The Facts of Life: Christmas in the Big House

Okay, so for those of you who missed out on The Facts of Life, it’s a show about a group of girls who live together at boarding school and for whatever reason continue to living together well after boarding school with their dorm-mother and it’s not weird. It’s not even weird at all. And no one wants to move out. Ever. Even though there are like four twenty year-old women sharing a room. facts-of-life-christmas-in-the-big-house-01_0

Anyway, basically the girls end up volunteering on Christmas eve at a prison and everyone is super into it except for the snooty rich girl, Blair. Jo (whose particularly close to this situation because her dad is an ex-con) says that Blair is just a socialite do-gooder who only helps as long as she doesn’t have to actually interact with them. You know, she throws money at stuff.

So anyway, Blair refuses to participate in this show, but she goes with them anyway and sits “backstage” at the prison theater. Yep, this prison has a theater. It’s like the USO! Kind of…

These prisoners are like so clean cut and I don’t just mean like they look clean, I mean whoever is doing their hair in the prison barber shop is pretty great.

It’s kinda nice that the girls can’t sing very well.facts-of-life-christmas-in-the-big-house-20_0

Mrs. Garret holds a prisoner’s hand. Is that allowed? Isn’t there a no touching rule?

But the warden has promised them more and no one knows what to do! They have done the entire show! The girls want to runaway, but Mrs. Garret tells them that they are the inmates entire Christmas. Finally, Blair decides to participate after the very special speech from Mrs. Garret. Blair can sing and she’s doing it a capella because she was a mouseketeer. Then all of the inmates sing too and like agh I know they are fake inmates and this fake prison is abnormally nice, but it still makes me tear up. Then she repeats the song like seven times until the credits end. LIKE SEVEN TIMES. Does this song not have other verses??? Talk about ruining the moment.

Very Special Lesson: It’s important not to make their ears bleed when you have a captive audience.

7 thoughts on “The Facts of Life: Christmas in the Big House

    1. Blair was my favorite as a kid, but as I watch these now I really like Jo better. I seriously think the Natalie/Tootie friendship makes the show though. I think Blair was way more tolerable as a kid. At this point she has learned so many very special lessons that I have no tolerance for this too good to help others bull shit.

      1. hahaha. For real! I always loved Jo, but I was a tomboy and probably wanted to BE her. I tried rewatching the first season recently, and it’s terrible, even with the stellar Molly Ringwald!

      2. Oh I know! It was a shocking realization that I only liked the first season because I watched it in elementary school and probably would have worshiped anything with friendly teenage girls. Sue Ann was my fav and then when I saw the “dope episode” on youtube I was just like “omg she is the biggest ditz ever in the history of the planet.” Natalie kept it real that season though as always. Molly Ringwald was AWFUL and thankfully John Hughes let her redeem herself.

  1. There was a time when this show seemed to always be on, and I watched every episode. But it’s been so long, that I don’t even remember this one and Blair was my favorite. Maybe it’s time for a Netflix marathon.

    Thanks 🙂

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