halloween Lesson: If you meet a cool person and you want to date each other then do it. Don’t make up stupid, potentially discriminatory against witches, reasons not to.