Oh my gosh, Blossom actually spends 4 whole episodes in Paris! What have I committed myself to??

Blossom: Blossom goes to Paris to find her mother, who is a singer in a night club. Her mom thinks it’s just a visit, but Blossom pretty much plans to live there permanently. Her brothers want an inexpensive trip to Paris, so they decide to become couriers. They accept a job at a sketch office and both carry one package together to Paris. They’ve unknowingly accepted a job from the mob and even their dad isn’t skeptical of this arrangement. Meanwhile, Six tries to find an interim best-friend while Blossom is away. OMG BRITTANY  MURHPY IS IN THIS EPISODE. But only for 3 seconds. She’s one of Six’s potential friends.
Blossom’s mom bails on her for dinner, much like she bailed on their family, and Blossom befriends/romances the waiter. Meanwhile, Vinnie plans to fly to Paris to ask Blossom to marry him, even though they are like 16. Her life is so dramatic.
After a freaking eternity, Joey and Tony grow suspicious and decide to look at what’s in the package they’re carrying. Just as they open-it, they see a mobster (who they recognize from their flight over) staring them down. They he chases them all across Paris. But they’re literally running the whole time, so this seems like a cheap attempt at “integration of European setting” to me.
Blossom and the waiter start making out and then Vinnie just happens to bump into them right at that moment. Then some other stuff happens. Vinnie appears to be trying to make Blossom jealous with some French chick whiles some adult contemporary music plays. This song is performed by “The Party,” who I am pretty sure were the band in the Disneyland episode.
Vinnie gets in touch with his anger about his mom abandoning the family. They run from the mob some more. But it turns out that the “mobster” following them is Bolivian secret service agent, whereas some random lady was the black market contact that they were supposed to deliver the package to.
Six’s mom and Blossom’s dad consider dating. Geez, there is SO much more than a European vacation packed into this crap. They make-out.
Vinnie and Blossom get back together, of course. Blossom tells her mom that she can’t live with her because they would end up hating each other. Blossom leaves and her two brothers show up. They ask their mom to come home with them and she says no.
Blossom tells her dad that he’s the kind of parent she needs. But somehow, even with all of that plot, Blossom managed to be boring as hell.

Family Matters: Steve accidentally sends Carl to his pen-pal, Nicole, in Paris. (Well, Carl accidentally stood on Steve’s Urk-Pad, a teleportation device.) But Nicole sends him back safe and sound. Carl had such a good time that he decides to go back with Harriet and Eddie. Steve decides to visit Nicole at the same time that the Winslows take their trip. Also, Laura and Stefon go to Paris on one super-long date.
On their first day in Paris, Eddie nearly destroys a cafe. So he has to work there for two weeks in order to avoid going to prison. Also, Stefon becomes a model. And then he and Steve agree to star in a commercial together. Nicole tries to seduce Steve, but Steve is loyal to Myra. This is so bizarre because Myra is kind of awful and Nicole seems cool, but to each his own. But it turns out Nicole only likes him for his Urk-Pad.
Then Stefon and Laura are in a fashion show and her dad does the Arsenio dog pound cheer from the front row. Stefon is such a hit that he has an offer to live in Paris and become a supermodel.

Oh and I almost forgot, Nicole and some jerk have kidnapped Steve at gunpoint because they want to steal his Urk-Pad. Only, his kidnappers are afraid to try the Urk-Pad. So they make Steve demonstrate it. Right after Steve steps on the Urk-Pad, the idiot man who kidnapped him realize that he’s getting away, so he grabs on to him and they end up in Carl and Harriet’s hotel room.Then some kind of musical Urk-Pad hopping occurs, and they all end up back in the theater where Steve was being held hostage. The Winslows and Steve fight off his captors.
Laura tells Stefon she wants him to come back to Chicago with her, but urges him to stay in Paris to see what he can make of his career.
The kidnappers chase Steve up the eiffel tower. The kidnapper-man hangs Steve over the side of the eiffel tower to make him tell him how the Urk-Pad works. Then he actually does push Steve off the eiffel tower, but Carl turns on the Urk-Pad on the ground below, which sends Steve back to Chicago instead of splattered on the sidewalk.

Scoring Breakdown:

Blossom: Music + Bonus Point for Brittany Murphy = 2 points
Family Matters: Vacation Attire + Overall Plot + Integration of European Setting = 4 points

Next Week on The Very Special Blog: Growing Pains vs. Taxi