If you haven’t see the 1989 classic Teen Witch then you need to get on that stat. If you have a Netflix membership and aren’t spending your next free 93 minutes watching this ridiculousness, then you are seriously depriving yourself.
Actually, I’m fairly certain watching this movie will be good for your mental health. So there you go. The Doctor is in and she says watch tune in, turn on (the love interest is hot), and geek out (you’re not gonna feel cool at all while watching this but that’s a good thing).
For those of you without cable television or a penchant for sappy rom-coms with a mediocre 80’s budget, Teen Witch is the heartwarming tale of mousey Louise who discovers she’s a witch on her sixteenth birthday. Louise (played by that girl from Karate Kid Part III, also known as Blake Lively’s much older sister, Robin Lively) uses her new found powers to become super cool and date the hottest guy in school. There’s also a lot of musical numbers. Like this really random one:
You see, Louise lives in a world that is both enchanting and awful. Everyone spontaneously breaks out into perfectly choreographed happy dances. But no one shows up to her sixteenth birthday except for her friend Polly. Like literally everyone else was SUCH an asshole that not even one person attended out of guilt.
This surreal universe also seems to create a world of bizarre yet celebrated fashion choices. But you don’t have to take my word for it!
And in the end, Louise decides to give up her magical powers because that’s the only way she can know for sure that people like her for who she truly is–even though most people treated her like shit. Being yourself even if you’re treated like shit is just about as very special as it get.
about on this blog. In light of how I’ve dedicated the shortest month of the year to the 70’s, this week’s very special movie of the month is the most very special movie of them all, Go Ask Alice. Based upon the “anonymously” written (by Beatrice Sparks) “non-fiction” book of the same name, this pack of lies tells you all about the freaky-deaky world of drug addiction.
“White Rabbit” is playing, so things should start to get good soon. Eventually, Alice makes friends with Beth. Beth is a super nerd, but it’s okay because she’s smart. It’s not okay that Alice is a super nerd because Alice is not smart. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard because being a super nerd is awesome. Then Beth goes away to summer camp and Alice is lonely and bored.
Alice meets a cool girl from school at a clothing store and the cool girl invites her to a party. Here we go! This is not a drill, people! They play a game called “button, button.” This game is really just that everyone but one dude gets soda with acid in it. Everyone knows the game but Alice, so she’s super naive and doesn’t know she’s tripping until the cute boy next to her explains everything. At this point, she’s become a drug addict. Obviously.
pregnancy scare.” Additionally, she is now anorexic. That’s another bi-product of acid addiction. But being an addict, really improves Alice’s fashion sense.
When one of their friends gets arrested, Alice and the cool girl (what’s her name?) take over as drug pushers at the junior high. And now it’s time to try Speed! Additionally, Alice’s boyfriend is only into her when he is high, which is a major bummer. Then Alice really compromises her morals by selling drugs to a twelve year old who is pushing them into grade school.
The moral of this story is that you should always listen to Andy Griffith. Anyway, Alice gets home and everyone seriously tries to get Alice to do/sell drugs again. Someone even passes her pills while handing back a graded paper. Beth won’t invite her to her party because of her “reputation.” The girl can’t win!
Things break down into a weird altercation, in which Alice is babysitting an infant because the original sitter did not show up. Then the original sitter rushes in from a rainstorm, high out of her mind. She freaks out and attacks Alice for stealing her job. Alice calls the girl’s mother because she’s about to straight up murder her, and the next day at school all of the drug addicts harass her. Then the crazy girl from the night before (who is at school right now??) tells her that she’s going to trick Alice’s little bro into doing drugs by giving him “candy.”
Anyway, things do end up pretty good for Alice. She goes to rehab, rekindles her friendship with Beth, and dates a really nice college boy. And then she dies. Of an overdose. And no one knows if it was murder or not.
You know what, I don’t even have to watch the movie to do this. And I’m sorry to pull out the old list post gag but I can’t help it. I want to run around screaming Badfinger’s “No Matter What” or even better yet Tony Orlando & Dawn’s “Knock Three Times” at the top of my lungs. And whilst “quiet hours” don’t begin until 10 pm in my apartment building (yeah there are some things I miss about New York) I do not believe that my new neighbors will appreciate this impromptu sing-a-long. Or maybe they will. Maybe I should try this and find out if they are the best people ever or not.
and watering the flower” naïve, but I mean I pretty much like wanted to follow the rules and wear pigtails for as long as possible. But the best of this movie is that no matter which girl-archetype(s) you were, you could pretty much trust that you would find your way in life. All of these girls are awesome and they made every little girl who could identify with their characteristics feel awesome too.
Friendship breakups are the worst thing ever in the history of the world. I would so much rather date a guy and have him completely step all over my heart than to have a friend breakup ever again. I say this with completely confidence because (having undergone both situations) the friends are the ones I miss a decade later. I have a very “Goonies Never Say Die” attitude in this regard and you pretty much have to become a total asshole or nutcase for me to want to stop being your friend. The adult part of Now & Then is all about how these women haven’t talked to each other (for the most part) in years. And yet Rita Wilson finds herself impregnated and all of these women just “news team assemble” to help her out. If I could resolve all friendship breakups in this manner, you better believe I would in a heartbeat. Well, except the pregnant part. Even friendships aren’t that important. 
I know I’ve already done a very special movie this month, but The ‘Burbs is on Netflix and I just love it. If you haven’t seen this movie then go check it out now. Tom Hanks plays a burnt-out suburbanite staycationer whose neighbor manages to convince him that the new family on the cul-de-sac are murderers. Much to the chagrin of Tom’s wife (in this case, Carrie Fisher) he and a few of the guys from the neighborhood (Bruce Dern and Rick Ducommun) decide to conduct their own guerrilla-style investigation of the new family and their creepy basement.
In the last twenty-minutes of the movie we get a creep shot of Billy getting on his motorcycle at the cabin in the woods. Now he is the one being stalked. But who is his stalker? It appears to be Laurel attempting to retrieve the rest of her things. Why, Laurel?? She leaves the house only to find him sitting on her car. You cannot out stalk this guy. You just can’t!
Isolated in her mother’s cabin, Laurel must once again try to escape. Billy chases her with an ax. When her mom shows up, he roundhouse kicks her in the face. Laurel attempts to escape in a rowboat. This is not the most effective means of escape. She probably should just swim for it–like Billy who capsizes her rowboat from beneath the water. Then he attempts to murder them both on the dock with the ax. There’s less than 2 minutes left in the movie now. 
or, who had a crush on Haley from the beginning, starts to feel like his personality is more compatible with Alexia (who is actually Hayley!). That night, Haley wishes on a star to become herself again, but the next morning she wakes up and she is still Alexia. She thinks that they will be trapped forever as each other, but the real reason that they did not switch back is that Alexia also made the wish. But you already know that because I told you that in second paragraph. Anyway, they tearfully admit to one another finally about how they hated themselves and wanted to be one another. They hurry outside to find a shooting star, which of course they do because this town is FULL of shooting stars. They switch back and are all the better for having not been themselves for a while.
Very Special Lesson: Condoms.
The Very Special Blog 