Walker Texas Ranger: The Children of Halloween

October 24, 2014October 16, 2014 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 2 Comments

Get ready for some seriously frightening television. I never really watched this show except for when I was with my godfather who lives in the country and likes martial arts (so you can see the appeal). It was my understanding that this was a family friendly show, but this episode is the scariest. It is making me not want to leave the house even though I am an adult.

On this Halloween special of Walker, Texas Ranger a little boy is walking home one day when he hears a kid calling form an abandoned warehouse asking for help in this ethereal voice. Look, I’m already freaked out and if I were a child, I would have probably run away. If I ever heard this, I would probably call 911 on my cell phone, but I get it, the kid is 11 and it’s 1998, so of course he runs into the building. He does not see anyone when he gets in there, so he announces that he is going to get some help. When he turns around he sees a mega creepy dude leering at him with a palm full of chloroform. Ahhhhh

Once the kid passes out a woman with spikey orange hair and black lipstick leads them to a van and then a satanic symbol flashes over the screen.

HALLOWEEN IS ABOUT CANDY AND COSUTMES, RIGHT???

No, you were wrong. It’s about satanic child rituals and Walker, Texas Ranger has a thing or two to tell you about that.

Walker assesses the situation and immediately has his deputy (assistant ranger? is that the right term? I don’t know how rangers work) call the FBI. You have to admire a man who is willing to work cooperatively and share his jurisdiction. The symbol is a pentagram, which Walker immediately identifies as a satanic symbol.

What Walker doesn’t know is that the cult is led by a dude with a scary voice named Lucifer who everyone calls “master,” so he is probably actually the devil.

Of course, the devil is no match for a Texas Ranger, so I’m going to sit back, relax, and watch Walker kick some ass. But this music is super creepy.

Admittedly, the investigation is going a bit slow. The combined forces of the Texas Rangers and the FBI so far have consisted of questioning everyone in town who has had any vague record of satanic activity, including some dude who got drunk on peach schnapps and vandalized a few headstones.

Some seductive lady gives Walker a book on satanic ritual. I’m not really sure how all of that went down because I spaced out, but there was some light jazz saxophone playing in the back so that’s how I know it was seductive.

I went to grab some thin mints from my freezer and when I looked at the screen again Walker and his partner are in a house with blood painting on the wall ewwww. There’s also a motion sensor, which then blows up the entire house, but Walker escapes just in time of course.

Meanwhile, the cult has gotten even more brazen with their activities. They straight up chloroform a girl in her yard and then club her foster mom over the head when she comes out to grab them. They also spray paint a pentagram on the side of the house!

As it turns out, the cult is pulling some Hocus Pocus shit on a super dark level. They’re collecting children for a mass sacrifice on Halloween. This is such a scary don’t talk to strangers message. Why Walker, Texas Ranger, why? I thought you were a family friendly show! I’m not sure why I decided to watch this. I thought Chuck Norris would be funny. Whoops.

I promise my next Halloween post will be Boy Meets World. Nice. Safe. Fun.

Halloween Lesson: Do NOT under any circumstance let your children walk near a deserted warehouse. I don’t think this was a lesson we needed to learn. This is a terrible Halloween special. I’m going to go watch The ‘Burbs.

The Very Special Episode Lives!

October 13, 2014October 13, 2014 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 2 Comments

I haven’t watched Saturday NIght Live in years. I stopped watching at a certain point because I felt like it started to suck terribly, and I honestly cannot say whether or not it has gotten any better. However, I do catch a clip from time to time andI love Chris Pratt (and very special episodes), so I felt that I had to share this! It’s like three weeks old, so you may have already seen it. If you haven’t, check it out:

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Just Say Yo

October 8, 2014October 7, 2014 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 5 Comments

It’s prom season in Bel-Air and Will is juggling a lot of activities. He’s working a job, playing basketball, studying, and trying to make time for his girlfriend, Cindy. His cousin Carlton, meanwhile, is upset because he has to deal with a pimple. Poor Will is basically falling asleep standing up, so a teammate offers Will some Speed (which he calls “freeze dried coffee”) to help him have enough energy to get everything done. I think we all know how bad actual dehydrated coffee can be, Jessie’s Song aired 3 years prior, so if caffeine can be that intense then Speed must be really bad.

Just because Will is from a broken home in west Philly, doesn’t mean that Will is going to make poor decisions. He does not take the pills and instead falls asleep at the prom. Carlton, however, does take the Speed—by accident. He is still very distraught about his pimple and mistakenly thinks that the pills are some sort of extra-strength Vitamin E that will immediately clear up his face-situation. This leads to a lot of frantic dancing.

Eventually, Carlton passes out and Will takes him to the hospital. Carlton awakes to learn that he has had his stomach pumped. The nurse tells him he is going to be fine, but he must to stay overnight in the “chemical dependency unit,” which is standard procedure for all substance abusers. Will and Carlton try to talk their way out of this, but the nurse (who used to be a drug addict) won’t hear it. Will’s aunt and uncle praise Will’s good thinking, but he feels guilty because he had the pills in his locker to begin with. It’s still pretty clearly Carlton’s fault for taking unmarked pills, but Will’s conscience gets the better of him and he confesses to his uncle that he had the pills in his locker.

As per usual, Uncle Phil yells at Will and is all like, “My son could have died because of you.” When really it’s like, no your son could have died because he is an idiot and took random pills. Why would Will have unmarked Vitamin E tablets in his locker anyway? He’s the Fresh Prince, he doesn’t get pimples!

Anyway, Uncle Phil makes Will cry and apologize to the entire family, while Carlton nods along like “yeah, you could have killed me.”

Very Special Lesson: If someone breaks into your locker and poisons themselves with something they found the you in no one encouraged them to ingest, then it’s all your fault if they almost die.

7th Heaven: Who Knew?

October 1, 2014September 1, 2020 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ Leave a comment

7th Heaven has to be the most saccharine, didactic, and unrealistic show ever—in other words, it’s perfect for The Very Special Blog. To be honest, I usually cannot stand this show, so there is a good chance that I will never post about it ever again. Yet every now and again the stars align and I get interested in an episode. Here is a math equation for why I am sitting here and watching this show right now:

Barry Watson (handsome and much too authentic for this melodramatic crap) + parents reacting to joint as if it is PCP blunt + Family dog holding said joint in mouth for “profound” emotional effect =
A great way to spend a weeknight.

Matt (Barry Watson) gets a joint from a friend at school. This guy just kinda says something like, “Hey buddy, sorry you can’t hang out with me and the guys tonight, so here’s a joint, Bye.” Matt’s a “good” kid but he hangs on to it anyway because all teenagers are tempted by the forbidden fruit of rebellion, or something like that. When he comes home from school, the joing falls out of his pocket, and the family dog, Happy, picks it up. She does not devour it but simple holds it gently until the patriarch of the Camden family can come home and dislodge it from her mouth whilst cas Screen Shot 2014-09-29 at 9.10.32 PM ually greeting her. Dog as plot device. We are off to a good start.

The Reverend Camden joins the family in the kitchen, eager to begin the witch hunt. He’s playing his own private game of Clue as he suspiciously eyes all of his children. Has Happy been outside today? No. Mary’s eyes are red from allergies (she claims). But she is not the one devouring cookies. Was it Lucy in the hall with the marijuana?

The reverend is certain that the culprit is eldest son Matt, but –like any good mother—his wife attempts to convince him to consider accusing all of their other children as well. Finally, they decide to let their kids invite friends over, so that they can interrogate them as well. In the meantime, the matriarch of the family stashes the joint in her dresser.

In a shocking twist, Lucy discovers the joint while borrowing clothes from her mother’s dresser. Of course, she assumes that her mother is a pothead. Meanwhile, the reverend Screen Shot 2014-09-29 at 9.29.29 PM gives all the kids a good talking too with some real facts about marijuana, such as junkies with “needles in their arms” all started off with someone giving them a joint at a party.

In another shocking twist, the reverend’s wife reveals that she smoked pot as a kid. It’s been decades, but he gives her the cold shoulder because she defied his expectations before he met her.

“How could you just drop a bomb on me like that and then serve eight people and a dog a meatloaf like nothing happened,” he asks her. At this point, you must be wondering, how this could escalate anymore. Well, let me tell you.

The reverend proceeds to ask everyone at the dinner if they think that Lucy’s new friend–who rides a moped and likes reggae music–uses drugs. Then, in an effort to figure out how other parents handle this looming drug issue, the reverend asks Mary’s boyfriend, Wilson, what his father would do if he suspected he was on drugs. Wilson replies that his father periodically drug tests him because he lost all trust in his son when he became a teen father at sixteen. So you know, if you happen to get your girlfriend pregnant in high school, you are probably also a drug user. And if you are incredibly responsible and care for your child even though you are still a teenager…you’re probably still using drugs. Also, can we just take a second and look at Wilson’s backstory? He is eighteen years old, widowed, and father of a two year-old. How did his teen wife die? Was it in childbirth? It would be in childbirth wouldn’t it…

“Some mistakes are like jumping out of a plane.” Wilson says, “Once you do it you can never take it back. It stays with you forever.” So just in case this was not clear to all of you– parenting a tiny human that needs your constant attention and support for the next eighteen years is just as significant as experimenting once with a non-addictive drug.

Finally, it’s time to drive the point home with one of the most terrible stories I have ever witnessed in a sitcom. Matt’s mom confront him directly (such a novel idea) and tells him that she is concerned because she used to smoke pot when she was a teen. She tells him that one of her friends drove home stoned and was killed because he did not stop in time for a red light. Don’t drive under the influence is always a good lesson, and she actually manages to redeem the plot by genuinely relating to her son—except that everything that surrounds this conversation is so ridiculous that it makes it hard to be affected by this heart to heart.

And I say that especially because of the next part, in which the reverend decides that it is best to tell everyone that he will drug test them in order to find out who the druggie is. He then proceeds to shame Matt into admitting in front of the entire family that he brought a joint home from school. This includes shocking eleven year-old Simon into believing that his brother is a total burnout and loser. So even though Matt never smoked the joint, he has been totally vilified—even accused of not being able to keep a job because of his (presumed) drug habit. But by the end of the episode, the only person who has ever done drugs in the Camden family is the mother…twenty-five years earlier…

Very Special Lesson: I just feel like there was a much more reasonable way to handle this. Like what just even happened right now.

Lizzie McGuire: Inner Beauty

September 18, 2014September 11, 2014 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 4 Comments

Lizzie McGuire was this cute little show on Disney in the early 2000’s about three best friends in middle school. Having been a part of a girl-boy-girl best friend group in middle school, I can assure you it’s pretty much the best. I threw Hilary Duff a lot of shade around 2004 and I’d like to personally apologize to her via the internet for that. Not that she ever saw me throwing shade or will ever read this post. I was just jealous of her success and the fact that she seemed like a nice person probably made me hate her even more. But now that I’m looking back on this show, it’s really very sweet and adorable and that makes me feel like I was being a jerk a decade ago. So for that, Hilary, I’m sorry.

In the life of a middle schooler, there a best friends re many very special moments. But things got really serious on one dark day when Lizzie and her bffs made a music video. Aspiring director, Gordo, took photos of Lizzie and Miranda as they practiced their choreography to Play’s “Us Against the World.” I vaguely remembered that song, but I don’t think it was a hit. It is very catchy though. I still have it stuck in my head and I did play it on youtube a couple of times…kinda want to play it again right now. It’s just so catchy!

Anyway, Gordo brings the pictures to school the next day and Miranda (who has just ranted about how she is a total failure because she got a B on a test) freaks out because she believes she looks fat in the picture. Gordo and Lizzie are all like what are you talking about? We, as the audience, also get to view the photo and I can tell you it’s super cute. Miranda is definitely not fat, but props to this episode for getting the whole body dysmorphic aspect down pat. Here’s where things get a little weird. Instead of starting off with a strict diet–but a diet nonetheless–like most people who end up with eating disorders, Miranda skips right to the never eating again ever phase. I understand that we’re on an accelerated schedule with the whole 30-minute time limit thing, but maybe we could have had a time jump and a reference to her erratic eating? Or something a tad more progressive? But no, we get an extreme jump to lunch where Miranda fakes a paper cut in order to get out of consuming some pasta. Well, I think it was pasta. The lunchroom food did look pretty weird. (Also, they live in an environment where they can always eat outside. I don’t think I’ve ever seen these people eating in an actual lunchroom unless the lunch room is an outside courtyard thing.)

Things escalate when Miranda faints at Lizzie’s house while practicing the dance and we learn that she hasn’t eaten anything all day. Lizzie’s mom thinks Miranda is probably dehydrated from all of the dancing, but Lizzie breaks down later and tells her everything. Her advice is to try talking to Miranda and then in a few days if things haven’t improved, she can talk to Miranda and Miranda’s mom. Isn’t this some sort of violation of the mom code? If you know that someone’s kid is starving herself, aren’t you supposed to send out the mom bat signal, pick up the red phone, sound the alarm that this kid needs some help? I’m all of letting kids work things out on their own and I know that eating disorders are delicate situations, but it still seems strange to me that Lizzie’s mom has no moral obligation to at least let Miranda’s mom know the situation.

But it’s a Disney show, so of course the “frienervention” works, and Miranda (realistically) explains that eating was something she could control in her life. She’s miranda been under a lot more pressure than anyone knew–mostly due to the fact that her parents for some reason demanded that their thirteen year old determine her life goals. Miranda feels so much better that she’s able to complete all of her music video choreography even though she hasn’t eaten in the past couple of days. The music video is a more innocent rip off of Britney’s …Baby, One More Time. Though it does feature Miranda and Lizzie in detention dancing on top of a very uncomfortable teacher’s desk. The teacher also dances with them and they hip bump him and it’s kind of strange. Other than that it’s pretty cute and the song is soooo catchy. Here’s a gif: Very Special Lesson: Don’t worry if you’re friend abruptly stops eating, you can always talk it out. Or dance it out.

The Babysitters Club: The Baby-Sitters Remember

September 11, 2014August 20, 2014 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 3 Comments

Once upon a time in the ‘90’s, there was this little gem of a show based on Ann M. Martin’s classic book series about a group of middle school girls who spend their free time in a club devoted to babysitting. This show must have been filmed at Astoria Studios because even Dawn, who is supposed to be from California, sounds like she’s from the tri-state region. If you were a girl child of the ’90’s you could not escape this book series. There was bossy Kristy, artsy Claudia, fashionista Stacey, California Casual Dawn, good-girl Mary Anne, ballerina Jesse, and Mallory who had red hair, wore glasses, and other than that had no defining features. I hated this episode as a kid because I thought it was a flashback episode full of clips from episodes I had never seen. As it turns out, it’s a clip show full of new material. I guess these were ideas Ann M. Martin had but never felt like turning into a full length book, and the TV show decided that these random clips would make the best series finale, which just goes to show you that not all very special episodes are about terrible topics. It’s the last day of school and the BSC is having a slumber party. Jessie is nervous about going to dance camp, Kristy is excited about going to softball camp, and Mary-Anne is totally bummed that she see won’t see her friends every day for two months. All of these thoughts about their impending separation lead the girls to reminisce about how they first began the club.

Is this jersey from a 1970's athletics store? — Is this jersey from a 1970’s athletics store?

Cue Memory #1 in which Kristy is wearing this bizarre jersey that says Sport Shack in some seriously old school lettering. She gets in trouble for cheering when the last bell rings, and some hard-ass teacher makes her write one hundred words about the importance of decorum. Meanwhile, Kristy’s mom is stressing because she can never find a sitter. Most thirteen year-olds would totally ignore this because it’s not really their problem, but like two and a half seconds after talking to her mom, Kristy’s eyes get wild and she casts aside her homework to plot out her magnum opus: The Baby-Stitters Club. She tells everyone how she didn’t think she would survive her first job, in which the mom meets here at the front door and describes how she must keep her rambunctious three year-old twins locked in the laundry room until it’s time to “go out.” Kristy can’t resist the promise of some cold hard cash, so she doesn’t run screaming from this house of apparent child abuse. Luckily, the twins turn out to be two dogs instead of toddlers.

Sure lady, I would be happy to sit for the twins you keep locked away, just as long as I get paid.

Memory#2: The girls head downstairs for snacks and Claudia finds her dead grandmother’s teacup, so the girls reminisce about that relationship for while. Kristy does a really offensive fake Japanese accent which all of the girls find funny except for Claudia who is too lost in her thoughts to call Kristy out for being such an insensitive loser. Truly, the best part of all of this is that the very next scene is a flashback with Mimi (Claudia’s grandmother) and she has no accent whatsoever. This is a truly rare very special episode because it doesn’t involve any drugs or pregnancy and includes a racist joke. Also, in this scene Mallory ends up being the only baby-sitter with lucky steam rising from her tea. They had to throw her a bone because Mallory never has anything else going for her. Memory #3: The baby-sitters share a creepy memory about “staging a ceremony” before Kristy’s mom’s wedding. This ceremony turns out to be a full on mock wedding between two of Kristy’s younger siblings, which has clearly been orchestrated by the baby-sitters club. They make everyone attend and the they make the two young siblings exchange wedding vows. Luckily, the little boy runs away when they tell him to kiss the bride,so no almost-incest was committed.

Finally, all of the baby-sitters get sleepy after a night of reminiscing and fall asleep at midnight in what must be the tamest slumber party ever imagined. Note: I didn’t include all of them memories. Some of them were really boring.

Very Special Lesson: You don’t always have to have a very special lesson to have a very special episode. Or maybe friendship…friendship was the lesson.

P.S. This set came from Ikea before everyone shopped there:

A Very Special Guest Post: Smart Guy-“Never Too Young”

September 8, 2014September 7, 2014 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ Leave a comment

Hello, Very Special Readers! I am delighted to share a very special guest post with you today from a very special blogger! This is a guest post from Ali at Sleepoverz, a blog that covers ’90s pop culture, teen angst, and 2AM thoughts.

Smart Guy existed for a short period of time on the WB in the late ‘90s and then re-aired for another few years on Disney in the 2000s. If you blinked you could have missed it, but it still managed to make an impression on me. The show centers around T.J. Henderson, played by Tahj Mowry, a child prodigy who enters high school at 12-years-old. He regularly gets into antics with his brother, Marcus, Marcus’s friend Mo, and his sister Yvette. All of them co-exist together at Piedmont High School. Rounding out the cast of characters is T.J.’s dad, Floyd Henderson.

Smart Guy 1 Today’s very special episode is “Never Too Young” and it deals with T.J.’s drinking problem. There are two storylines going on in this episode, one involving cafeteria food and one about beer. At the start of the episode Marcus and Mo are ripping into the cafeteria food and blaming the hulking eastern European lunch lady for the sub-par food. To demonstrate the staleness of the Bread Pudding, Marcus throws a piece against the wall expecting it to bounce back. But just his luck, the pudding is intercepted by the vice principal and it lands directly on his shirt. The boys are sentenced to work in the cafeteria for the foreseeable future or “until they’ve learned what it’s like to live in someone else’s shoes,” to put it in TV trope terms.

Back at the Henderson home, T.J.’s dad tells him that one of the kids from his old school is having a birthday party and T.J. must attend. This is the middle school T.J. left because he was too smart and now he’s nervous the party is going to babyish. When he gets to the party he tries to interact with the other kids but he is so out of touch and intellectually advanced that he isolates himself. He devastates a girl named Kelly by telling her that Titanic was not actually filmed on a boat and bores her with the science behind blue screens.

At the end of hi smart guy 2 s rope, T.J. wanders into a back room of the basement where he finally recognizes two kids. Unfortunately for T.J., the two kids are the class flunkies and future burnouts, Kevin and Rich. Things are going really well reminiscing about the old days until Rich pulls a beer from his coat and asks T.J. if he wants some. T.J. actually says no and makes a joke about ruining his six-pack but Kevin and Rich are not cool with sobriety. They mock T.J. about going back into the party to hang out with all the babies, which remember T.J. was afraid of to begin with so they have a point. T.J. relents and spends the next hour getting wasted off one beer split 3 ways. When he reenters the party he is trashed and tries to get Titanic Kelly to dance with him by calling her “Kel, Kel.” Then he knocks into her, spilling her red drink on her dress, and all the kids back away from him because he has committed every party foul ever.

The next morning, T.J. has a nasty hangover from his third of a beer. He has a headache and asks for Ginger Ale at breakfast to which Yvette, T.J.’s sister, responds with a knowing glance. She already knows T.J. is afflicted but it’s still early on in the episode and his incredibly naïve and defensive dad does not see it. When Yvette suggests maybe it wasn’t just the excess cake and ice cream making T.J. sick, Floyd refuses to listen and dramatically shuts her up with an “end of discussion” scene exit.

Back at the cafeteria, Marcus and Mo decide to really give it their all and bake their own food instead of the school sanctioned slop. Sadly, the students are not impressed and Marcus and Mo quickly turn into the grizzled eastern European lunch lady. They learn that kids are ungrateful and no amount of hard work will change that.

Meanwhile, T.J. is lying to his dad about drinking at the party and Yvette keeps throwing know-it-all glances Floyd’s way. Things hit a head when Kevin and Rich show up at T.J.’s garage and literally push peppermint Schnapps into his hand and tell him to drink it. T.J. refuses but not before Floyd walks in on the scene and shuts it down. He then has to admit to Yvette that she was right by embarrassingly asking where the “pamphlet on talking to your kids” is. Finally Floyd sits down with T.J. and has a really productive conversation about the dangers of underage drinking and the importance of building trust.

Very Special Lesson: The size of your brain is equal to the size of your hangover, regardless of how much actual beer you ingest.

The Very Special Blog Makes Me Cry

September 5, 2014August 10, 2020 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 10 Comments

Wait. No. That doesn’t sound right. Let me explain. I recently drafted a post about the Disney Channel classic Wish Upon a Star and I was scoffing away, furiously banging out some insulting witticisms about the silly plot, and then I totally teared up. I was sitting there being like “Damn, this movie is dumb but like they are sisters and they are friends! I love it!” So the truth is…and maybe this is a pretty poorly kept secret…but I love very special episodes so much.

My boyfriend–who I forced to actually visit this blog by taking away the “read via email” function.–told me that every time a very special episode came on TV he would be like “oh noooo it’s one of those lesson episodes!” Child version of me, on the other hand, was like “Oh my gosh. This is a very important message about how to be a better person and not die of a marijuana overdose. I must give Mrs. Garrett my full attention.” Between Diff’rent Strokes and The Facts of Life Mrs. Garrett felt like the bizzare fairy-godmother to my early social development. Like that time Arnold was in the hospital and had a crush on his roommate but her dad (who otherwise seemed like a nice guy) was a racist. Everyone is sort of like, woah he sucks but he is still nice. What gives? And Mrs. Garrett, refusing to excuse his behavior, says “There’s nothing little about bigotry.” It’s a pun. But I was ten years old and totally like “Oh my GOD that is SO profound.”

And I still feel that way. Sure they’re often badly written, either totally implausible or entirely trite. But oh my gosh the feels. I can’t resist the feels.

The Anguish.

The Tears.

The Time Tootie Casually Saved a Teen from Sex Trafficking in a Diner.

I love it all. Each and every very special moment. And while they do not always make me cry, I’ve been known to spontaneously break down from the sheer social justice of it all. I mean the world really would be a better place if we all went to a school where Mrs. Garrett was going to make sure that we were all sensitive supportive people who did not get jealous of our cousin, a comedian with cerebral palsy, because she was getting more attention. Well, I promise it’s more generalizable than that one incident. Or if we lived in a world where people like Mr. Drummond really would just adopt a couple of orphans and then end up being awesome and dedicated parents.

Or just the touching reminder that someone out there has your back.

Today, I salute you very special episodes. Thanks for warming my heart. Now, I will go back to mocking you. Because I love you. Because that is how Millennials with blogs show love.

What makes you cry? But like in a good way…

Growing Pains: Thank God It’s Friday

September 4, 2014August 11, 2014 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 5 Comments

If you’re a close reader, you may have already deduced that this episode takes place on a Friday. Everyone except for Mike is at home watching TV. Carol is at home because her boyfriend is grounded and apparently she has no other friends Ben is home because he is nine years old, and Jason and Maggie are tired form the workweek.

So from here on out we’re basically only paying attention to Mike. While innocently hanging out a local pizza parlor, Mike and hi s friends get invited to a college party. Thankfully, this party is a lot realistically depicted than the frat party on Full House. The guys get to the party and suddenly they are on the set of Miami Vice. Everyone is rich and everyone is doing coke in the bathroom. But like everyone is doing coke, so I am confused as to why they need the secrecy of the bathroom.

At the party, Mike chats up the ladies with smooth lines like this one.

So far on The Very Special Blog we’ve been covering the “gateway” drugs. We’ve been playing softball, kids, and things are about to get serious. A hot college girl invites Mike to “got to the john” with her and offers to split a minute amount of coke with him. Mike manages to dodge her for a second, and in the mean time runs into an old friend, Lana. He confides in her that there is coke at the party and she laughs in his face all like duh that is the point of the party, Mike.

Mike is now Andrew McCarthy from Less than Zero and is all like everyone I know does coke ahhhhh! And guess where the kids got the coke for this party? They took it form the absentee parents whose house they are currently wrecking. Not only is everyone doing drugs, but also they’re doing stolen drugs!! I guess it makes sense that they didn’t pay for the coke though because they’re sharing it with everyone at the party like it’s Chex Mix, but coke is one expensive party treat, my friend

Also, Mike has a 1 am curfew. What gives? I feel like my parents always made me be home by midnight and that was for like special occasions. Mike doesn’t do coke and then he feels like a total loser. But he realizes his health is more important than being cool.

At the end of the episode, Jason locks the door and puts the chain on. We zoom in on the chain as the camera fades to black, safely assured that the drugs of Long Island will stay out of our suburban homes.

Then there’s an awesome PSA at the end:

Screen Shot 2014-07-29 at 8.36.22 PM — I bet child labor laws insisted he be paid

I wish he still felt this way... — I wish he still felt this way

Very Special Lesson: Friends don’t let friends go to the bathroom.

The Secret World of Alex Mack: The Switch

September 2, 2014September 2, 2014 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 1 Comment

I don’t usually see prompts on the daily post that fit this blog, but today’s post caught my eye. Today’s prompt is to imagine that you have had a reverse-Big experience. I’m not sure if it’s possible to exist on this planet and have NOT seen that classic Tom Hanks movie, but– in case you’ve missed it or your memory is a bit rusty–Big is a movie about a little boy who wishes to be an adult. His wish comes true and he turns into this twelve year-old man-child.

Normally, I am of the opinion that being an adult is way cooler than being a kid. I feel more self-confident, I have more freedom, and I’m not forced into awful adolescent growing pains around kids I don’t really like. But recently, I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed with “grown up problems,” so the idea of being twelve years old again feels very welcoming. There would be so many things I wouldn’t have to worry about–like paying my bills and always eating a well balanced meal. Plus, believe it or not, I actually loved middle school. I thought it was a blast. Sure, sixth grade was definitely an adjustment (and full of the most heartache by far) but my memories of seventh and eighth grade are definitely some of the most fun of my life. Those memories are full of people I adored, but who I know nothing about these days. There were a few falling outs along the way and others I simply grew apart from. I guess being a reverse man-child (so child-woman?) would suck in the sense that I would have all of this foreknowledge. And being an adult in a child’s body seems much less innocent than being a child in an adults body. So I don’t know if I could honestly participate in all of the ridiculous things I did as a kid if I was suddenly “Zoltar-ed” back to childhood. But it sure would be fun to pass notes in history class and steal my best friend’s lip gloss again.

So how does this daily prompt relate to The Very Special Blog, you ask? Well, everyone always seems to think the grass is greener on the other side, including Alex Mack and her mom, Barbara. The Secret World of Alex Mack was a cool suburban sci-fi show that always managed to be a little spooky without being scary. Alex Mack is just an average girl who happens to be the victim of a chemical spill, which gave her special powers. These special powers include telekinesis and being able to dissolve into a mostly transparent goo. Alex’s mom gets caught up in her goo at the most timely manner (they have just been arguing about who has it harder college-student-mom or high-school-student-daughter) and the two switch bodies. Alex is lucky in that she has a super-smart sister, Annie, who is the only one who knows that she can morph into liquid. This also means that she has one person who will believe the utterly ridiculous fact that she has switched bodies with their mom.

Meanwhile, Alex’s mom tries to get back home, but she is forced into going to school when one of Alex’s friends finds her trying to sneak away from campus. Alex’s mom seems to know that she is in a child’s body but this does not keep her from challenging adults and calling herself a “grown woman” even though she’s like fourteen at the moment. That definitely is the suck-y part of being a kid. You are pretty much always at the mercy of other people. Sure, you grow up and you go to work and you cannot “ditch” work just like you cannot ditch school, but people never question it when you say you have to go to the bathroom or that you need to go home sick. I’m sure plenty of adults are fakers too…well I mean I know for a fact that they are…but you can’t be like “excuse me, it’s RUDE to leave the meeting to pee. Sit down and raise your hand before you speak.” On the flip side, Alex realizes how little time her mom has for herself because she’s super busy trying to run a family and also be a person. Also, Alex’s mom finds out she has super powers, the chemical plant that spilled stuff all over her sends out creepy men to take her away, and then it all turns out to be a dream! But just because it was a all a dream does not mean we failed to learn a very special lesson.

Very Special Lesson: Kids should be kids and adults should be adults. The grass will always look greener on the other side…but I really would like a break from decision making and fending for myself once in a while. Also, what’s the harm in a little chemical spill now and again?

Want to figure out what you’re own age-switch would be like? Check out the daily prompt here: Zoltar’s Revenge