Steve is rocking a really lovely yellow sweater and practicing great dental hygiene in the school bathroom when some jerk has the audacity to bully him. Okay, so Steve gets a little sassy with them when the cool kids are smoking in the bathroom. But they are literally KILLING him with their bad habit. Then instead of just shaming him with their words like the girls in Full House, they give him a swirly.

[Side note: George Jefferson stops by to show Carl his new Porsche.]

The next day at school Urkel tries to tell one of the bullies he’s been bulking up, and hasn’t seen another one of the bullies (Andre) around. Urkel assumes the bully is hiding because he’s afraid of Steve’s buffness. When Urkel learns that the reason the bully isn’t around is because he’s in the hospital with leukemia, Urkel decides to organize a bone marrow matching drive.

Then we time jump one month to show Carl decorating the living room with junk he got at a police auction. Harriet had been bugging him to redo the living room, and Carl decides the best way to do this is to make it look like a drug dealer lives there.

Meanwhile, at the high school no one has heard of cancer. Steve explains to everyone what a bone marrow transplant is and rallies all the over-18-year-olds into signing up to have their blood tested. And you know what? Nerds in sitcoms just can’t dry their hands. Stephanie Tanner couldn’t work the hand-dryer and Steve Urkel breaks the paper towel dispenser.

Luckily, Steve manages to get the paper towel situation under control just before Andre enters the bathroom to thank him for saving his life. Andre can’t understand why Steve would do anything nice for him. Steve tells him that life is more important than people being a jackass to you. (My words, not his.) And Andre offers to let Steve give him a swirly. Steve declines this generous offer, and Andre offers to buy his lunch instead.

Then we get a PSA from Laura and Steve. But really it’s just the actors not in character though still wearing their costumes. You can tell because Jaleel White isn’t being Steve or Stefan right here:

Does anyone know if that number still works?

Very Special Lesson: Whenever you feel like treating someone like shit, just remember that person could be your bone marrow match.