8 Easy Halloween Costumes for 2021 (That Use Your Quarantine Wardrobe!)

Look, I get it. We’re all dressing for comfort right now. But if you’re vaxxed and looking to actually go out for Halloween this year (!!!) then please look no further than your own closet for a costume. Suggestions below:

Drew Barrymore (Casey) in Scream

Now, if you already have a blonde bob then you’re 25% done with this costume. If however, you need to purchase a wig, you may do so at Forever 21 for $7.99. I don’t usually encourage fast fashion, so please do try to wear this wig more than once — preferably several times over the course of many years. You’ll also need an off-white (or, hell, who cares you can use white too) cable knit sweater. This is great going into the cold weather months. You’re going to want to wear this again and again. If you don’t already have one, you can grab one at Stitch Fix for $58. Next, get some loose fitting light-wash jeans. If you buy them from Madewell, you can send them back to be recycled and the company will give you a credit on future jeans. The white cordless phone is, evidently, now a collectors item for something like $200 on ebay. But this shit is so boxy, I suggest you get your craft on and make one out of a white paper box.

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Sigourney Weaver (Dana) in Ghostbusters

Now technically this dress should be crewneck, but as long as you’re wearing a gray sweater dress of some sort, I think we can be flexible with the neckline. You’ll also need a purple plaid scarf and a black belt (not in karate but if that is all you have in your closet then definitely just tie that around the dress and call it a day). Now I have scoured the internet and I cannot find Dana’s exact scarf, so use your best approximation. The belt and the dress are both from Gap and I’m sure there’s some kind of discount code you can apply to make them a little easier on your wallet.

there's never anything good in the fridge - GIF on Imgur

Patrick Swayze (Sam) in Ghost

Toss on that red shirt you’re no longer wearing to the office and pair it with some black jeans. Now you’re Patrick Swayze! Wear black shoes if you have them, but it doesn’t really matter. No one is going to be looking at your feet.

70s, 80s, 90s | Patrick swayze, Swayze, Patrick swayze ghost

Penny Marshall (The Devil’s Wife) in Hocus Pocus

This requires jammies, a robe, and some of those hair curlers that kind of look like snakes. The robe below is from LL Bean so look at is as an investment item, or just wear any old robe because to be fair the one below doesn’t match the pattern in the movie anyway. You can get mint green PJs on sale at Madewell for $34.99. Finally, fill up a glass with whisky or tea and put on a real grouchy face like your husband is flirting with a bunch of strange women who are way too old to be trick-or-treating and keep calling him “master.” Oh and the hair rollers are $14.99 at Target.

Penny Marshall Hocus Pocus GIF - Penny Marshall Hocus Pocus GIFs

Multiple Options Using Athleisure

I’ve seen a lot of Squid Game costume suggestions floating around here on the internet, which is great. But maybe you don’t own a green tracksuit. Maybe your tracksuit is black, pink or red. Here are a few options for you. It’s also okay to pair a red sweatshirt and yellow shorts and pretend it’s 2008 and you’re dressed as Paulie Bleeker. It’s okay in 2021. It’s all okay.

A lot of these will depend on whether or not you’re dressing up as a group. For example, if you all have green tracksuits, then you should probably go as Squid Game players. But if you’re dressing up solo, then you should opt for Old Biff Tannen from Back to the Future. Margarita Glasses are optional for the Cool Mom from Mean Girls. The red tracksuits from Royal Tennenbaums also work for a group. But a plain black tracksuit (with or without gold medallion) will work best as Christopher from The Sopranos.

Literally anyone from the 80s or early 90s

Scrunchies are back. LEAN INTO IT. You don’t want to stop wearing leggings? PUT THEM ON. Got a giant ass sweatshirt that is way too big for you? Congratulations, you’re on your way to Jazzercise. Ditch the scrunchie and put on a pair of heels if you want to be Jennifer Beals in Flashdance.

Flashdance - Flashdance Photo (2823822) - Fanpop

Mare of Easttown

There are so many good options here. You really just need some thick sweaters, blue or brown outerwear, and a low ponytail. Gauze/Ace bandage on your arm are optional. Please don’t vape. Thank you.

Baby-Sitters Club Member

This one is super flexible in terms of costume. You can dress up as a group or you can dress up solo as your favorite club member. You can style it old school or you can be the more modern reboot version. But here’s where the magic comes in. Worried about your mid-late (idk what phase we’re in) pandemic social anxiety is getting the best of you? Don’t worry about it. You’re packing a Kid Kit. And Everyone loves a coloring book. Now you’re the life of the party. You’re welcome.

The Baby-Sitters Club (TV Series 1990) - IMDb

Let’s Talk Puzzles

Let’s not mince words. We’re swiftly moving into winter, the days are short, and the quarantine is long. I’m comforting myself with the emotional weighted-blanket that it several seasons of Grey’s Anatomy. (I started watching for the first time in August! Wow, what a ride! It’s a soap opera! I didn’t realize! Now I’m addicted! But that isn’t the point of this post!)

Anyway, the point is that 2020 is weird. And sometimes when you’re binge watching, you also need a task to help with the crippling anxiety. We are utilitarian people and we need to feel handy!

As a small child, people tried to encourage me to do puzzles to help with my motor skills or cognitive reasoning or whatever and yet, for DECADES, I have felt that puzzles are unequivocally boring. However, many fellow humans have told me that they’ve found puzzles satisfying during COVID times. So idk, maybe I’ll give them another shot. (But probably not.)

In the event that I decide to give puzzles another go, I did some research on potentially cool ones. I’ve decided to share that research with you in case you do not have the same lifelong hatred of puzzles that I seem to have buried deep, deep within my soul.

Also I wrote a post several years ago about novelty television board games. So if you’re anti-puzzle like me but you love board games (also like me), then might I recommend checking that out for inspiration?

500 PIECE PUZZLES

The Golden Girls “Stay Golden” available for $19.99 at Urban General Store

The Office available for $14.95 at Books a Million

Blockbuster Clueless Poster VHS puzzle available for $10.43 at Hot Topic

 1000 PIECE PUZZLES

The Golden Girls “I Heart Miami” available for $14.99 at Target

Friends Milkshake Puzzle available for $19.95 at the WB Shop

Die Hard Nakatomi Plaza available for $29.99 from Target

“The Color of Fun” Crayola puzzle available for $19.95 at The Paper Store

I know the last one doesn’t fit the theme. But doesn’t a box of crayons just make you feel safe?

You know what though, the more I think about it…the more I’m like…that Golden Girls “Stay Golden” puzzle is super cute, so maybe I will order that one. I finally came around to cooking in quarantine, so truly anything is possible.

In 2021 Will I Be Martin Mull from That Episode of The Golden Girls?

3233Let me start off by saying, I would 100% prefer the nerves I feel re-acclimating to society as NYC continues to reopen to the crippling lingering effects many people experience after covid. And if you’re an anti-masker, don’t even come at me! I do not have time to argue science with you. If everybody wore a mask back in April, then maybe I would leading a semi-normal life right now instead of wondering if I’m going to find Jimmy (Martin Mull) from the “Snap Out of It” episode of The Golden Girls a tad too relatable when this pandemic is over.

While I have loads and loads of normal regular times neurotic anxiety, I’ve never had social anxiety. But after spending months and months only seeing like, oh I don’t know, the same five,  the thought of a full-length conversation face to face with  ANYONE other than one of those five people seems a little spooky. 

In all fairness, I went on a blind-friend date (which is a blind date with a new friend, not a romantic blind date) last weekend and it felt surprisingly normal. But it was like 90 minutes of walking outside, which as much as I want to claim to be a fit healthy person is not how I typically socialized in the pre-quarantine life.

So what I’m talking about is getting cozy in a bar or sitting next to a total stranger on a subway car (gasp). WTF is THAT going to feel like??

Okay now join me on this journey back to 1990 and let me paint you a little picture of what’s going on with The Golden Girls. Sophia and Dorothy are volunteering for Meals on Wheels. Dorothy complains that Sophia is talking and visiting with the meal recipients, which honestly is kind of the point of Meals on Wheels, but there’s this one door where they don’t even knock because that person just wants the food left outside the door.

Dorothy catches a glimpse of the man as he retrieves the food and immediately believes him to be a scammer because he is both young and physically abled. So Dorothy follows this man into his apartment and rudely grills him because he doesn’t have any illnesses that she can SEE with her EYES. Ugh.

mm1Even though he shouldn’t have to (because he’s on the freaking food recipient list) he tells Dorothy that he hasn’t left his apartment in twenty-two years, so that she will let him keep his damn food!

Dorothy apologies and immediately leaves only to complain to Sophia that it’s such a bummer that this poor dude is all alone and there isn’t anything she can do about it. WHICH ONCE AGAIN. IS THE POINT OF MEALS ON WHEELS. (We know this show is smarter than that so don’t worry, it’s all a big set up for character development.)

Off-screen Dorothy and Jimmy have a big heart to heart. We don’t get to hear it, so I guess they didn’t want to pay Martin Mull that much for his shooting time, but we do get to hear Dorothy describe to Blanche later on that the stress of the tumultuous 1960’s caused Jimmy’s agoraphobia. Blanche is all like yeah I get that but things are fine now so how come he isn’t hanging out with everybody???

Eventually, Dorothy gets a call from Jimmy who says he is ready to stop isolating. Sophia warns Dorothy that she isn’t a psychiatrist and should check her ego. But come on have you met Dorothy?? She is nothing if not egotistical.

As it turns out, Jimmy doesn’t want to leave his apartment. He wants Dorothy to move in with him and be his bride. Uh. Oh. So that’s something else to be concerned about once everyone gets fully back on this streets. Note to self: do not marry the first person you talk to.

Dorothy tells Jimmy that the feeling is not mutual. Jimmy becomes depressed and doubles down on self-isolation.

Note to self: do not put all your eggs in one basket. Expect rejection from the “love” your trauma-bonded brain tells you that you’re experiencing. GET BACK ON THE HORSE.

Jimmy refuses to speak to Dorothy the next time she drops off his food, so she seduces him by slowly listing the names of the Chicago Seven in a bedroom voice. Geeeez Baby Boomers, am I right?

mv5bmji3otm2njk2mf5bml5banbnxkftztgwndu5mdy1mje40._v1_Jimmy confides in her that he would really love to shop for his own groceries, so she convinces him to go to the store with her — where he just so happens to be the one millionth customer. There are many streamers! Balloons! And a grand prize trip to Mardi Gras! But Jimmy runs away immediately because woah what an overwhelming reintroduction to the world.

Dorothy returns home defeated, only to find Jimmy minutes later at her door with a sweater she left behind at his place. Dorothy’s generosity has convinced him that he would like to rejoin society. He’s even willing to go to a counselor if she will give him a ride.

Very Special Lesson: Hmmm this seems like a very inaccurate depiction of agoraphobia. But I do think it seems like an accurate depiction of someone who is just a little socially anxious after self-isolation. But if Martin Mull could walk to The Golden Girls House in Miami heat after 22 years inside his apartment, I can probably get back on the subway someday.

This Post Is About Ice Cream!

Wow oh wow I cannot believe we haven’t spoken since pre-pandemic times, Very Special Readers! I just don’t have it in me to poke fun at sitcoms right now. My whole vantage point has changed! What I wouldn’t give to crawl into Growing Pains and let Daddy Seaver tell me he’s proud of me for not doing cocaine in the bathroom of another suburban home. Can you imagine the LUXURY of that simple life???

Anyway, what I have been doing is getting busy in the kitchen. Yes, yes ME the person who six years ago could not crack an egg! So what happened is I ordered this fancy ice cream bowl from Williams-Sonoma. And then I found out it was backordered. I know there’s a pandemic, so I’m not blaming anyone but finding out something is backordered after you hand over your money is a real bummer. What’s an even bigger bummer is finding out that item is non-refundable even though they cannot actually send it to you. So I was like screw this fancy ice cream bowl, I’m just going to freeze a metal mixing bowl and prove that it works just as well…and you know what…it did!

I used this recipe from the Minimalist Baker. I didn’t have vanilla bean so I just used a little more vanilla extract than the recipe called for. I let my coconut milk chill for 24 hours but I do think 48 hours would have been better. I ended up sacrificing a little fat closer to the bottom of the can because it hadn’t fully separated from the water down there.

Here are some photos for your viewing pleasure:

But listen, I’m not going to leave you hanging. I know you come here for a little nostalgia and a little (okay, a lot of) snark, so I did some research and here are some sitcom related ice cream things:

I learned from Michael’s TV Tray that there are TWO SEPARATE sundae holidays in this country. There’s a lot we’re not doing right but at least we have two separate sundae holidays over here! *crying emoji* *grimace emoji* Anyway, here in America we have the opportunity to celebrate National Sundae Day or, for those of you who prefer your ice cream with toppings, National Hot Fudge Sundae Day.

You can head on over to Michael’s TV Tray to learn all about Saved by the Bell’s girl group “Hot Fudge Sundae” which like serious wtf that was the name? Idk I forgot because I was so distracted by Jessie’s caffeine pill addiction. If that’s not up your alley, maybe you’d prefer to read about the time Marcia Brady worked at an ice cream store.

If you’re like, no no no listen I came here to learn about an entirely NEW show that’s EXCLUSIVELY about ice cream right down to the show name and it NEEDS to be from the 1980s and bonus points if I have NEVER heard of it, then yes, I also have you covered:

Once upon a time there was a television series called Rocky Road. (Pause for laughter.) The series is about a group of siblings, ranging in age from twelve to twenty-two, who takeover the family ice cream business after their parents die. So it’s like Party of Five but much, much worse. According to John Carmen, who was assigned the unfortunate task of reviewing this show way back in 1985 for The Atlanta Journal and The Atlanta Constitution, “Watching these made-for-WTBS comedies is getting to be like shopping the generic food aisle at the supermarket. The unadorned cans and boxes are supposed to contain real edibles, but you can’t help having misgivings.”

Finally, I present to you some of the troubling episode titles from the show’s three season run: “Knives Near the Water”; “Sister Was a Centerfold”; “Jess, You Is My Mother Now”; “Why Frank Senior Can’t Read.” So it seems like there’s a lot to unpack there.

Anyway, hope you’re all hanging in there! If I can make ice cream, you can too!