As Told by Ginger: Stuff’ll Kill Ya

as_told_by_ginger-showAs Told By Ginger was one of my favorite shows in 2000. I was an awkward preteen and here was the perfect show that depicted exactly that. It was a cartoon (yay, kid stuff!) that talked about puberty (ugh, awkward stuff) and perfectly reflected exactly where I was at that time in my life. Plus, my girl Macy Gray sang the theme song. What I didn’t realize is that this show produced episodes long after I stopped watching. In fact, today’s episode first aired in 2006 and talks about the dangers of COFFEE! (Insert hyperbolic gasp here).

That’s right, this isn’t even a caffeine pills episode, people. This is straight up filtered coffee from the coffee shop. Now, when I last saw Ginger, she was a student at Lucky Jr. High. But she’s moved up in life and is now attending high school.

For all intents and purposes in this episode, coffee is cocaine. Ginger overhears a couple of “cool girls” illicitly discussing a “Mocoloco Frothinator” that allows them to finish the overwhelming amount of homework they have to do each night. So Ginger goes out in search of the cure for her exhaustion.

Suddenly it’s after 12:30 in the morning and Ginger crashes. But she has to wake up for school of course–except that she doesn’t wake up until after 10 am. And her mom won’t write her a sick note. Ugh. So Ginger guzzles some more coffee (which by the way is making me have major coffee cravings) and doesn’t even bother to change out of the close she wore the day before. She has rapid, pressured speech and generally acts like a spaz.

mv5bmtq0mju5odewnl5bml5banbnxkftztgwnty1mjyymje-_v1_uy268_cr870182268_al_Her mother and friends confront her at the coffee shop. And even though she only had her first coffee less than 24 hours earlier, she has no idea how many she’s had. Ginger’s mom forces her to throw out her coffee (which is actually 6 coffees in a carry-out container, I should point out.)

“Anything that alters your body or mind is a strict no-no,” her mom says. Well, I guess that makes me kind of a crack-baby then because I’ve been drinking milky coffee since I was four. So basically, Ginger just goes to bed and gets a good night’s rest. She also falls asleep in class that day…so maybe like a harm reduction model was necessary here. But instead, Ginger (and her mom) cold turkey quit coffee.

My mom cold turkey quit coffee once and she got the shakes. So yes, I’m saying that I come from a family of caffeine addicts. But since none of us have hypertension, I’d like to think we’re all just super passionate about lowering our risks for Parkinson’s and liver cancer. Although what’s this about a fairly common genetic mutation?? Well, I may have to under go genetic testing now. Great, thanks Blogging from A to Z. This has been a really productive challenge for me so far.

Very Special Lesson: Ignore Ginger and drink lots of coffee. (This post was not paid for by Starbucks. I promise.) Unless you have that very specific (yet common) genetic mutation I just read about, then you should watch your coffee intake. (Please consult your primary care physician and not this blog.)

3 Reasons Why I Will Never Post About Jesse Spano

We’ve been together for several weeks now on The Very Special Blog, during which time you have probably noticed that I love Saved by the Bell. Perhaps, you have picked up on the fact that I scour all of the episode listings in order to find any episode that even kind of fits my interpretation of the “very special episode” so that I can share my love of said episode with you on the internet. I find that watching Saved by the Bell is my sitcom equivalent of going to Walt Disney World and thus I will find any excuse to make it happen as frequently as possible without ruining the magic that is this blissful nostalgia bond.

That being said, I’d like to go ahead and address the elephant in the room. I know you’ve probably all be wondering when I will post about the infamous “Jesse’s Song” a.k.a I’m So Excited: The Caffeine Pill Addiction. Well, the truth is I won’t be posting about it. And here are some reasons why:

  1. I think we all need to give Jesse a break.
    Sure we all know that as far as addictions go, caffeine pills are the most tame by far. But of all the Saved by the Bell characters, Jesse was totally the most likely to become an addict. I think she was the only character that ever felt any kind of actual pressure in life. I mean sure they all went through “rough times” but Jesse was trying really hard to make good grade, do 700 extracurricular activities, and overcome the patriarchy. That’s a lot of work for any seventeen year old, especially one with a type-A personality. As far as I’m concerned, we should all be grateful that Jesse got her hands on some caffeine pills and not amphetamines like Liv Tyler in Empire Records.
    Liv was having a hard time in that movie.
  2. I too am a caffeine addict.
    I don’t think I’m in any kind of position to judge Jesse Spano. There have been multiple occasions where I’ve thought to myself, “Maybe I should give caffeine pills a try.” Look, I see that  Jesse Spano clearly used them to excess, but I work long hours and I don’t get a ton of breaks, so I have to wonder if the occasional pill might be a little convenient for when I can’t get my hands immediately on a cup off coffee. Personally, I’m still waiting for the day where they invent an IV drip for caffeine, but I understand that is not really a priority in the medical profession. But long story short, I love coffee. I love the taste, I love the smell, and I love the eye popping affect it has when I’m falling asleep at my desk. I simply cannot judge her for hammering back the caffeine.
    On all of those Buzzfeed quizzes where they tell you to pick your favorite drug and all of the options are like smoking weed, drinking alcohol, or doing coke… I seriously consider picking the cocaine option because it is the most chemically similar to coffee. And then I think to myself, “My God, what is wrong with me?!” Luckily, they usually tuck a steaming latte picture somewhere in the bottom corner of the quiz options, so I’m always able to save my dignity at the last minute. (Kids, it’s NOT really that similar. Little changes in chemical properties make a big difference in the real world and no one should become a cocaine addict because they’re sleepy.)
A damn fine cup of coffee!
  1. There’s nothing left to say.
    I don’t feel that I have anything interesting to add to the I’m so excited discussion. In the years since the episode aired it has become one of the most talked about and most parodied very special episodes of all time. My personal favorites are Bayside! The Musical! and that time Elizabeth Berkley herself recreated the scene on Dancing with the Stars.
    The ladies of Bayside! The Musical!

If you were not wondering why I haven’t posted about Jesse’s caffeine pill addiction and subsequently are wondering why I am writing this post about not writing a different post, then I hope you enjoyed the list either way.