Happy Hallmark Holiday, Very Special Readers! Today we celebrate with our favorite girls! (I hope you’re all happily binge-watching on Hulu!)

On this particular Valentine’s Day, the girls are dateless. So they do what they do best, tell each other stories. Each lady shares a special Valentine’s day memory with her pals. They are as follows:

Sophia: Sophia’s story involves a car break-down on a cross-country trip in the 1920’s. She and Sal are driving her father to a wedding in California when they break down in Chicago. They arrive at a garage just as the mechanic is beginning his lunch break. He informs them that he has several jobs ahead of theirs, so Sal pays him a couple of bucks to use his tools to work on the car while he eats lunch. While Sal works, Sophia describes to her father why she loves Sal. Her dad isn’t a fan of Sal, so after about 20 seconds he says he’s going to look for a bathroom. While Sophia and Sal argue over fixing the car, Sal surprises Sophia with a box of chocolates. He planned ahead three day’s prior and stashed a gift for her under the seat when they were packing (*heartwarming*). Everything is peachy until we hear some tommy-guns in the background and Sophia’s father comes running back from the bathroom. He tells them a colorful story about THINKING he was in line for a bathroom and realizing he was in line for a firing squad. Dorothy says she thinks her mother is making the story up and Sophia says, “I didn’t say I was at THE St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. I said I was a a St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.”

Rose: Our resident Southern Belle reminds everyone of what happened the previous year when they put Rose in charge of their plans. They all thought they were taking a little trip to a mountain lodge, which in actuality turned out to be a nudist resort.

She misunderstood the pamphlet: “Fun in the buff at a mountain retreat. Hike, swim, and play volleyball while the sun beats down on your fanny.” Oh, Rose. Sadly, the next bus off the mountain isn’t until the next morning, so they girls have to stick it out for 10 hours. After some thought, they decide to embrace the whole nudist vibe. Unfortunately, they decide to take the plunge at dinner–only to be informed that at they resort they “always dress for dinner.” Here’s a visual aide (don’t worry, it’s SFW).

Blanche: Blanche’s story is a little sad. Her husband George proposed to her on Valentine’s Day, which makes the day bittersweet ever since his passing. But one year she meets a nervous man about to pop the question, and she decides to coach him on the matter. She tells him how George proposed and how it’s a beautiful occasion with nothing to be nervous about. He says, “Blanche, you’re right. Love is love period. Some things never change.” As it turns out, this guy is proposing to Victor not Victoria. But Rose doesn’t get this. She asks if his girlfriend ever showed up lol…oh well it was the 80’s! But I’d like to think MAYBE Lin-Manuel Miranda might have watched this episode. And as he reminded us, “love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside.”

Dorothy: Meanwhile, Dorothy shares another story involving Rose being an idiot. I really think you need to see this one for yourself.

Sophia: Sophia has a date! She’s been trying to tell the girls the whole time, only they didn’t believe her. (See my last post on them being judgmental about older adults, which is like come on ladies, you’re all about aging gracefully and with sexual interests.) Sadly, no one gets to see Julio Iglesias pick Sophia up for their date because he uses the kitchen door just as the other girls leave through the front. Oh well, Sophia. At least YOU know you’re the coolest one of the bunch.

I assume you’ve already seen these cards floating around Pinterest, but I will leave them here for your to conveniently print out and share with your loved ones.