It’s Halloween at the Tanner’s! But the only way you would know it is that everyone is in costume for the first thirty seconds of the show when we get to see all of the Tanners in costume.

But it’s a Halloween fake out! I’m certain that the only reason they included any inkling of Halloween in this episode is because it originally aired three days before Halloween. Aside from being forced into witnessing an unbearable three stooges impersonation by Danny, Jesse, and Joey, there is basically no Halloween in this episode at all. So after the opening credits roll, it’s suddenly some inconsequential date in November. It is, however, a very special episode. And thus, I have a journalistic obligation to share it with you,

Jesse has sold his very first television commercial jingle! This one sale gives him the confidence to quit his job at the family exterminating business and pursue advertising/music as a full time career. Jesse’s dad is so pissed that he disowns him. He is literally so insulted by the fact that his kid won’t take over the family business, that he decides he cannot consider him a family member anymore. I mean I get that some people take the family business super personal, but did he forget that his daughter just died like a year ago and maybe he should not be casting his remaining child off so carelessly like he has dozens of children to spare? Oh well, at least his exterminator jacket has that super cool graphic design of a dead ant on the back of it.

We also, discover that Jesse is twenty-five years old. This is so beyond disturbing. Sure, Uncle Jesse is the cool and hot guy on this show but he cannot be anywhere close to my age. He’s like selling music and raising children and being hot and single and accomplished and how is he only twenty-five???

There’s also a subplot about Stephanie being afraid to go to the dentist. She gets some cold comfort from DJ, who tries to assuage her fears by saying that they are stupid. She says it is normal for little kids to have stupid and irrational fears, and that she herself used to have them too. For example, she was afraid of being sucked down the drain in the bathtub when she was a kid. (This is so real. I had this same exact fear!!!) But DJ learned that the fear was unwarranted. And how did she discover that truth? By displaying some seriously sociopathic tendencies and unplugging the drain while baby Stephanie was in the bath. When Stephanie managed not to be sucked down the drain, DJ realized it was a silly fear. But oh my gosh, that is so twisted!

Eventually, Jesse’s mom forces her husband and son to make up by tricking her husband into coming over to the house and holding baby Michelle while Jesse tries to explain his hopes and dreams to him. Eventually, Jesse’s dad agrees to accept him back into the family even though he thinks his hopes and dreams are stupid. But he loves his kid and that is all that matters…right?

Halloween (Adjacent) Lesson: Love your kids for who they are and not who you need them to be.