So we all know how Zack is the perfect most caring, cool dude ever right? Wrong. Zack hates fat people.

Hard times have fallen on the Bayside Student Council and they do not have the money to pay for new cheerleading uniforms. If you doubted that 90’s fashion is back in full swing, then look no further because the dude who suggests that they have a fundraiser for cheerleading uniforms is dressed exactly like no less than fifteen men in my office at any given time.

Zack decides that a fundraiser is a great time to auction of people as dates because you know sex sells. But wait. It’s not creepy. Jessie says that it is creepy, but Kelly and Lisa say it is not creepy. And if there is one thing I’ve learned from Bayside, it’s that Kelly and Lisa make the rules.

At the date auction, no one bids on Slater. That’s because Jessie has threatened all of them.

But then Kelly feels bad for Slater and she pays $10 to put him out of his misery. So then Jessie blindly bids on the next person without even seeing him and it turns out to be Screech.

A girl whose name Zack couldn’t even remember when he tried to flirt with her at The Max bids $75 on him. Gross. But then our very special guest star (Wendy) pays $100 dollars and wins the date! Zack is such a jerk almost immediately, treating her as if being large is some kind of highly contagious form of Leprosy.

But wait! This is a two for the price of one very special episode!

Lisa buys a date with the guy who suggested the fundraiser, but he thinks she is an idiot and that hurts her feelings.

2 women. 1 scorned for her body. 1 scorned for her brain.

Lisa decides to totally change her personality à la Sandy from Grease, whereas Zack constantly ignores Wendy and lies in order to avoid hanging out with her. But Wendy catches him in the lie and decides to go to the dance alone.

So how does Zack learn to stop being such a shallow turd person? Well, he tells Jessie to stop whining about having to go to the dance with Screech because he is a nice person and she will hurt his feelings. Then Jessie is all like woah this is exactly like your situation with Wendy! And Zack is all like omg how have I been so awful?

Zack decides to reconnect with Wendy at the dance, but she won’t have anything to do with him. She’s not interested in dancing with him just so he can stop feeling guilty. (I love this girl.)

Lisa only realizes that her date is a jerk when he insults all of her friends. Agh, too real. But at least she figured it out after only one date.

Finally, Zack tells Wendy that he would really like to dance with her because he likes her. They agree to hang out at The Max after the dance and then we never see her again.

Very Special Lesson: Be nice to the uncool kid once to prove that you are not a jerk, but then you never have to talk to her again.