Stan shows up with at the girls’ house and tries to get them to invest in a new business plan for manufacturing fake vomit. They slam the door in his face, of course.

Meanwhile, it’s really hot in Florida on December 23rd. None of the girls feel like shopping, so Dorothy decides that they should try “Secret Santa” this year so that they only have to pick out one gift. The only problem is that no one wants to be the recipient of a gift from Rose. She gives really weird gifts, like Yodeling Lessons. And Blanche is going to be stuck with a Rose gift this year.

But she actually gets her an awesome gift. It’s a really shiny gold blouse, which is definitely something Blanche (or any of the GGs would love to wear). We don’t get to see what they other girls buy for each other. I guess Rose was the only shopper they could make kind of interesting.

Anyway, all of the girls decide to help out a Rose’s church, feeding the homeless. They’re really just looking to unload some fruitcake, but I guess it’s good to get volunteers any way you can. But when they get there they find out that Stan is homeless. He put every last penny into a novelty item of Santa wearing sunglasses and driving a fire engine. But the supplier only delivered the Santas on Christmas Eve. Oh and also Stan’s wife has thrown him out of the house.

Wow. I actually feel bad for Stan.

Rose’s priest tells the girls all about homelessness and how most people are only two or three paychecks away from being homeless. And it turns out that nothing has changed in 30 years: stagnant wages, rising rent, you know the drill.

But Dorothy gives Stan a pep talk on how he once saved Christmas for their kids when they had no money. He convinced them that Christmas was actually December 26th and stole a tree from someone’s trash. He decorated it and they all had a nice holiday. I guess you can kind of see why Dorothy once loved this guy.

So Stan gives all of the little homeless kids the novelty fire trucks and I’m actually tearing up. Ahhh damn you, Golden Girls.

Very Special Lesson: Even jerks can be okay sometimes and if they’re okay around the holidays then that’s even better.