beth broderick

I know I said Halloweek would start tomorrow, but then I watched the Sabrina the Teenage Witch reunion, so surprise, I’m posting today!

Melissa and Joey: Witch Came First

JOEY LAWRENCE HAS BLONDE HAIR? WHAT? This is starting off very poorly.

However, Beth Broderick has the most soothing voice ever, so I’ll deal with it. Beth Broderick (a.k.a. Aunt Zelda) shows up at Melissa’s house and tells her that she’s not really a gynecologist (Mel thinks she is her gynecologist). It turns out that Mel grew up in the other realm under Dr. Raddler’s care, but Dr. Raddler put her under a spell in the mortal realm to save the other realm from the dark lord.

Unfortunately, the Dark Lord has risen and Mel needs to use her special powers to protect the other realm. Dr. Raddler gives her a sparkly cell phone called a “Spell Phone” that has an “Ebook of incantations.” Mel has a bit of trouble using her powers until some blond girl (who I think is her daughter and is named Lennox) complains that her costume is not cat-like enough. Mel wishes that she was the most realistic cat ever and turns her into an actual cat kind of like Salem.

The dark lord shows up in Mel and Joey’s house in the form of a possessed animatronic halloween doll. Even though Mel is still figuring out her powers, she is so powerful that she manages to disarm him. Joey also strong arms him and then they argue about who really defeated him.

In the meantime, Joey has accidentally chased Lennox off the lawn (she had to pee) so Mel goes outside to look for her. When he tries to move the dark lord’s corpse, Joey becomes possessed by the dark lord. Did you guys know that you can say bitch on ABC Family now? I learned that you can because Mel calls Joey (the dark lord) a bitch when he throws a butcher knife and ruins her custom maple cabinets.

Luckily, Mel has managed to turn Lennox back into a human kind of (she looks like one of the cast members from Cats but that costume is her actual body). Lennox has the answer to their problems. She tells Mel that all she has to do to kill the dark lord is tell Joey that she loves him. (The power of love, duh.) The Joey kind of but not really dies because he says that he and the dark lord cannot both live, but Mel revives him with a kiss. Then she decides to lose her powers forever so that she can live in the mortal realm with her family. Aw. Love.

Very Special Lesson: I expected this to suck and it didn’t. Woah! Happy Halloween, guys!

Normally, I don’t read ET but I got lured in by news of Renee Zellweger’s face-change. I get it, her body/her choice, Hollywood’s obsession with a narrow definition of “beauty,” the sexist nature of commenting on a woman’s body, (insert reason why I shouldn’t even be writing this sentence here), but honestly I am just shocked by the transformation. And I am 100% confident in saying that I would be shocked and also googling this if any male celebrity, next door neighbor, or my godmother’s cat underwent such a transformation.

While on the ET website I also learned about how Sarah Jessica Parker crossed a “please don’t stand on stairs” sign at Carrie Bradshaw’s brownstone in order to show off her new shoe line, but that’s not what I’m here to tell you about today. The third and final thing I read on the ET website is that there will be a SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH REUNION tonight on Melissa and Joey at 8 pm ET/7 pm CT. This will also be a Halloween episode! Aunt Zelda will be there (no Hilda wahhh major sad face) and also a cat named Warlock, who was the final live-action Salem from the show. The premise will be something along the lines of Melissa has been Sabrina the whole time, but she was put under a spell in order to protect her from the “dark lord,” and thus has no memory of who she really is. I don’t watch Melissa and Joey, so I have no idea if it’s a good show or if this reunion will seriously mess with some continuity, but I think I may check it out tonight. And of course I wanted to alert all of you to the news as well!

ET won’t let me embed videos, so if you want to see the promo then you have to give them a little site traffic.