May Awareness Day: Getting Mandy Moore Into the Meme Mix

By now I’m sure you’ve seen this making the rounds today (and every April 30th over the last few years). IMG_7333

But like a whole year before JT proclaimed the advent of the fifth month in the year of our lord, Mandy was beckoning the arrival of the only month with a name too short to need an abbreviation in one of the greatest songs ever. Here’s my deep dive into the weird way pop stars said vowels in the late nineties/early aughts from last May Day.
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That Time America Forgot The Letter “E.”

If this isn’t proof that we need Sesame Street, I’m not sure what is.

As I’m sure all citizens of the internet are now aware, today is May 1st. But lest we forget, Justin Timberlake was not the only American pop star of the late 90’s who couldn’t remember his vowel sounds.

Perhaps, the worst offender is Mandy Moore. And she can’t even get a cool meme out of her “COME TO MAYYYYY” chorus. Also, has anyone else noticed that she doesn’t really dance in this video? It’s a lot of quick jump cuts to give the impression that she’s dancing, but no actual dancing occurs.

Of course, it always comes back to Britney doesn’t it? She does remember how to say “me,” but she seems to forget how to pronounce baby, saying instead “bay-bay” or as my friend insisted in 1999, “baybin’ baybin’.”

Shout out to Christina Aguilera for remembering how to pronounce the letter “E” in every word of “Genie in a Bottle.” P.S. I thought this song was about kissing and I’m pretty sure that my parents only let me listen to it because they didn’t want to have to correct my perception of the lyrics.

BREAKING NEWS: The Return of Girl Talk!

First of all, this isn’t actually breaking news to anyone who has been following Fuller House. But as you well know, I got burned badly by the first season and I’ve been bitterly avoiding the reboot ever since.

But curiosity got the best of me and I decided to watch the trailer for the second season. I rolled my eyes A LOT. Even more than usual.

The schmaltz factor is high: The New Radicals’s “You Get What You Give” plays over a montage of “feel-good” moments highlighting the show’s “exciting” new season while harkening back to its nostalgic roots–even though Full House was several season over by the time the trailer’s featured song charted, but I digress.

There it was roughly 1 minute 43 seconds and 6.5 eye-rolls in, shining like a beacon of hope to my one major and well-documented request for this reboot: Girl Talk. It looks like we’ll be hearing “The Sign” again soon, Very Special Readers. Maybe they’ll even finish the song this time.

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It looks like DJ has joined the group as drummer with Kimmy and Steph as the only original band members. While I’m sad that it doesn’t look like Gia will be reprising her role, I guess they had to let Kimmy’s kid have something to do on the show.

I do NOT want to get my hopes up…but I’m kind of looking forward to this episode…

How Do You Talk to An Angel?

enhanced-buzz-12613-1363814355-7I have “How Do You Talk to An Angel” stuck in my head, but only the chorus part because I don’t actually know the rest of the song. I’ve been singing it on loop in the bathroom and my living room and in that fake-husky 90’s indie-rock voice. This is a song I have always known and never remember hearing for the first time.

As a kid in the early 90’s, I heard this song literally everywhere: At the mall. At the grocery store with the good candy section. At the McDonald’s where I got my coveted Happy Meal but with the boy’s toy because I had a bowl cut UGH THANKS GENDER NORMS. But I didn’t realize until more recenlty that this song is actually from a TV Show called The Heights.

As some of you may know, I write a blog about TV shows. Thus, I decided to turn this earworm into something productive. If only so I could say, “Oh it’s okay that I almost got evicted from my apartment for singing four lines of a song incessantly for several days because I reviewed this episode of The Heights for The VSB.”

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Snark Pencil available on Etsy. Disclaimer: I don’t really have a snark pencil.
I turned to frequent VSB resource YouTube and found the full length transferred-from VHS pilot episode, which is also conveniently the episode that features the song in question. Things were really falling into place and I was sharpening my snark pencil, all ready to go. But I vastly underestimated how bad the show could be.

Watching The Heights made me hate “How Do You Talk to An Angel” with a fiery passion. I would like for the universe to return to me the seven minutes I wasted watching this junk. Yes, that’s right. The show was so boring that I only lasted seven minutes. Since I obviously cannot review the episode, I bring you instead: The Heights – An Autopsy.

In short, The Heights is a show about a band called “The Heights” that lives in a neighborhood called, you guessed it, “The Heights”. They’re twenty-somethings and they’re “eclectic.” It’s like The Breakfast Club grew up and started a band, but instead of finding commonalities in their disparate social circles, they all crowded around in a rehearsal space and whined about whether they should sing hair metal or folk music.

419517496_mFor this piece, I did a lot of heavy research: I read a wikipedia page and googled “‘How Do You Talk to An Angel’ + ‘Touched by an Angel'” [There appears to be no overlap between the two shows.] I also vaguely reflected upon an episode of something that I saw on VH1 roughly ten years ago that briefly talked about this song and how lead singer, Jamie Walters, went on to play an abusive boyfriend of Donna Martin (Tori Spelling) on 90210, which the show seemed to suggest killed his career. (Like apparently he got type cast as a deadbeat, which is kind of a bummer).

According to Wikipedia, The Heights was canceled one week after Whitney Houston’s iconic “I Will Always Love You” knocked “How Do You Talk To An Angel” out of the number one spot on Billboard’s Top 100. This leads me to believe that the only reason this show wasn’t cancelled after three episodes was that the song fooled America into thinking that we might actually want to watch The Heights.

So what actually happens in this 44 minute episode? This band of Gen-Xers is just “keeping it real” and living day-to-day in “The Heights,” while they try to figure out their band’s “sound.” No one likes the conventional “establishment” looking dude with the Jason Priestly haircut. But when some other dude in the band doesn’t show up to practice, they let him sit in. In the span of thirty seconds he elevates their sound, nay he IS their sound. And they decide that what they really need to be is neither a past-its-expiration-date hair metal group nor a neo-folk band, but rather a vanilla pop ensemble that produces this schmaltzy song.

And this leaves me really with more questions than answers:
-Why are there so many people playing guitars?
-Is this the same studio saxophonist who gave Rob Lowe his “musical talents” in St. Elmo’s Fire?
-Why are there so many people in this band?
-OMG THAT IS THE TEACHER WHO WAS FRIENDS WITH MR. TURNER ON BOY MEETS WORLD PLAYING THE BASS
-Why does it turn into a music video in the end? Am I to believe that this song is SO good that it immediately made them music video famous? Oh wait. That’s what actually happened in real life, isn’t it?

Oh hey, I found the VH1 video. #ThanksYouTube


Oh well, at least these guys had fun for a few weeks in 1992. Also, any LA people ever call the paramedics and have Jamie Walters show up? I’d LOVE to hear about that.

Happy Morning

Guys, I’m feeling pretty bummed out. I feel like my Roseanne post was a total sadfest (and you can blame that on my lack of diligence for searching out shows that start with the letter R). But I’m also bummed out because I feel like we keep relieving “the day the music died” over and over again.

It’s sad any time someone whose talent we love and appreciate dies, but the sheer number of LEGENDS we’ve lost in the past few years is bring me down major. So I’d like to just take a moment to share my happy place with you.

My happy place exists somewhere between bubble gum pop, R&B, and early 80’s new wave. I also cannot function in the morning and I need like a sheer rush of joy to even get enough momentum to make myself a cup of coffee. I don’t usually wake up early enough to even listen to this playlist anymore, so I think it will always remind me of making the trek from Brooklyn to Manhattan with my fellow commuters. Nothing’s quite like watching the morning sun sparkle over the Brooklyn Bridge. Anyway, I hope it brightens your day and that you all have very happy mornings!