One of Jessica’s books is being made into a movie, so she gets to hang out on the Universal lot. The screenwriter is trying to change some essential parts of the book. For example, he wants to make a different character the killer in the movie because “who is going to pay $5 to go see the movie? They already know the ending!”

Then we see Dr. Klopek from The Burbs sneaking onto the studio lot by jumping into the back of an open truck filled with plants. And then Jessica gets a tour of the studio lot, specifically visiting The Bates Motel from Psycho. Why yes, this is the most random episode ever.

Jessica meets up with her director at a restaurant and the creepy guy from The Burbs is spying on them. Then Jessica decides to look around The Bates Motel and finds the director’s dead body there. She claims to have seen someone through one of the windows and that this person probably “slipped out” after she entered the house.

Anyway, Jessica accuses some guy of being the last person to see the dead guy alive. And he points out that Jessica saw him at the exactly same time, so they were both the last to see him alive. YEP, she’s suspicious folks. That’s what I’ve been trying to say this entire time!

Suddenly, the creepy guy from The Burbs appears again. He’s at the production office this time and wants to see the lead actress in Jessica’s movie, but she’s not there…so he just leaves again. Meanwhile, Jessica rushes back to her hotel to see if her crime has made the news. She’s disappointed to find out that she didn’t make it in time, so she decides to cheer herself up by watching Psycho.

But that insufferable screenwriter interrupts her. And he also tells her some juicy dirt on the lead actress. So she goes to interrogate the lead actress over at the production office. When Jessica steps out to take a call, the creepy guy from The Burbs pops out of nowhere and pulls a gun on the lead actress. It’s obvious that he’s one of those stalker-types.

Jessica comes back from the phone and saves her buy pushing one of those rolling chairs into the back of the creep’s knees. Also, it turns out that the guy was just a prop gun from the lead actress’s first movie. He also admits to having seen Jessica over by The Bates House. He’s even spent the night in it, kind of making it his studio lodging during his stalking spree.

Then he says that the house talked to him. So like he’s really not a credible witness, which sucks because he’s probably the only eye witness to Jessica Fletcher’s murderous ways. In order to “solve the case,” Jessica returns to The Bates Motel.

She starts up the stairs and I think we’re supposed to be worried that Norman Bates is going to jump out and stab her. But I’m not concerned She’s the only killer in this show. She heads over to the room where Janet Leigh was murdered and turns on the water in the shower because that’s normal and all.

This dude named Willie comes up behind her. (He was the other last person to see the dead guy alive.) She accuses him of murdering the dead guy because he didn’t sign a new contract with him. This is based upon some blue papers and a glum look on Willie’s face when she saw them at the restaurant. She then shows him the blue papers (where did she get those??) and claims she can tell that the signature is a forgery.

He admits to the forgery and claims he’s sill innocent of murder. She then presents her “damning” evidence. He slipped in the dead guy’s blood on the way out of the house and had to wash it off in the motel bathroom. She’s confident that they’ll find his fingerprints everywhere.

Uh, where Jessica? In the shower that you just turned on? On the set in which you literally manhandled everything? Also, why is there still a source of water turned on for the Psycho shower?? So then Willie is like wahhh okay it was an accident. He hurt my feelingssss. And Jessica is all like yes, yes you’re horrible. 

But here’s what really happened: Jessica obviously killed that guy. She was frustrated with the way that Hollywood was destroying her book. And we all know that our favorite little psycho likes to get her kicks by killing people and then solving their murders. The only question was who would be her victim. The obvious choice was that annoying screenwriter, but no, it would have been too obvious. So she waited for the prime opportunity–a business dispute between two long-time partners. She chose Willie to pin it on because he was the more emotional and bumbling one of the pair. She knew he’d get ticked off and probably try to knock the director out cold, which he did. But he didn’t kill him. No, Jessica kept stalking the Psycho house because it was the perfect crime scene. Plenty of places to spy and keep an eye on things. When Willie fled, she seized the moment to finish the director off and frame Willie. Then she proceeded to make it really obvious that she wanted to tour the house and then investigate it. She smeared her fingerprints everywhere, all under the guise of “investigation” thus destroying the integrity of any evidence. Only the lead actress’s stalker could have exposed her plot, but he was a total nut so no one would believe him anyway. J.B. Fletcher gets away with it again. But by this point it’s been eight years of this crap and no one is asking any questions.

Also, what’s going on here? Pretty sure I need to review this one next: