Good Evening Very Special Readers! And a very merry Christmas Eve to you as well!

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all the Tanners could do was be demanding. Becky demanded a midwestern blizzard in San Francisco. Danny demanded Stephanie and Michelle stop trying to open all of the presents, including his gift for long-distance girlfriend, who had to cover local Swedish news? Stephanie and Michelle (as previously mentioned) demanded all of the presents in the world ever. But perhaps worst of all, DJ demanded that Steve give up his dream of going to college because it would mean that he had to move to Florida.

Jesse set out to teach the little girls the real meaning of Christmas, while also trying to fix his wife’s broken prairie Christmas dreams. Danny helped DJ deal with her broken heart. Joey did nothing but make stupid jokes.

Kimmy Gibbler also tried to help her dear friend DJ get over an awful break up by inviting the entire wrestling team to the Tanner’s family party. They all lined up to kiss her in front of her three male parental figures, but DJ loved Steve too much to go through with it. So Danny helped her realize that she was being a jerk, and that he and Vicky find a way to make things work even though she has to be a Swedish news anchor.  

Lucky for DJ, Steve is such a forgiving boyfriend that he snuck into her family gathering as Santa when she wouldn’t take his calls. This was not at all a weird thing. It was also not weird that everyone mistook Steve for Joey even though Steve is a 17 year old boy and Joey is a thirty-five year old man with no real career or family. Alas, that is the power of a Santa Suit.

Vicky also showed up in a Santa suit because that is how you mend broken relationships in the Tanner household.

So how did Jesse teach Stephanie and Michelle the true meaning of Christmas? He let them talk about presents all day and then took them to a homeless shelter on Christmas just to show them what selfish little brats they were because guilt is the best way to nurture compassion.

And Becky finally got her white Christmas because Jesse filled the backyard with one of those snow machines that a ski resort uses. And it didn’t melt. Not even a little bit. It was a Christmas Miracle.

Very Special Lesson: I hear the ladies really like the Santa suits.