If you haven’t seen it, check it out below. A LOT is going on.

I think it’s plain to see that this is going to be awful. And I am so freaking excited. But some parts of this look worse than others, so let me go ahead and break it down for you:

The Worst
-Steve. I was excited for him to return to the show, but then I saw him in this preview and I remembered why that episode where DJ breaks up with him on the mountain is so oddly satisfying.
-Kimmy being “stuck in the 90’s.” This better be a one-off gag in a bottle episode because a reboot character being “stuck” in the decade of the original series makes me want to vom all over the place.
-The three boys and one is a baby thing. Yep, I find this “major premise of the show” to be one of the worst parts of the reboot. Not only is this the same number of kids/adults but opposite gender roles from the original cast but they’re all like exactly the same age! Like wtf are the odds that your spouse dies at roughly the same age as your father’s spouse and you just so happen to have an infant and two older children roughly the age of you and your sisters when your mother died. That is NOT a universe I want to live in. I dunno…was that coherent? I just got back from a work even in which there was a surprise round of tequila shots, so I’m not editing for coherency right now…but could they not at least make the kids different ages?? Like maybe one’s a toddler and one’s in high school?

The Best
-Carly Rae Jepsen’s revitalized “Everywhere You Look” theme song. But I’m not surprised. She’s awesome. And “Call Me Maybe” is and will always be my car’s favorite song.
-Stephanie Tanner being a badass. She’s the only one of the main characters who lands all of her jokes in the trailer. Plus, is that a Stephanie Tanner dance performance I see?
-John Stamos. This should come as a surprise to know one. This man is television gold.

I’m on the fence about
-the catch phrases…
I want to gouge my eyes out every time I see Joey do the stupid “cut it out” hand motion. And calling “Michelle” at 5 am EST to yell “You got it dude” into her voicemail is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. But the whole John Stamos/Jodie Sweetin catchphrase exchange was very adorable and it didn’t feel forced at all (ahem, Dave Coulier you can just cut it the f*** out, thank you very much).

The Very Best
-Kimmy Gibler’s earrings at 0:37 and that bacon and eggs scarf at 1:03. Etsy friends, can you hook me up with one or both of these?