I’m sorry, this post has nothing to do with very special episodes except that I really could have used a very special ending tonight.

I just spent six hours at the airport to literally go nowhere. I cried as I walked out of the terminal and found myself exactly where I started. I grimaced as I paid 10 dollars to have my car sit in the parking deck for six hours. I tried to work with the Delta gate agents who were  polite and helpful, but ultimately unsuccessful. And then I left empty-handed, having spent $600 dollars to risk Athlete’s Foot and stand in a body scanner and not see my long-term turned long-distance boyfriend. I got 2 bags of chips and a bag of mini Oreos all in the name of customer service.

Now, I am on hold for a wait time of “greater than two hours” because a major airline can’t communicate about “weather.” I called in advance and stayed on hold for 90 minutes until a customer care call center attendant finally talked to me for 90 seconds. She thanked me for being “proactive” and assured me that everything had “cleared up” and that I would definitely make my connection. I was seriously feeling like Danny Tanner today. I was so detailed and on point and then all of it fell apart and I was left exasperated in the airport. But without a loving family to support me albeit I did have a better outfit on.

The one person who really made me feel taken care of was Davonte at the Best Western Plus in Atlanta. He took my reservation, was so reassuring as I called with updates of my constantly delayed departure, and ultimately canceled my reservation very graciously when it was no longer feasible for me to make the trip. Thank you, Davonte. I wish you worked for Delta and I was actually looking forward to meeting you tonight because good customer service makes you feel safe and like you’re both working to the same ultimate goal of reconciliation.

Good customer service is not stringing me along, making me sit on a Tarmac, and feeding me only Chex Mix when I haven’t had the opportunity to eat since lunch because you told me not to leave the “gate area.”

Air travel is shitty enough as it is these days. We pay high prices to sit in uncomfortable seats. We’re charged for our luggage because paying for that shitty seat didn’t cover the cost of your toothbrush, underwear, and all of the other essentials we need to live in a society. Once upon a time, airlines took care of you. Now, they don’t. Maybe they don’t have enough money, but I’m tired of paying a ton of money to be treated like shit and told that I should feel grateful.

If anyone ever does take my call off hold, I plan on trying to cancel the return flight I clearly cannot take. I’ll take a voucher because I know cash is too good to hope for. But I better not hear anything about a “change fee.” That was something that always bugged me when I had to change corporate travel at my old job. Are you so desperate to hold on to even a shred of cash that you need to charge a $200 “change fee” for a seat you have most likely already double booked? Seriously?

At least Southwest sings to you. One time I sat in an armchair for three hours at the Nashville airport because my Southwest flight was delayed. I charged my phone and watched the World Cup and they gave each and every person on that flight a $100 voucher without us having to ask. They fixed connections and they literally paid us for our time. My time is important too. Especially when I have already paid you $600 for a service that you did not deliver. I don’t blame you that the weather prevented you from doing your job, but the weather is not my fault either.

P.S. I am still on hold.