full house

Full House: Divorce Court

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Stephanie and her friends are playing in her shared-room with DJ, who just happens to walk in while Stephanie is jumping on DJ’s bed and holding on to her Pillow Person. DJ reminds Stephanie she isn’t supposed to mess with her stuff and kicks her and her friends out of the room.

Full House: Season 3 Episode 8 - TV on Google Play

But Stephanie comes back in and insists they discuss their Halloween costumes for the carnival only to find out that DJ is planning to bail on her promise to go to the carnival at Stephanie’s school and go to a junior high school party instead.

This explodes into a larger fight with each girl running to Danny and asking him to send the other’s friends home. Danny reacts by sending all of their friends home and confining them to their room without music, phone, or television (the entire 90’s trifecta) until they can “learn to get along.”

Meanwhile downstairs, Danny, Jesse, and Joey are engaged in a little friendly running competition. They decide to make things more interesting: the winners get to pick the Halloween costumes that the losers will have to wear to the carnival.

Full House – Divorce Court clip4 - YouTube

After struggling to eat dinner while Stephanie annoys her relentlessly, DJ proposes that they simply fake a reconciliation so Danny will let them out of their room. The rouse works.

As soon as Danny leaves, Stephanie tells DJ she wants a divorce and she’ll be moving in with Michelle.

Stephanie and DJ move Stephanie’s bed into Michelle’s room. Uncle Jesse says it’s okay with him for the night, but he’ll have to check with Danny to see if it’s okay long-term. While Stephanie and Michelle head to bed, DJ rollerblades in the space where Stephanie’s bed used to be.

The next morning, Danny, Jesse, and Joey are preparing for their sprint race when Rebecca shows up with the film crew from Wake Up, San Francisco! Ugh. She is truly the WORST.

Full House (1987-1995)

Danny begs Jesse and Joey to let him win so he’s not embarrassed on his own show. But they both refuse to throw the race. Joey has his heart set on making Danny dress up as Big Bird and Jesse as his imaginary friend Snuffleupagus.

According to Rebecca’s reporting, Danny is star athlete who despite being in his thirties and not training at all, has started his sprint fast enough to break the world record. But we know she’s not a reliable source for facts on innate athletic ability, so I would take that with a big old grain of salt.

After about 50 meters, the other guys catch up to Danny. And by the time they’ve made it 200 meters into their 400 meter race, they’re all moving at a slow crawl. Turns out none of them are in great shape. The momentarily agree to stage a tie, but this alliance quickly falls apart when Rebecca starts egging them on from the finish line.

Once again, flouting all rule and regulations in the wide world of sports, Rebecca determines the winner by snapping a photo — form the chest up. And declares Danny the winner because his nose crossed the finish line first. Apparently, feet don’t matter in a foot race.

When they return home, they find that Stephanie has realized living with a three year old is not ideal for getting a good night’s rest. She calls it “A nightmare on Sesame Street.” When DJ refuses to let Stephanie move back into their room, Stephanie threatens to take her to court.

In a strange show of parenting, the three men decide to hold a moot court with Joey acting as DJ’s lawyer and Jesse representing Stephanie. Danny will be the judge. This is such an upper-middle class white dad way of solving family problems…anyway…

Divorce Court (1989)

To the court, DJ explains that she’s no shared interest with her little sister and needs more privacy than sharing a room with Stephanie will allow her. Jesse cross-examines DJ and nails her on the fact that she played Barbie dolls with Stephanie only a week ago!

When it’s Stephanie’s turn to take the stand, she says she cannot live with DJ because DJ just doesn’t like her anymore. DJ says she does like Stephanie, but she just doesn’t want to live with her. Danny tells them that Michelle is just too young to have Stephanie live with her. And then they all tell the girls how one day they’ll have more in common and love having each other as sisters.

Divorce Court (1989)

Hold on — hold on — wasn’t this really all about DJ breaking a promise to Stephanie? Why have we not addressed that? The carnival is the root of this issue, people!!!!!

Well don’t worry because they actually do resolve this issue on their own. DJ asks Stephanie later on why she’s so upset about the fact that she’s not going to the carnival with her. Stephanie tells DJ how much she admires her and wants to spend time with her. DJ tells Stephanie how much she makes her laugh and that she likes spending time with her too. It turns out there’s a really great solution to all of this…DJ can go to the carnival first and then go to the party!

And what costumes did Danny pick for Jesse and Joey? He’s made them both dress up as Shirley Temple. On another note, I’m pretty sure I had a dress like the one they’re wearing in 1995.

11 'Full House' Episodes To Watch For Halloween

Very Special Halloween Lesson: This one seems pretty straight forward to me. Never ever let Lori Laughlin judge your costume-contest-400 meter race.

Full House: Happy New Year

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Joey hasn’t had a date in while, so Danny and Jesse decide to set him up with a lady. Really this shouldn’t be shocking because he’s a grown man who randomly lives in the basement of his friend’s house. On top of that, I’m not even sure that he has a job at this point in the show. But fine I’ll pretend to care about Joey for this episode.

But first, I’m obsessed with Stephanie’s outfit here, so please leave me a note in the comments if you see this jacket in an adult size. Thank you in advance.

Joey spends the afternoon calling everyone he’s been out with that year to see if anyone is free for New Year’s Eve. This is the 1990 equivalent of getting a “hey” text several months later from a guy you regrettably hooked up much earlier in the year and have since forgotten about. NOT that I’m speaking from experience.

Joey — sad that he has no date but apparently unaware of the negative effect his denim shirt with Babar appliqué has on his relationship status — offers to stay home with Michelle and Stephanie on New Year’s Eve, so that Danny, Jesse, and DJ can go to parties. This prompts Danny and Jesse to find Joey a date. This also marks the last point in the episode in which there is any semblance of ethical or personal boundaries between these three grown-ass men. Should be a fun episode!

The two of them decide to sign Joey up for a video dating service without him knowing. To trick him into sitting for the video, Danny calls Joey up to the attic, where Jesse has hidden a secret camera in an ad for toothpaste. (So I guess this is the point in the series where Jesse and Joey are writing jingles. My bad for calling Joey unemployed earlier on.) 

Danny and Jesse act super strangely, which freaks Joey out. He notices they’re “talking to the easel” but doesn’t see the big circular cutout in front of the camera lens. He endures the weirdness just long enough for Danny and Jesse to get what they need on tape. When they come clean, Joey is made for literally two seconds. When Jesse tells Joey there are plenty of women who want to meet him, Joey gets over the massive violation of his privacy pretty quickly.

The prospects aren’t great though. And what follows is a PG version of the club scene from Coming to America. But then we get to Christine’s part of the video. Her friends have signed her up for this for Christmas and she’s kind of skeptical about the whole thing. She seems cool, so Joey invites her over to the house for New Year’s Eve dinner. I mean, I would have told DJ that she couldn’t go to Kimmie’s party, but I guess it’s fine to bring a first date over to dinner when you’re a grown man babysitting…(And just so you know I’m not a total jerk, Joey only agreed to babysit in the first place because DJ wanted to bail on her babysitting plans and go to Kimmie’s party next door instead). 

Unfortunately, Joey’s gotten a little obsessed with the idea of Christine. He’s decided she’s “the one” based on a five second video in which she said literally nothing about herself. But they do appear to hit it off pretty quickly. She’s even fine with babysitting three kids.Oh yeah, I should mention that Danny’s date also left her son behind for babysitting. He’s creepy and has breath spray even though he’s like eight years old. Please see below: Steph has a pro-tip for dealing with this and I’m happy to share it with all of you – 

Everyone arrives home in time to ring in the New Year, and Joey proposes to Christine. Even more bizarrely, she says yes. They decide to pack and go get married in Tahoe. In the time it takes Christine to go home and pack, they both decide that they don’t want to get married.

Very Special Lesson for the New Year: Eh I mean honestly, it’s just one day. 

I See You Aunt Becky, You Ain’t Low

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Oh I have many, many thoughts on the college admissions scandal. I could literally write 72 blog posts on this (but I’ll spare you). I think one of the ickiest vibes I have from all of this (aside from the blatant cheating and the continued marginalization of underprivileged teens and first-generation college students) is that all these chill, work-hard, down to earth celebs are LIARS who are just gonna came the system like every other stereotypical entitled rich white lady — ahem — I’m looking at you Aunt Becky.

But let me just real quick sum up my thoughts with a side by side comparison of two episodes of Full House that I’m sure you’ve already heard a lot about this past week. Like wtf how many of us get to literally role-play potential crimes and then are like “yeah sign me up for the cheating and the fraud, please.” Psychologists of the world, let me read your case studies.

Okay, bear with me as I now undertake the HERCULEAN task of reviewing two Full House episodes SIMULTANEOUSLY. (Lord, I don’t even know if I can handle it. Will I go into a diabetic coma from all of the saccharine schmaltz. Pray for me, Very Special Readers. Pray.) They are: “Be True to Your Pre-School” and “The Test.” I will not have time or patience for B-plots!

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First of all. I think this a wig. I no longer trust this woman to have real hair. Thoughts?

During a play date, Rebecca and Jesse realize that they’re behind on the preschool game. They haven’t been researching preschools, so they other parents tell them that there is a big risk their kids won’t be “on the fast track for life.” Okay, are we noticing some similarities to REAL LIFE yet, people??

The questions on the application are very difficult for two year-olds and include things like, “Evaluate the scope of your child’s verbal skills.” Joey recommends that Jesse lie on the application. (I hate Joey but I do feel that this is a little out of character). Basically, Jesse feels that he’s only helping his children out because if his parents had sent him to a good preschool then he probably wouldn’t be in night school trying to earn a high school diploma.

With Jesse’s lies, the boys make it to the next stage of admissions: THE INTERVIEW (cue ominous music). As they walk into the interview, he confesses to Becky that he embellished on the application “little bit,” which included claiming to be an ambassador.

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Evidently, this is how Jesse thinks an ambassador dresses.

Although, Becky goes along with the shenanigans at first. She comes clean pretty quickly in the interview and admits that her husband lied. The admissions person tells her that they figured that out when they read the portion of the applicant that referred to the boys as “proficient on the bassoon.” However they don’t care because: “it only shows you want whats best for your boys.” UGHHHH WTF I DISAGREE WITH THE PREMISE.

Anyway, Becky is yet again the voice of reason when she tells Jess (who is rigorously trying to cram some knowledge down the boys’ throats) that they’re not letting their kids “be kids” and he’s asking too much of them. Almost like you should let your children be guided by their natural abilities…hm…

“When they’re ready to go to preschool, we’ll find the right one and do everything we can to encourage,” she says. I guess this doesn’t apply to ASU. That must be an exception.

Now, let’s move on to “The Test.” In the opening of this episode Joey calls out Jesse for trying to reuse a stamp a.k.a. “trying to cheat the U.S. postal service.” WHAT ARE YOUR MORALS JOEY? Anyway, DJ is stressing because she has to take the SAT and she MUST do well so that she can go to Stanford.

When DJ says she is too stressed out to eat dinner, Danny coaches the family to tell DJ the whole SAT isn’t a huge deal and to not be so stressed. This doesn’t work and she has a stress dream in which Uncle Jesse steals an SAT answer booklet off of the proctor’s desk and proceeds to read the answers to her through a walkie-talkie hidden in a breakfast burrito.

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Joey overhears this and is very upset about the cheating. Once again, I would like to know what happened in Joey’s life between season six and season seven that caused him to go from cheating-instigator to cheating-police.

The next morning, DJ is so upset from her dream that she asks her dad, “Can you write me a note to get me out of college?” And her dad’s like no and apologizes for minimizing her stress, which actually only made her more stressed. And then he’s like just do your best cause he’s a normal dad and believes in his daughter.

I do believe I’m getting older though because this was the first time I watched an episode of Full House and realized that Bob Saget was kind of a DILF. So now I have to live with that knowledge.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say that standardized testing is some bullshit, patriarchal tool of the oligarchy and plenty of smart people are setup to fail on it. GOODBYE.

Full House: Our Very First Christmas Show

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First of all, Happy Festivus everyone! I was so busy airing my grievances that I’m just now able to take a break and get this post up. I’m also didn’t bring my laptop with me because I didn’t want to haul it around in my luggage, so I was similarly delayed both by having to borrow a computer and my inability to remember my WordPress password.

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Okay, okay, let’s do this. The Tanners are taking a trip to Colorado and Stephanie does NOT want to go on the trip because Santa Claus won’t know where to find them. The obvious answer here is that there’s a lot of other magic kids buy into with Santa, so why shouldn’t he be able to track them down wherever they are? I mean the whole Santa figure is surprisingly omniscient: “he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.” That’s creepy, creepy stuff, man. The whole myth is a major invasion of privacy and yet we’ve somehow romanticized it because we’re materialistic creatures who like to rip open shiny, glittering packages.

On the plane, they bump into Danny’s co-host and Jesse’s future wife: Rebecca Donaldson. Jesse immediately asks her out while they’re in Colorado, and she’s like “nah, I’m just changing planes in Denver.” Stephanie and DJ get upgraded to first class, where Rebecca is also sitting because I guess she got $$.

Back in coach, Michelle pets a man’s toupée because she mistakes it for a kitty cat. He makes her cry. This is an excuse for the guys to sing “The Girl From Ipanema.” However, a giant snowstorm (that I guess NOAA failed notice) forces them to make an emergency landing in a dinky little airport in the middle of nowhere. Steph freaks out because SANTA WON’T FIND THEM OMG.

DAVE COULIER;JOHN STAMOS;LORI LOUGHLIN;CANDACE CAMERON;BOB SAGET

So maybe now is a good time to be like, “Listen, honey. Christmas isn’t about presents. It’s about being stuck in an environment that you do not want to be in but you do it anyway because family.” Instead, they let her use the payphone to try to reach the North Pole.

But then we dive deeper into the realm of delusion because DJ (not knowing that the airline has lost the bag containing the gifts) decides to tell Stephanie that Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer has radar in his nose. So then Danny has to do a little damage control and say that the radar in Rudolph’s nose doesn’t always work, so Santa might take a few days to find them.

Meanwhile, Michelle keeps trying to pet that toupée. They really should take this kid to see an actual cat because she’s getting some pretty confused thoughts about what they look like.

Joey decides to dress up like Santa to talk to Stephanie and explain the present situation. (Because you know he just travels with a Santa Suit ugh this guy wtf.) This completely backfires when Michelle recognizes Joey, but Stephanie doesn’t. Feeling betrayed, she retreats back to the phone booth. (Twenty years later, I would love to be a fly on the wall of Stephanie Tanner’s therapy session.)

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Sick of the whining about presents, Jesse decides to rally the stranded travelers into singing carols and decorating a coat rack like a Christmas tree. Stephanie does not participate because she’s still chilling in the phone booth.

Jesse and Becky kiss under the mistletoe (that just happens to be hanging over an airport coffee vending machine), setting in motion the wheels of their future romance. (Do you think she’d do it all again if she knew that she’d have to move in with his brother-in-law’s family and live in an attic with her babies?)

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Then the REAL Santa shows up. He makes the presents reappear and leaves them a note on an ancient laptop.

Stephanie tells everyone she saw Santa flying away outside and they’re like “huh?” but decide to go open the presents rather than INVESTIGATING FURTHER! Then Stephanie sees a personalized note that no one else sees. (Man, now I really want to be a fly on the wall at her therapy sessions.)

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Very Special Lesson: Everyone on this show is telling me that airport Christmas is the best Christmas ever, but I’m suspicious.

 

Full House: Baby Love

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Okay, I’m cheating a little bit here because this is not *technically* a Halloween episode. But the subject matter is very appropriate, so I’m including it.

This episode is from the middle of the show’s second season and features a cold open with three Shar Pei puppies that the Gibblers are selling. This was obviously a blatant grab for ratings. Look, cute kids and puppies!

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Danny and Becky are in the early-stage of dating, which means they’re being obnoxiously cute in a way that must be delightful to the couple and nauseating for everyone around them. He announces to Joey and Michelle that they MUST watch Wake Up San Francisco because Becky will wink once if she agrees to go out with him that night and wink twice if they do not. Gross. She signals that they have a date OF COURSE.

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For some reason, Becky has her two year old nephew on the show as well. It seems like his sole purpose there is just to wave to Grandma and be cute. Michelle has a little crush on him and the whole family makes a big deal about him being her “very first boyfriend” which is so gross and annoying. They have their whole lives to deal with the perils of dating and even worse, the perils of your family knowing who you are dating and making a big effing deal about it, so why can’t they just be two year-olds for the love of God??

But now here’s the Halloween spooky stuff. DJ and Kimmy plan to watch “The Wolf Man” and Stephanie wants to watch too. Jesse says it’s fine, but Becky says she’s too young. So she says, “Jesse, are you telling me you’d let your kids watch anything they want?” And he’s all like yeah as long as they can tell the difference between fantasy and reality. This leads to a conversation about baby names.

Man, these people move fast.

In the middle of the night, Stephanie wakes up and is totally freaking about about “The Wolf Man.” DJ gets up to get her a glass of milk, leaving Stephanie all alone and freaked out by George Michael’s facial hair.

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But as it turns out, DJ is pretty freaked out herself. All of screaming ensues, waking up all of the Dads.

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Jesse and Joey make it better by pretending that Jesse is the Wolf Man and they are his nagging parents, who make atrocious jokes.

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All better right, Steph? All you have to do is make scary things funny! The end!

Very Special Halloween Lesson: Just laugh at all of your fears? Overwhelming fear of dogs? HAHAHAH, so funny!!!! Afraid of dying? LOL! See it works!!!

Fun Fact: Howie was played by twin girls.

Full House: Our Very First Telethon

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Today’s charitable contributions will go to Girl Scouts in NYC Shelters. You can follow the link here to donate, and check out this link to donate. And check out this article from the New York Times about Troop 600, the first troop formed in a shelter.

All of the Tanners are volunteering at “We Love Our Children Telethon 90.” Their goal is to raise 1 million dollars to purchase new equipment for the children’s health center. And they only have 24 hours to do it!

Sadly, the children will have to rely on donations from viewers regaled by the comedic stylings of Joey Gladstone. (Thankfully, the woodchuck does not appear.) He also performs a little magic (illusions) with Rebecca. It is pretty bad, but at least it cut short his stand-up routine. But then he botches the routine, leaving Rebecca to sing a duet with Danny while stuck in the Zig Zag Illusion box.

We get a quick montage of other acts to demonstrate that not every single performance is brought to you by people who live in the same house. The montage also shows the Tanner girls going home to get some rest (just in case you felt like there might be any child labor law violations afoot). Then it’s back to the Tanners. Danny falls asleep in the middle of hosting, so Michelle takes over and sings a very adorable version of the “Itsy Bitsy Spider,” joined by Jesse and the Rippers.

Rebecca has gone home for a nap and Danny has passed out on stage (pretty weak hosting), so Michelle starts to sing the alphabet to fill time. What are we to do??

Thankfully, Stephanie Tanner volunteers to perform her “Love Shack” dance, which some of you may remember from its “Hotline Bling” revival. But here is the original:

Then DJ sings “Lollipops and Gummy Bears” to Michelle, a performance that Candace Cameron Bure reportedly hated. But honesty, it’s cute and she sings better than she thinks she does. I feel like this must have been planned though right? Am I supposed to believe DJ Tanner had this song choreographed and ready to go and just so happened to be available to fill in when her dad fell asleep? That’s far-fetched even by Full House standards. I mean, she’s no Stephanie. Come on.

My personal favorite part is when Kimmy Gibbler’s mom calls and pledges $200 if they let Kimmy ride her unicycle.screen-shot-2011-07-05-at-8-41-00-pm

Still, there’s very little time left in the telethon and the Tanners haven’t met their goal. But don’t worry, Mike Love heard that they may need a little help with their telethon and he decided to stop by to sing “Be True to Your School.”

I would really love to know why this episode exists in the Full House cannon. Was it a slow day in the writers room or was the cast itching to put on a talent show? If you have the answer, let me know in the comments.

P.S. I didn’t link to Joey’s awful rendition of Aerosmith’s “Janie’s Got a Gun.” You’re welcome.

BREAKING NEWS: The Return of Girl Talk!

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First of all, this isn’t actually breaking news to anyone who has been following Fuller House. But as you well know, I got burned badly by the first season and I’ve been bitterly avoiding the reboot ever since.

But curiosity got the best of me and I decided to watch the trailer for the second season. I rolled my eyes A LOT. Even more than usual.

The schmaltz factor is high: The New Radicals’s “You Get What You Give” plays over a montage of “feel-good” moments highlighting the show’s “exciting” new season while harkening back to its nostalgic roots–even though Full House was several season over by the time the trailer’s featured song charted, but I digress.

There it was roughly 1 minute 43 seconds and 6.5 eye-rolls in, shining like a beacon of hope to my one major and well-documented request for this reboot: Girl Talk. It looks like we’ll be hearing “The Sign” again soon, Very Special Readers. Maybe they’ll even finish the song this time.

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It looks like DJ has joined the group as drummer with Kimmy and Steph as the only original band members. While I’m sad that it doesn’t look like Gia will be reprising her role, I guess they had to let Kimmy’s kid have something to do on the show.

I do NOT want to get my hopes up…but I’m kind of looking forward to this episode…

Full House: Stephanie’s Wild Ride

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Whoops, due to the fact that I accidentally scheduled this post for March 31st (which is in the past) some of you may have already read this…but for those of you that haven’t:

I’m so glad the Phoenicians made F the sixth letter of their alphabet. The first 5 posts in this challenge have been rough, but now I feel like I’m amongst old friends. That’s right, today’s show is the tried and true very special show, Full House. In this episode, Stephanie and her bff/resident bad girl, Gia, are at the mall picking up some older guys.

screen-shot-2013-10-01-at-1-54-45-amThey pretend to be sophomores in high school even though they are thirteen. But when DJ and Kimmy Gibbler show up, they recognize the boys from their school as total sleazeballs who drilled a hole in the girls’ locker room. But for some reason, even with the knowledge that these two dudes are juvenile sexual predators, DJ and Kimmy go along with Stephanie and Gia pretending to be three years older than they are.

The two guys offer Gia and Steph a ride home. At first Stephanie is all like unsure about riding in a care with strangers (so prudent) but the Gia tells her that they’ve been talking for three minutes and therefore are not strangers (blargh) so Steph goes along.

These guys apparently have a death wish, so they drive their convertible at like 100 mph on sharp turns. And when that’s not thrilling enough, they decide to drive on the wrong side of the road, just to make things extra “fun.”

bef2d06a99b0a19ce499020786c2b32bWhen Steph gets home and tells DJ about her wild wide, DJ is livid. Gia and the guys try to get Steph to joy ride with them again after dinner, but DJ threatens to tell their dad if Stephanie goes with them. I think it’s important to point out that the very next episode is “Under the Influence,” in which we learn that the girls’ mom was killed by a drunk driver. So it’s really not surprising that DJ is adamant about road safety. Also, I feel really bad for her knowing now that she had to deal with a dumb sister in this episode and then a dumb best friend in the very next episode. But her best friend is Kimmy so I guess she deals with a dumb best friend a lot.

That night, Danny tells Stephanie that Gia has been in a car accident. She’s okay (this is Full House after all) but has to spend the night in the hospital. Stephanie realizes she could just as easily have been injured in that car if not for DJ. But DJ wasn’t always so responsible. It turns out that when DJ was 13 she and Kimmy stayed out all night on Halloween and even hitchhiked to Berkley. Yikes, so maybe that’s why they never had a true Halloween episode.

Very Special Lesson: Riding in cars with boys is dangerous. Didn’t you see that movie with Drew Barrymore?

Full House: Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen

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It’s another Christmas Eve at the Tanner house. And this year Michelle has gotten the perfect gift for Danny: a party tie with built in cup holder! But when she see’s that Aunt Becky has bought the same tie for Joey as a “gag gift” and Danny thinks it’s awful, she’s totally crushed. I mean this is the stuff of early-childhood emotional scarring.

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So let me just say here, in defense of the party tie: I for one would love to have a hands-free cup holder at just about every function or event on the planet. If you’re holing a drink, you’re still forced to make idle chit-chat. But if you have a hands-free cup holder, then you can stuff your face with snacks and not have to talk to people that you don’t want to hang out with. Then when you get super thirsty from all of the snacks, you’re drink is right there in front of you! But I do have to say that this tie looks a little heavy and may create a choking hazard. So like…use at your own risk.

mr2Uncle Jesse catches Michelle trying to burn her gift in the fireplace. Oh my gosh, danger on the Full House set! But she guilts him in to taking her to the store to buy a replacement gift, so she perks up pretty quickly. But Mickey Rooney owns the store that she bought the gift from and he gives her a hard time about not having her receipt.

When he won’t let her exchange the gift, even though he recognizes her from when she made the purchase earlier, Jesse decides to conduct an “even exchange” of his own. He puts the ugly tie on the counter and takes an item of equal value. But Mickey Rooney locks them in the store and calls the cops.

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But the police aren’t really coming. He’s just a lonely old man and he’s sad on Christmas. Then Jesse decides to tell him how important family is, which is obviously the most dickish thing on the planet he could do right now. But luckily, Michelle is there to help manage the situation. She invites their would-be kidnapper over to their house for dinner. That’s really nice, but then again this dude held them against there will not twenty minutes ago and is obviously a little unbalanced.

hqdefault5Then Jesse forces Mickey Rooney to call his family because he’s a meddler. He’s just lucky that this doesn’t backfire horribly.

Oh and then cool, new gift that Michelle bought Danny? An electric toothbrush that plays “Deck the Halls.”

Well, actually. I kind of want that now.

Very Special Lesson: When it comes to gift giving, it’s the thought that counts but not really.