So Here’s How George Clooney Left The Facts of Life

September 15, 2019January 3, 2021 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ Leave a comment

I know, I know. You’re gonna hate me. I don’t post for months and months and then I give you TWO BACK TO BACK EPISODES OF THE FACTS OF LIFE.

index-gettyimages-140925807-1556724274 — Thank God, George has aged like a fine wine cause this mullet is not good.

First of all, let me introduce you to this episode with absolutely no context. (Yeah, I’m just being a jerk now).

So I’d like to go ahead and jump in here and say WHAT THE FUDGE IS GOING ON? Tootie is forlornly watching a pop star through a window and then Cloris Leachman just appears over her shoulder???

[And look, I don’t want this blog to turn into me shitting on Cloris Leachman. I think she’s a wonderful actress. I just don’t understand her role in this series and it feels like a big career misstep. She was on The Mary Tyler Moore Show for God’s sake! And I loved her as the grandmother in Now and Then).

But I digress, the reason I’ve called you all here today is I realized why George Clooney is in so few episodes of The Facts of Life. Or rather, why his character “George” is in so few episodes. (I imagine George Clooney the actor was like woah yikes the premise of this show doesn’t work anymore and I better get out of here as soon as I get literally any other decent opportunity.)

You see, here we are in the fifteenth episode of the season and George the Handyman leaves to become a roadie for pop singer, Stacey Q — who is playing the fictional character “Cinnamon.” She apparently played the same role in a previous episode where she won a role in a Broadway musical over Tootie. (Hence the forlorn look through the window, I believe.)

Anyway, Cinnamon is hanging out in Peekskill because she is afraid of going on her first national tour. She and George meet while they both work retail in the store that Cloris Leachman owns with Blair, Natalie, and Tootie.

Tootie is jealous that Cinnamon is running away from an opportunity that Tootie would kill to have, so she’s kind of a jerk to her until she finally apologizes live on the college radio station. Cinnamon and George overhear this in the studio because they have come to the station to tell Tootie that Cinnamon has decided to go on the tour with George as her roadie.

Tootie invites Cinnamon to sing on the air and Cinnamon is all reluctant to do so, but George conveniently has her backing track on-hand. So she sings We Connect:

And we never see George Clooney on The Facts of Life again.

The Facts of Life: The Greek Connection

September 7, 2019August 14, 2021 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ Leave a comment

I was watching a trailer for Lifetime’s College Admission’s scandal earlier today and wondered why the name Penelope Ann Miller was familiar to me. It’s probably not because she guest starred in this episode of The Facts of Life (I think as a character with a really cartoonish voice), but I decided to watch it anyway.

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First of all, I don’t understand the premise of this show in its final season. Why are these grown women living with Cloris Leachman? Why was anyone watching the episodes where George Clooney wasn’t present?

[No George sighting as of yet.]

Also, I would like to go on record here — there is no way that Jo and Blair weren’t closeted lesbians. I know Jo marries that man next season or whatever but the sexual tension between her and Blair is palpable. I know the writers want me to think that they’re frenemies, but that is NOT THE VIBE THEY ARE THROWING AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.

141038851-e1487497321723 — Idk. They don’t seem that excited about it to me.

Anyhow, the major controversy of this episode appears to be that Tootie is rushing a sorority and Natalie wants to write a story about it for The Peekskill Press. Oh and she’s undercover so she’s wearing this insane and not at all low-key outfit and wig:

Screen Shot 2019-09-06 at 7.43.43 PM

The B-Plot of this episode is Jo convincing Blair to play field hockey. Blair getting injured. And then Jo helping her around constantly because they are in L-O-V-E. I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Obviously, Tootie can easily see through Natalie’s disguise. And they get into a big argument because they each feel that their goals are being undervalued in the relationship. (Once again, I think it may be a good time to point out that it is not always good to live with your best friend for twenty-seven years or however long it has been at this point unless you’re in a Golden Girls situation, which I wholeheartedly support).

Tootie wants Natalie to stop jeopardizing her chances of getting into this sorority by not-so-subtly writing an article on it in a poor disguise. And Natalie wants Tootie to support her first article in the newspaper–

Oh and I should point out that Natalie was not given this assignment. She got some weird vague opportunity to write “an article” for the newspaper and seemed to be able to pick whatever she wanted to write. This includes and idea she floated to the group (including Cloris Leachman’s young teenage son) called “Illicit Sex in Peekskill.” (Once again, I’d like to point out that these living arrangements feel really weird and rapidly leaning towards creepy. I’ve never been a big commune person but this is starting to feel like one and a bad one. I would advise Jo to run if anyone pulls out the kool aid packets because she’s the only character I feel at this point could function in society.)

fol1011 — We regret to inform you that George Clooney is still not in this episode.

Anyway, Blair convinces Tootie and Natalie to support one another in following their dreams or whatever. This involves Natalie writing her article and Blair proofing it (and Tootie not trying to stop her). However, when a sorority sister comes over to pick up Tootie (who has her own car) for the rush party (for entirely plot-contrived reasons), the sorority sister steals Natalie’s article. And this is 1987 SO THERE ARE NO DIGITAL BACKUPS. Natalie then heads over to the party and accuses Tootie of stealing the article.

While Natalie is at home re-writing her article, Tootie finds out that the sorority sister is a thief when she literally hands Tootie the article. And she’s all like “your sorority sisters are the most important things in your life now I STOLE THIS FOR YOU!!!” Please note, this is not an accurate quote and I fully made it up, but it is still 100% true to the spirit of the text.

Tootie decides not to pledge the sorority. Natalie admits her jealously about Tootie having new friends (omggggggg). And Natalie and Tootie pledge their undying loyalty to one another.

Very Special Lesson: I would suggest group therapy for this crowd, but I’m legitimately frightened by the thought of them spending any additional time together.

Sadly, All in the Family is Still 100% Relevant in 2019

May 23, 2019May 23, 2019 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 1 Comment

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First of all, I didn’t really know anything about this other than that Marisa Tomei was involved and I was totally and completely on-board. Secondly, I started thinking about how Archie Bunker’s Nixon-era logic fallacy-driven paradigm of bigotry and misogyny (okay that’s it for the one’s that end in y so go ahead and insert all of the ones that end in “ism”) is sadly relevant to our current political climate.

Even in the 1990’s with all of it’s poorly aging depictions of gender (ahem I’m looking at you, many of the jokes from Friends), I could at least look at All in the Family and feel like “my we have come so far” but nowadays I feel like I may just meet Archie Bunker anywhere I go except he’d be wearing a MAGA hat and scrolling through Fox News on his iPhone News app and then sharing some weird shit on Facebook and then probably getting into a fight with Mike Stivic in the comments section — okay, have I taken this run-on sentence far enough?

None of this will come as a surprise to anyone. Norman Lear even said it in his intro. So here’s my bullet point thoughts on this one-off reboot:

Woody Harrelson is a wonderful actor, but he’s no Carroll O’Connor. There were also moments where I felt like his accent was more Boston than Queens–too much time behind the bar at Cheers?
Ike Barinholtz KILLED it as Michael Stivic.
I love Ellie Kemper and I think she’s a great comedian, but something about her line delivery/timing as Gloria felt off. Maybe she isn’t used to live shows? It seemed a little like she didn’t know how long to wait for the laughs and wasn’t sure what to do when she was in the background of a wide shot. Her accent was also problematic as it oscillated between bad and nonexistent.
I loved the interplay between Marisa Tomei as Edith and Wanda Sykes as Louise. I forgot how the women were more progressive than their husbands. It’s been a little while since I’ve seen either of these shows!
Marisa Tomei really captured Edith’s sweet spirit.
Ike Barinholtz and Woody Harreslon had such good chemistry that I kinda got over my Carroll O’Connor issue from earlier.
I don’t remember the original Henry Jefferson — apparently he was only in twelve episodes — but I really love Anthony Anderson and I feel like he was very well cast in this role.
Lionel Jefferson was one of my favorites in the original cast. He was so easy-going but also so quick-witted. He could out-argue Archie with a joke. I’m sure that wouldn’t be fun to have to do in real life, but it was always fun to watch. Anyway, I’ve never seen Jovan Adepo in anything before. But he did such a good job as Lionel that I have a crush on him now.
I also had a hard time with Jamie Foxx as George Jefferson because, like Carroll O’Connor with Archie, Sherman Hemsley is SO iconically George Jefferson. I also felt like Jamie hammed it up so much that was kind of distracting. If I was watching a Sherman Hemsley George Jefferson impression I would say this nailed it, but I didn’t want to watch an impression. I do have to give Woody Harrelson props for staying out of impression territory with Archie. (Or maybe it’s just that his impression was so bad it didn’t feel like an impression?) However, once Jamie Foxx messed up his line in the flub heard round the world, he seemed to drop a lot of this impression schtick, and I think his portrayal of George was all the better for it.
Did not know Jennifer Hudson was going to sing the theme song from The Jeffersons! This was a lovely surprise!
Will Ferrell and Kerry Washington were great, but I just never really liked the Willises and I still don’t.
Heheh the old bait and switch with Marla Gibbs in the role she originated as Florence instead of Justina Machado was wonderful. Also have fun would it have been to have been Justina Machado and have been in on the con???
Also, major shoutout to Stephen Toblowsky and Sean Hayes who each did a fabulous job. Although I couldn’t stand the character Sean Hayes had to play, I seriously didn’t recognize him. He did a great job.
If I had to pick an MVP from each family it would be Ike Barinholtz and Wanda Sykes. Like I could straight up watch them in a full order of episodes for both All in the Family and The Jeffersons. (But can I also add Jackée Harry on as a bonus MVP since she was technically a guest star?)

It makes me sad that we needed a little 1970s refresh to hopefully sort our shit out, but I really hope this got people talking. It’s definitely still relevant and I hope one day we’ll really have moved past it. I truly believe the only way to do this is through meaningful intimate conversations with friends and family, which is what was so great about these shows in the first place. They modeled how to do that and we need them now more thane ver.

I See You Aunt Becky, You Ain’t Low

March 17, 2019 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 4 Comments

Oh I have many, many thoughts on the college admissions scandal. I could literally write 72 blog posts on this (but I’ll spare you). I think one of the ickiest vibes I have from all of this (aside from the blatant cheating and the continued marginalization of underprivileged teens and first-generation college students) is that all these chill, work-hard, down to earth celebs are LIARS who are just gonna came the system like every other stereotypical entitled rich white lady — ahem — I’m looking at you Aunt Becky.

But let me just real quick sum up my thoughts with a side by side comparison of two episodes of Full House that I’m sure you’ve already heard a lot about this past week. Like wtf how many of us get to literally role-play potential crimes and then are like “yeah sign me up for the cheating and the fraud, please.” Psychologists of the world, let me read your case studies.

Okay, bear with me as I now undertake the HERCULEAN task of reviewing two Full House episodes SIMULTANEOUSLY. (Lord, I don’t even know if I can handle it. Will I go into a diabetic coma from all of the saccharine schmaltz. Pray for me, Very Special Readers. Pray.) They are: “Be True to Your Pre-School” and “The Test.” I will not have time or patience for B-plots!

Screen Shot 2019-03-17 at 6.25.14 PM — First of all. I think this a wig. I no longer trust this woman to have real hair. Thoughts?

During a play date, Rebecca and Jesse realize that they’re behind on the preschool game. They haven’t been researching preschools, so they other parents tell them that there is a big risk their kids won’t be “on the fast track for life.” Okay, are we noticing some similarities to REAL LIFE yet, people??

The questions on the application are very difficult for two year-olds and include things like, “Evaluate the scope of your child’s verbal skills.” Joey recommends that Jesse lie on the application. (I hate Joey but I do feel that this is a little out of character). Basically, Jesse feels that he’s only helping his children out because if his parents had sent him to a good preschool then he probably wouldn’t be in night school trying to earn a high school diploma.

With Jesse’s lies, the boys make it to the next stage of admissions: THE INTERVIEW (cue ominous music). As they walk into the interview, he confesses to Becky that he embellished on the application “little bit,” which included claiming to be an ambassador.

Screen Shot 2019-03-17 at 6.41.40 PM — Evidently, this is how Jesse thinks an ambassador dresses.

Although, Becky goes along with the shenanigans at first. She comes clean pretty quickly in the interview and admits that her husband lied. The admissions person tells her that they figured that out when they read the portion of the applicant that referred to the boys as “proficient on the bassoon.” However they don’t care because: “it only shows you want whats best for your boys.” UGHHHH WTF I DISAGREE WITH THE PREMISE.

Anyway, Becky is yet again the voice of reason when she tells Jess (who is rigorously trying to cram some knowledge down the boys’ throats) that they’re not letting their kids “be kids” and he’s asking too much of them. Almost like you should let your children be guided by their natural abilities…hm…

“When they’re ready to go to preschool, we’ll find the right one and do everything we can to encourage,” she says. I guess this doesn’t apply to ASU. That must be an exception.

Now, let’s move on to “The Test.” In the opening of this episode Joey calls out Jesse for trying to reuse a stamp a.k.a. “trying to cheat the U.S. postal service.” WHAT ARE YOUR MORALS JOEY? Anyway, DJ is stressing because she has to take the SAT and she MUST do well so that she can go to Stanford.

When DJ says she is too stressed out to eat dinner, Danny coaches the family to tell DJ the whole SAT isn’t a huge deal and to not be so stressed. This doesn’t work and she has a stress dream in which Uncle Jesse steals an SAT answer booklet off of the proctor’s desk and proceeds to read the answers to her through a walkie-talkie hidden in a breakfast burrito.

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Joey overhears this and is very upset about the cheating. Once again, I would like to know what happened in Joey’s life between season six and season seven that caused him to go from cheating-instigator to cheating-police.

The next morning, DJ is so upset from her dream that she asks her dad, “Can you write me a note to get me out of college?” And her dad’s like no and apologizes for minimizing her stress, which actually only made her more stressed. And then he’s like just do your best cause he’s a normal dad and believes in his daughter.

I do believe I’m getting older though because this was the first time I watched an episode of Full House and realized that Bob Saget was kind of a DILF. So now I have to live with that knowledge.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say that standardized testing is some bullshit, patriarchal tool of the oligarchy and plenty of smart people are setup to fail on it. GOODBYE.

The BSC: The Baby-Sitters Remember

August 31, 2018August 18, 2018 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 1 Comment

This post was originally posted in September of 2014.
Once upon a time in the ‘90’s, there was this little gem of a show based on Ann M. Martin’s classic book series about a group of middle school girls who spend their free time in a club devoted to babysitting. This show must have been filmed at Astoria Studios because even Dawn, who is supposed to be from California, sounds like she’s from the tri-state region. If you were a girl child of the ’90’s you could not escape this book series. There was bossy Kristy, artsy Claudia, fashionista Stacey, California Casual Dawn, good-girl Mary Anne, ballerina Jesse, and Mallory who had red hair, wore glasses, and other than that had no defining features. I hated this episode as a kid because I thought it was a flashback episode full of clips from episodes I had never seen. As it turns out, it’s a clip show full of new material. I guess these were ideas Ann M. Martin had but never felt like turning into a full length book, and the TV show decided that these random clips would make the best series finale, which just goes to show you that not all very special episodes are about terrible topics. It’s the last day of school and the BSC is having a slumber party. Jessie is nervous about going to dance camp, Kristy is excited about going to softball camp, and Mary-Anne is totally bummed that she see won’t see her friends every day for two months. All of these thoughts about their impending separation lead the girls to reminisce about how they first began the club.

Is this jersey from a 1970's athletics store? — Is this jersey from a 1970’s athletics store?

Cue Memory #1 in which Kristy is wearing this bizarre jersey that says Sport Shack in some seriously old school lettering. She gets in trouble for cheering when the last bell rings, and some hard-ass teacher makes her write one hundred words about the importance of decorum. Meanwhile, Kristy’s mom is stressing because she can never find a sitter. Most thirteen year-olds would totally ignore this because it’s not really their problem, but like two and a half seconds after talking to her mom, Kristy’s eyes get wild and she casts aside her homework to plot out her magnum opus: The Baby-Stitters Club. She tells everyone how she didn’t think she would survive her first job, in which the mom meets here at the front door and describes how she must keep her rambunctious three year-old twins locked in the laundry room until it’s time to “go out.” Kristy can’t resist the promise of some cold hard cash, so she doesn’t run screaming from this house of apparent child abuse. Luckily, the twins turn out to be two dogs instead of toddlers.

Sure lady, I would be happy to sit for the twins you keep locked away, just as long as I get paid.

Memory#2: The girls head downstairs for snacks and Claudia finds her dead grandmother’s teacup, so the girls reminisce about that relationship for while. Kristy does a really offensive fake Japanese accent which all of the girls find funny except for Claudia who is too lost in her thoughts to call Kristy out for being such an insensitive loser. Truly, the best part of all of this is that the very next scene is a flashback with Mimi (Claudia’s grandmother) and she has no accent whatsoever. This is a truly rare very special episode because it doesn’t involve any drugs or pregnancy and includes a racist joke. Also, in this scene Mallory ends up being the only baby-sitter with lucky steam rising from her tea. They had to throw her a bone because Mallory never has anything else going for her. Memory #3: The baby-sitters share a creepy memory about “staging a ceremony” before Kristy’s mom’s wedding. This ceremony turns out to be a full on mock wedding between two of Kristy’s younger siblings, which has clearly been orchestrated by the baby-sitters club. They make everyone attend and the they make the two young siblings exchange wedding vows. Luckily, the little boy runs away when they tell him to kiss the bride,so no almost-incest was committed.

Finally, all of the baby-sitters get sleepy after a night of reminiscing and fall asleep at midnight in what must be the tamest slumber party ever imagined. Note: I didn’t include all of them memories. Some of them were really boring.

Very Special Lesson: You don’t always have to have a very special lesson to have a very special episode. Or maybe friendship…friendship was the lesson.

P.S. This set came from Ikea before everyone shopped there:

The Baby-Sitters Club: Stacey Takes a Stand

August 24, 2018August 18, 2018 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ Leave a comment

Words cannot describe how much I hate the saccharine theme song at this point in the review process. Thank GOD for 10 second advance!!

hqdefault First of all, everyone on the internet will tell you that this show had its full run in 1990. But I’ve noticed the recurring kids (mostly Danny Tamberelli) having major growth spurts that would be a real-life version of television-kid rapid aging syndrome. But that is simply not true because here we are in the penultimate episode of the series and the girls are talking about the 1992 revival of Guys and Dolls on Broadway.

Anyway, the sitters are jealous that Stacey gets to hang out in NYC with her dad, but Stacey is like guys it is actually kind of hard to have two parents in different cities and have to split time with them. It gets even harder when her dad asks her to move back to New York for high school.

snapshot151 Stacey tries to reason through this very difficult decision with the shortest pros and cons list of all time. It’s NYC: 1. Dad 2. Museums; StoneyBrook: 1. Mom 2. The Baby-Sitters Club! She calls the club from her Dad’s, so they all head to NYC for the day to cheer her up. They rent boats in central park (this is legit filmed on location btw). I love this episode. It is so sweet and they’re such a nice group of friends.

mv5bmtg3otiynzqzov5bml5banbnxkftztgwnjuwmjezmje-_v1_uy268_cr870182268_al_ Stacey decides to talk to both of her parents. She explains how she’s constantly keeping things from one parent or another because she’s afraid of hurting one of them. She also asks them to stop shit-talking each other in front of her. She hasn’t even invited her dad to attend a special Father’s Day event that the BSC is putting together in Stoneybrook. But luckily, her mom comes through and invites him at the last-minute. He agrees to back off on the moving to New York thing and also to make a better effort to get over to Stoneybrook more often. I mean people literally commute from CT to NYC daily, so yeah he needs to get his shit together.

Okay, that was kind of a bummer, so let’s round things out with the most 90’s dance ever.

Very Special Lesson: Don’t try to violate your custody agreement by asking your kid to move across state lines.

The Baby-Sitters Club: Dawn Saves the Trees

August 17, 2018August 12, 2018 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ Leave a comment

7986_300 The baby-sitters take the kids for a picnic by a brook. (Woah, do you think this is THE Stoney Brook??)

They find an injured bird, but Dawn cautions against getting too close. Kristy says, “Sometimes it’s better to let nature take its course.” And an adorable little preschool boy replies, “You mean let him die??” GEEZ, KRISTY. But instead they agree to call the parks department.

On their way to find the proper bird-authorities, Dawn stumbles upon some surveyors who plan to build a road through the woods. She goes to city hall and requests information. They give her a copy of all of the plans and permits. She promptly throws all of these papers into the trash because she figures they only gave them to her to slow her down with READING. So much for informed civic duty…oh and saving the trees. That is not a recycling bin, Dawn. Screen Shot 2018-08-12 at 11.50.28 AM

She also meets a new teenage boy (played by Zach Braff) immediately after that so Dawn has a LOT going on right now.

Dawn decides to plan a demonstration. She’s even going to make one of the kids dress up as a tree! Geez, these parents give the baby-sitters a lot of latitude with their children.

Dawn is supposed to go on a date with Zach Braff, but he comes over to pick her up and sees her picket signs…which prompts him to tell her that he supports the road and his mother is the Commissioner of the Department of Public Works.

Dawn yells. A lot. And refuses to go out with him. Even Kristy tells her that Dawn was rude…and like Kristy is THE rudest.

mv5bntqyntq1mtu4mv5bml5banbnxkftztgwotmwmjezmje-_v1_ So Dawn goes to the hearing and tells everyone it’s wrong to cut down trees. And Zach Braff’s mom is all like um sounds like you didn’t even read the plans because we’re going to build an access road so elderly people and those who can’t trek over rocks like you and your friends can enjoy this park and also we’re building recycling facilities there so that people don’t throw their trash in the water. I guess Dawn wants to save face because she still tries to tell them they’re ruining everything, but it is just embarrassing at this point.

Afterwards, Mary-Anne tells Dawn, “You have to learn to persuade, not just scream and yell.” That’s insightful stuff, Mary-Anne!

Dawn finally does some research and with input from the club and drawing by Claudia, she creates plans for an accessible packed-dirt pathway that winds around the trees. She goes to Zach Braff with the idea. He has his mom meet them by the park, where she reviews the plans. She is impressed and agrees to take the plans back to the commission for further review.

Very Special Lesson: I think Dawn best sums this up when David asks her why she didn’t come up with the great packed-dirt road idea earlier: “Because I’m a jerk. Well, a nice jerk that just gets a little too worked up.

Also, fun fact. This is kinda based on a true story or life imates art or art imitates life or idk but here’s the park they filmed at in NJ:

Screen Shot 2018-08-12 at 12.22.58 PM.png

The Baby-Sitters Club: The Babysitters and The Boysitters

August 10, 2018August 6, 2018 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ 1 Comment

s-l300 Logan, as you may recall, is both Mary-Anne’s boyfriend and a BSC associate member, meaning he babysits occasionally but isn’t really in the club. When the official club members are all booked out and Logan can’t help, Mary-Anne suggests that they extend affiliate membership to more boys.

But Kristy–is shockingly into gender roles. Like, Kristy, seriously, have some self-awareness. She doesn’t want to have the boys babysit, but the rest of the group convinces her.

And then they teach the boys how to diaper baby dolls. They also pretend to be screaming/crying children who want cookies, which is weird and kinda freaking me out. Mallory even wears a bib while a boy her age attempts to feed her baby food, which she refuses. WTF. WHERE ARE THE PARENTS.

I understand most people are like worried about their kids drinking or doing drugs, but if I ever find my teenaged daughter wearing a bib while a teenaged boy tries to feed her baby food, I will lose my *$%#ing mind.

Meanwhile, Kristy follows a boy around on a trial-sitting date, with a notepad, and a judge-y face. But this boy sitter teaches the kids to make french toast right on the counter and I think that’s chill as long as he cleans up because all of those germs are getting killed in the frying pan anyway, right? I dunno…I’m not a big cooker…so please don’t take my word on food safety…but it looks like they’re having fun!

TBH these boysitters seem like fun and none of the kids are sick or injured or failing school or whatever…so it sort of seems like the BSC members are being sticks in the mud for no reason.

Some of the kids climb on the roof while Kristy is sitting, so yeah, I see how that is a problem…um but maybe you should have been WATCHING them Kristy instead of talking to only one of the children while you didn’t even know WHERE the others were.

She tries to blame the boysitter for teaching them to climb, but the little boys tell her that he didn’t let them climb on the roof. EYES AND EARS, KRISTY, EYES AND EARS. All he did was show them how to climb a tree and Claudia was all like, “it could be dangerous.”

SMH. YOU’RE KILLING ME, BSC. I don’t want to side with the males, but like they’re right. There is nothing wrong with teaching a kid to climb a tree as long as you pay attention and don’t let them climb buildings because you’re chilling and not watching out. And you know what, teenage girls know that just as much as teenage boys. So, frankly, I’m mad at this TV show for acting like having fun while still being appropriately safe is a male-centric trait.

Vindictive bitch that she is, Kristy has the boysitters take the kids to an arcade for the day, hoping they’ll fail. Oh right, child’s best interest at heart, always, Kristy? Like this was all about keeping the kids safe??

bsc-tv-10-baby-sitters-and-the-boy-sitters-38-game-center The two boysitters loose the kids and they panic. It’s totally heart-wrenching to watch. Honestly, I’m not sure that two BSC members could have done any better. They probably have enough experience at this point to have a better sitter:child ratio and it’s sketchy and cruel that they set less-experienced sitters up to fail.

Luckily, the BSC happens to be walking by when the kids appear unattended, so Mallory and Dawn low-key swoop in to make sure nothing bad happens. But they don’t announce their presence to the boysitters and instead hover in the periphery because they still want to be self-righteous and mean…ahhh junior high school over-developed sense of superiority…

Kristy finally confronts the boys and tells them that no one could have handled the situation. Realizing that they’ve been setup, one boy asks why Kristy let them take the kids to the arcade on a busy Saturday when she knew it would be bedlam, but the other boy interrupts him and says they wouldn’t have listened to her anyway.

I mean…but that still doesn’t really make it okay…

Oh well, they all decide to be friends.

Very Special Lesson: When hiring new employees, criticize their approaches, set them up to fail, and somehow, miraculously, they will still like you and want to work with you.

The Baby-Sitters Club: Jessi and the Mystery of the Stolen Secrets

August 3, 2018July 30, 2018 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ Leave a comment

Jessi learned sign language so she could communicate with a kid she sits for. First of all, that level of dedication is amazing. Secondly, I’m just flat our impressed.

She’s also babysitting for a top-secret charge. He’s a big star in HOLLYWOOD but he’s from Stoney Brook. The only people who know he’s in town are the people in the BSC. And they would NEVER EVER gossip!!!

So when a bunch of reporters show up at his house, the only logical conclusion is that someone is SPYING ON THE BSC.

Kristy calls an emergency meeting of the BSC. How many emergency meetings have we had in this club? What do you think an emergency is, Kristy?!?

spying After searching Claudia’s bedroom for a bug, like normal-average paranoid teenagers, they realize that they’ve all been super careless with the BSC notebook – a binder where they write down everything that’s going on with the kids, so they’re all informed when they switch sitters. Most of the members admit to leaving the kids alone with the notebook, where they could have easily read it.

Jessi demands they do something because the famous kids mom thinks that she cannot be trusted…and it’s like well YEAH…you cannot be trusted. You wrote down the whereabouts of a famous child and then left that information unattended in a library where the kid you were with or any other person could have happened upon it.

Kristy is stressing because the business implications are BAD. So Dawn suggests that they leave the notebook out on a table in the library and see who reads it.

Oh…okay so you’re just going to leave a book open in a library and then accuse whoever happens to read it of being a spy?? Geez. Like. Where are the adults? Why are they letting these teenage girls get so weird and obsessive about babysitting. EVERYTHING IN MODERATION.

They leave this notebook out for all of the kids to see, and they tell them that it’s all super private. They’re like we write all about the kids we sit for in it, even you, and you can’t see it. SO DUH THE KIDS GET PISSED. [The simple days before social media.] And then the parents get pissed.

So then the BSC has to go around explaining to everyone that it’s a private, confidential notebook that is only meant to help them be more effective babysitters. And like who wouldn’t want a fourteen year old keeping case notes on their kid?

bsc-tv-9-jessi-and-the-mystery-of-the-stolen-secrets-13-jessi-matt-phone But during the meeting with the kids, they realize that the deaf child can actually read lips. So he didn’t realize when Jessi was talking on the phone that it was a secret because she just assumed he couldn’t understand and didn’t take any extra care to conceal her conversation from him.

Very Special Lesson: I mean, don’t you think it would have been important to tell your child’s babysitter that he was learning to lip read?

The Baby-Sitters Club: Claudia & The Mystery of The Secret Passage

July 27, 2018July 22, 2018 ~ theveryspecialblog ~ Leave a comment

As an avid Clue player, I love a secret passage.

hqdefault This episode starts off with the BSC looking at baby photos of themselves and remarking on whether or not they look like their siblings. “Do most sisters look-alike,” Mary Anne queries. I’m concerned about the quality of education they’re getting at Stony Brook Middle School…

So as it turns out Dawn just happens to have a secret passage chilling in her house. UGH SHE HAS THE BEST LIFE. Great hair. Great step-sister. Great secret passage.

The BSC is working on a photo-history project and Dawn has stored the bulletin board there because it was too big and obtrusive to keep in her room. (Hm… I mean okay fine whatever guess we have to investigate the secret passage somehow). Instead of leaning the bulletin board against a wall in this very spacious passage, Dawn has wedged it in between insulation pieces in a broken-down partial-wall.

Dawn can’t pull the bulletin board out easily, so she pulls while Claudia pushes from the other side. In the process, Claudia finds a taped up “treasure map” in the wall.

Okay finding things in walls is cool. Treasure maps are cool. But you wedged a bulletin board in a broken wall? Like it’s a freaking secret passage. You could have just been like “cool, let’s snoop in the secret passage.” Also, can you imagine a Goonies version of the BSC? Kristy would be like absolutely crazy on the treasure path.

But it isn’t a treasure map. It’s just an old note. The note reads: “I didn’t lose Bettina’s diamond ring. Why won’t she believe me? She’s so mean sometimes that I’m afraid of her. I wish with all my heart I never had a big sister. I vow never ever to speak to her again.”

Claudia decides that “Bettina sounds really evil.” Geez. Harsh, Claud. And they decide the whole BSC will investigate on Friday night at a sleepover. In another big assumption, Claudia decides that these sisters are dead. So they all agree to have a spooky séance, hoping to restore the sister’s spiritual peace.

mv5bmtuwmza5otm1m15bml5banbnxkftztgwmdixndezmje-_v1_uy268_cr870182268_al_ The séance is pretty lame, but Kristy tries to spook everyone with a tape recording of ghost noises, which is kinda cool. Then the wind blows their candles out and Kristy tries to hide the tape recorder in the insulation before anyone can catch her red-handed. That’s when she finds the missing ring! The band is broken, so it probs just fell off in the passageway many years ago.

The BSC decides this proves that Bettina’s sister is not a thief. The next day Claudia brags to her older sister that the séance was a massive success. She’s all like, “I bet this letter is two hundred years old.” And her sister is like you idiot, “When do you think they invented transparent tape?”

As it turns out, transparent tape was invented in the 1930s. Since the letter was taped to the insulation, it can’t be any older than that. So the BSC goes to the library and hunts through all of the old year books for “Bettina.” They come up with nothing and decide to try jewelry stores instead.

The jeweler confirms that the style was very popular in the 1950s, but they didn’t keep records of who they sold them to. However, he remembers Bettina and confirms that she married a local grocer. AND OMG IT TURNS OUT TO BE THE GROCER WHOSE GROCERY STORE THE BSC WENT TO FOR SLEEPOVER SNACKS.

Aw wait bummer, the grocer is dead and the store is under new ownership. The new owner thinks that his widow opened a flower shop. So the girls head to a bunch of flower shops. They begin to convince themselves that Bettina must have killed Flora, the little sister, because no one in town remembers what happened to her.

When they finally find Bettina, they think that she is threatening them with gardening shears. And then Flora walks in while they’re all screaming like lunatics. They return the ring and realize the sisters got over it like at least three decades earlier anyhow.

The episode ends with the BSC hosting a picnic to celebrate all of their little sisters. Claudia’s older sister makes cupcakes and Stacey brings a kid she babysits for because she’s an only child. They also invite Bettina and Flora and, surprise, Flora is EMILY GILMORE.

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