Brotherly Love: Witchcraft

TSDBRLO EC003It’s Halloween and the Romans (a.k.a. The Lawrence brothers) are busy planning their nights. Matt has FINALLY been asked to a party, Joe is taking Andy trick or treating at the mall, Claire (Joe’s step-mom, Matt & Andy’s mom) is going to a party, and Lloyd (one of the mechanics at the family business) has plans to watch “the scariest movie of all time,” The Sound of Music. (“The hills are alive!”)

Claire takes forever to decide on a costume. There’s a lot of pressure on this night, since she hardly ever goes out. She finally settles on being a piece of gum stuck under a chair. It’s, um, certainly original. The costume consists of dressing from head to toe in pink (the toe part consisting of fuzzy pink slippers).

screen-shot-2016-09-25-at-5-36-43-pmAnd just to make it clear that she’s not simply bubble gum, she wears a chair-hat. The chair/gum scale is off for obvious reasons. I can only assume she didn’t want to break her neck in order to ensure the authenticity of her costume. But this basically means she looks not like a wad of gum, but rather a woman wearing a chair-hat.

Meanwhile, Matt sits at home handing out candy to trick-or-treaters, waiting to go to the party until Joe returns home with Andy. Andy’s costume is Spider Man dressed as a ghost. (He’s wearing a Spiderman Mask under a bed sheet.) Joe takes him to a kid’s party at the mall and flirts with a fortuneteller while Andy plays with his friends. The fortuneteller is obviously Lou, a mechanic at his garage. But I guess he’s so confused by her harem mask that he doesn’t recognize her. This makes it abundantly apparent how rarely he looks at her eyes.

hqdefault1When the fortuneteller accurately guesses Andy’s costume, Joe pays her $10 to tell his fortune. Back at home, Matt stingily hands out  candy based on the quality of the kids’ costumes. Geez, he’s way too young to be this much of a curmudgeon. When some college kids stop by his apartment to trick-or-treat (already super creepy) sans costumes (cannot decide if this makes it more or less creepy), Matt refuses to give them candy (duh, I mean isn’t it illegal to trick-or-treat after a certain age), so they hang him on the Halloween wreath on Lloyd’s door.

Wait, hold on. Lloyd also lives above the garage? Does Lou also have an apartment there? Is housing like a fringe benefit of being a mechanic at that place?? When he discovers that the college kids took all of the candy, Lloyd leaves the apartment to hunt them down. He also leaves Matt on the door, whoops.

Lou was very into the 90’s belly shirt fad

In his hurry to get home, Joe accidentally kidnaps a child. To be fair, she’s also dressed as a ghost/sheet person. But she’s Casper, not Spiderman/Ghost. Joe rushes back to the mall to retrieve Andy and return the kid he took by mistake. In his haste, he doesn’t stop to help Matt off of the wreath. Vulnerable and alone, Matt is egged by Halloween pranksters.

Back at the diner, the little girl’s dad has accidentally mistaken Andy for his child. He and Joe are relieved to see one another and switch their children before Joe heads home again. Luckily, by the time he gets back Lloyd has found the college kids and forced them to clean up everyone’s apartments. They then decide that Matt is cool and invite him to go a party with them, which just so happens to be the party he’s been trying to attend all night anyway.

Joe apologizes to Andy for leaving him behind at the mall. Andy tells him not to worry and that he was okay because he was with Lou. (OBVIOUSLY.) And of course, what’s the one thing that no Halloween episode is complete without? A Very Special Halloween Lesson!

Best Halloween Dialogue:
Matt (on the phone): Iris, slow down. What’s Debbie’s costume? She’s Madonna? From which album? The book? Oh, what page?

European Vacation: Blossom vs. Family Matters

Oh my gosh, Blossom actually spends 4 whole episodes in Paris! What have I committed myself to??

mayim-bialik-1024Blossom: Blossom goes to Paris to find her mother, who is a singer in a night club. Her mom thinks it’s just a visit, but Blossom pretty much plans to live there permanently. Her brothers want an inexpensive trip to Paris, so they decide to become couriers. They accept a job at a sketch office and both carry one package together to Paris. They’ve unknowingly accepted a job from the mob and even their dad isn’t skeptical of this arrangement. Meanwhile, Six tries to find an interim best-friend while Blossom is away. OMG BRITTANY  MURHPY IS IN THIS EPISODE. But only for 3 seconds. She’s one of Six’s potential friends.
Blossom’s mom bails on her for dinner, much like she bailed on their family, and Blossom befriends/romances the waiter. Meanwhile, Vinnie plans to fly to Paris to ask Blossom to marry him, even though they are like 16. Her life is so dramatic.
After a freaking eternity, Joey and Tony grow suspicious and decide to look at what’s in the package they’re carrying. Just as they open-it, they see a mobster (who they recognize from their flight over) staring them down. They he chases them all across Paris. But they’re literally running the whole time, so this seems like a cheap attempt at “integration of European setting” to me.
Blossom and the waiter start making out and then Vinnie just happens to bump into them right at that moment. Then some other stuff happens. Vinnie appears to be trying to make Blossom jealous with some French chick whiles some adult contemporary music plays. This song is performed by “The Party,” who I am pretty sure were the band in the Disneyland episode.
Vinnie gets in touch with his anger about his mom abandoning the family. They run from the mob some more. But it turns out that the “mobster” following them is Bolivian secret service agent, whereas some random lady was the black market contact that they were supposed to deliver the package to.
Six’s mom and Blossom’s dad consider dating. Geez, there is SO much more than a European vacation packed into this crap. They make-out.
Vinnie and Blossom get back together, of course. Blossom tells her mom that she can’t live with her because they would end up hating each other. Blossom leaves and her two brothers show up. They ask their mom to come home with them and she says no.
Blossom tells her dad that he’s the kind of parent she needs. But somehow, even with all of that plot, Blossom managed to be boring as hell.

tt0096579_s8_e1Family Matters
: Steve accidentally sends Carl to his pen-pal, Nicole, in Paris. (Well, Carl accidentally stood on Steve’s Urk-Pad, a teleportation device.) But Nicole sends him back safe and sound. Carl had such a good time that he decides to go back with Harriet and Eddie. Steve decides to visit Nicole at the same time that the Winslows take their trip. Also, Laura and Stefon go to Paris on one super-long date.
On their first day in Paris, Eddie nearly destroys a cafe. So he has to work there for two weeks in order to avoid going to prison. Also, Stefon becomes a model. And then he and Steve agree to star in a commercial together. Nicole tries to seduce Steve, but Steve is loyal to Myra. This is so bizarre because Myra is kind of awful and Nicole seems cool, but to each his own. But it turns out Nicole only likes him for his Urk-Pad.
Then Stefon and Laura are in a fashion show and her dad does the Arsenio dog pound cheer from the front row. Stefon is such a hit that he has an offer to live in Paris and become a supermodel.

Just look at how well the coordinated that vacation attire! With the set even!
Oh and I almost forgot, Nicole and some jerk have kidnapped Steve at gunpoint because they want to steal his Urk-Pad. Only, his kidnappers are afraid to try the Urk-Pad. So they make Steve demonstrate it. Right after Steve steps on the Urk-Pad, the idiot man who kidnapped him realize that he’s getting away, so he grabs on to him and they end up in Carl and Harriet’s hotel room.Then some kind of musical Urk-Pad hopping occurs, and they all end up back in the theater where Steve was being held hostage. The Winslows and Steve fight off his captors.
Laura tells Stefon she wants him to come back to Chicago with her, but urges him to stay in Paris to see what he can make of his career.
The kidnappers chase Steve up the eiffel tower. The kidnapper-man hangs Steve over the side of the eiffel tower to make him tell him how the Urk-Pad works. Then he actually does push Steve off the eiffel tower, but Carl turns on the Urk-Pad on the ground below, which sends Steve back to Chicago instead of splattered on the sidewalk.

Scoring Breakdown:

Blossom: Music + Bonus Point for Brittany Murphy = 2 points
Family Matters: Vacation Attire + Overall Plot + Integration of European Setting = 4 points

Next Week on The Very Special BlogGrowing Pains vs. Taxi

Brotherly Love: Uptown Girl

mv5bntu2n2y2owqtnzk4yy00m2yzltk2yzktowe4ngzizgfinjhjxkeyxkfqcgdeqxvymti2otm0nzq-_v1_Okay, I’m doing a little “switcheroo” here and so “U” is for “Uptown Girl” in this case.

Also, nothing very special happens in this episode. I’m just cheating because U is a hard letter and because I think 1995 was one of the best years for Joey Lawrence’s hair.

Also, Terry Bradshaw is randomly in this show. He speaks to Andy’s class for some reason. He also has an acting credit from Blossom, so I like to imagine that Joey Lawrence was like hey we gotta get Terry Bradshaw on my new show!

So in this episode Joey dates a rich girl. An “Uptown Girl,” if you will. Joe’s stepmother used to babysit her and even dated her older brother.

Joe gets so caught up in living life in the fast line that he neglects his family. (He doesn’t help Andy with his science project like he promised!)

The rich girl wants Joe to spend all of his time jet-setting with her. Then she forgets who she is talking to and says that Joe’s stepmom could have just married her brother instead of marrying “some loser.” Uh, that loser is Joe’s dad you idiot. She then he realizes she’s a snob. The end.

P.S. Terry Bradshaw ended up helping Andy with his science project.

Very Special Lesson: Being accountable to your family is more important than dating a rich lady.

Brotherly Love: A Roman Holiday

I kind of forgot that this sitcom existed, but I really liked it in the mid-late 90’s. I feel like the Lawrence Brothers were kind of like my elementary school version of Cher’s “Baldwins” in Clueless.

Also, this theme song is really fun! And the opening credits make a junk-yard look like a fun, kid-friendly place! I’ve never been so excited at the prospect of looking for a few still usable tires! Or maybe a carburetor!


And I’m going on record here, Brotherly Love demonstrated Joey Lawrence’s best hair length ever. He should never have his hair shorter or longer than this. And whatever that blond phase was should never happen again.

He looks like a freaking BeeGee! He should tour with Barry Gibb STAT!

If you’re not familiar Brotherly Love, real life brothers Joey, Matthew, and Andrew Lawrence play the “Roman” brothers whose father has just died. Joe is Matt & Andy’s half-brother and he’s getting a little more involved in their lives and getting to know his step-mother. He’s also running their family automotive business (hence the junk-yard in the opening.)


This year, Joe has chosen to spend Christmas Day with his mother instead of with his brothers/step-mother, which means they’ll all celebrate Christmas together on a different day. And Andy is whining like crazy about it. Dude, would YOU spend Christmas with Joe’s mom if it was the other way around? I think not. Sorry,  you get to have two Christmases.

In some ill-fated attempt to be magical about Christmas, this dude named Lloyd (who works at their shop) tells Andy that he and Santa are fishing buddies. Andy then harasses him into calling “Santa” on the phone and Lloyd is all like yes, Santa said that Joe would spend Christmas with you and not his mother. ???? Ugh.


Also, Matthew Lawrence can SING. Did other people know this was a thing? I mean he’s forced into a Christmas pageant in this episode, but his a capella is on point. I’m going to search YouTube for further videos of him singing.

Okay, here is everything that I found–
Baby Matt who has the same haircut as Andy in this show:

Singing in this Christmas Episode:

This Flashback Episode of Boy Meets World:

This Video where the Lawrence Brothers Announce that they’re making music together like but I’m pretty sure they haven’t actually laid down these tracks yet:

Also, watching the video above made me want to listen to Hanson, so here you go:

Whoops, got off track there.

So Andy is whining, Matt is in a pageant he’s not too keen on, and Joe is just trying to spend the holidays with his biological mother because he devotes the other 364 days of his year to his step-mom and half brothers.
Joe learns from Andy that Lloyd promised him that Santa said Joe would stay home for Christmas. By the way, you might recognize Lloyd from the Jonathan Taylor Thomas classic, Tom and Huck, in which he played “Muff Potter.” What a name.

Meanwhile, everyone tries to make Andy feel better. They’re like look we have a white Christmas and a giant surprise Christmas tree! But Andy’s still like everything sucks and screw all of you! But ultimately Andy gets his wish because that white Christmas canceled Joe’s flight.

Very Special Holiday Lesson: If you whine a lot but are also adorable, the universe will grant your wish.

Total Sidenote: Hanson is now brewing craft beer, called “Mmmhops“. If you’ve tried this, please leave a comment and let me know if it’s any good!

Eight Days a Week

I know I said Halloweek would start tomorrow, but then I watched the Sabrina the Teenage Witch reunion, so surprise, I’m posting today!

Melissa and Joey: Witch Came First

JOEY LAWRENCE HAS BLONDE HAIR? WHAT? This is starting off very poorly.Screen Shot 2014-10-23 at 1.21.38 PM

However, Beth Broderick has the most soothing voice ever, so I’ll deal with it. Beth Broderick (a.k.a. Aunt Zelda) shows up at Melissa’s house and tells her that she’s not really a gynecologist (Mel thinks she is her gynecologist). It turns out that Mel grew up in the other realm under Dr. Raddler’s care, but Dr. Raddler put her under a spell in the mortal realm to save the other realm from the dark lord.

Screen Shot 2014-10-23 at 1.30.55 PM

Unfortunately, the Dark Lord has risen and Mel needs to use her special powers to protect the other realm. Dr. Raddler gives her a sparkly cell phone called a “Spell Phone” that has an “Ebook of incantations.” Mel has a bit of trouble using her powers until some blond girl (who I think is her daughter and is named Lennox) complains that her costume is not cat-like enough. Mel wishes that she was the most realistic cat ever and turns her into an actual cat kind of like Salem.

The dark lord shows up in Mel and Joey’s house in the form of a possessed animatronic halloween doll. Even though Mel is still figuring out her powers, she is so powerful that she manages to disarm him. Joey also strong arms him and then they argue about who really defeated him. 

In the meantime, Joey has accidentally chased Lennox off the lawn (she had to pee) so Mel goes outside to look for her. When he tries to move the dark lord’s corpse, Joey becomes possessed by the dark lord. Did you guys know that you can say bitch on ABC Family now? I learned that you can because Mel calls Joey (the dark lord) a bitch when he throws a butcher knife and ruins her custom maple cabinets.

Screen Shot 2014-10-23 at 1.29.38 PMLuckily, Mel has managed to turn Lennox back into a human kind of (she looks like one of the cast members from Cats but that costume is her actual body). Lennox has the answer to their problems. She tells Mel that all she has to do to kill the dark lord is tell Joey that she loves him. (The power of love, duh.) The Joey kind of but not really dies because he says that he and the dark lord cannot both live, but Mel revives him with a kiss. Then she decides to lose her powers forever so that she can live in the mortal realm with her family. Aw. Love.

Very Special Lesson: I expected this to suck and it didn’t. Woah! Happy Halloween, guys!