Mama’s Family: Zirconias are a Girl’s Best Friend

I’m not sure how this popular sketch from The Carol Burnett Show became a fairly long running sitcom, but then again I’m not sure how Vicki Lawrence had a #1 song either, so I guess she was leading the charmed life in the 70’s/80’s.

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Anyway, I’d like to talk about a very serious issue that we haven’t yet covered here: shopaholicism.

As a person living in the digital age, I find myself suffering from this frequently. But for some people, it’s a debilitating disorder. And even before we had the internet in our homes, people suffered from it via THE TELEVISION.

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Shopping is a slippery slope. First, you’re just buying some fake diamond earrings that remind you of the ones your mother used to wear. Then you’re using your credit card that’s “only for emergencies” to buy some miniature fans in bulk. Then you’re buying “a portrait of Elvis that lights up.” (But actually that one sounds cool. I want that one. Someone link me to one in the comments!!!)

Then you’re skipping church meetings to watch the 3 O’Clock Bargain Bonanza! Money is the root of all evil, lest we forget.

After about three weeks of this nonsense, Mama’s family intervenes (probably because she’s spending a lot of money and they all seem to be moochers) with aversion therapy. This consists of hitting her with rolled up newspapers–as you might do if you’re really bad at training your dog and also kind of an a-hole–every time she tries to order something over the phone. And for the price of only four people hitting her with newspapers in three easy-installments, Mama is cured for good! Wow!

Very Special Lesson: tbh I learned nothing from this and am heading to Amazon right now. I have to find that picture of Elvis!

2 thoughts on “Mama’s Family: Zirconias are a Girl’s Best Friend

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