’90’s

Saved by the Bell: Pipe Dreams

~ theveryspecialblog ~ 4 Comments

At first I thought this would be the episode about marijuana but no that one is called “No Hope with Dope” and it is for another day. In this episode, we meet Becky, the duck.

Becky the duck is very important because she’s going to teach us about the environment. Becky lives in the pond behind the football field at Bayside High School.

One day, Zack hit Becky with a baseball and decided to nurse her back to health out of guilt and his general good-nature.

One special day, the construction workers installing a new goalpost on the Bayside football field struck oil. Black Gold. Texas Tea. According to California State Education Laws, the public school of Bayside gets to keep all of the oil money.

Meanwhile, Becky has begun to feel better and can return to her home habitat!

But on the very day that Becky returns home, the oil rig behind the Bayside football field spills into the pond.

Becky died that day.

But Zack and all of his friends learned a very valuable lesson, and vowed to keep the oil people from ruining their high school.

Very Special Lesson: Parents don’t care when the school board votes to have their children attend class alongside oil derricks.

Melody from Hey Dude is Matilda from Zoolander

~ theveryspecialblog ~ 4 Comments

And I don’t mean she’s the same actress. Well, I know she’s the same actress.

But I’m pretty sure that Melody from Hey Dude grew up and changed her name to Matilda before becoming an investigative reporter in Zoolander. You see, I discovered all of this in a very telling scene from the “Miss Tucson” episode of Hey Dude.  This is the first time in which Melody/Matilda reveals that she was an overweight child who idolized the pretty beauty queen type.

Clearly, she trusts her dude ranch friend, Brad, enough to share this tragic past. But it’s not until she meets the love of her life, Derek Zoolander, that she reveals her history of Bulimia.

Poor Melody/Matilda! She deserves better. Hopefully, we will find out that everything worked out great for her when Zoolander 2 finally comes out. 

Clarissa Doesn’t Explain It All

~ theveryspecialblog ~ Leave a comment

It’s spreading like the plague that will inevitably cause the Zombie Apocalypse. Clarissa Explains It All will be rebooted as a novel, in which Clarissa does not have all of the answers.

I can’t handle Clarissa having a quarter-life crisis. It sounds like she’s having a quarter-life crisis from the book description. :/

The fun of Clarissa Explains It All is that you really do think you have everything figured out when you’re fourteen. And maybe at fourteen, in your small pocket of the world, for like two-seconds, you do have it all figured out. I mean who is going to barge into your room and tell you that your assessment of school newspaper politics isn’t the most important thing in the world? You’re cool neighbor Sam? Yeah, right. He’s too chill to start an argument.

Clarissa, can you please explain the cultural zeitgeist that is happening right now?? What will I tell my children when we watch reruns together? My parents got to say things like “This is M*A*S*H. You don’t even understand how good this is.” And I would laugh along like I did understand, but I didn’t. I was pretending until I was old enough to actually get it.

But I will have to tell my children, “This is a continuation of a series that began thirty years earlier and you need to see twelve seasons prior to this one before understanding what’s going on here.” Or worse. I will Little Rascals-them about everything. Of course, I am referring to how my parents shamed my love of The Little Rascals movie because it wasn’t the “real” Little Rascals/Our Gang/I totally get what they were saying now and I’m going to be just as obnoxious to my children.

I’m probably going to pre-order this Clarissa book though. Let’s be real.

Home Improvement: The Longest Day

~ theveryspecialblog ~ 5 Comments

This episode scares the crap out of me because JTT has to get a cancer test after his mom tells the doctor that he’s been so sleepy. And the doctor felt swelling in JTT’s neck!

I’m chronically tired and sometimes I have a lump on my neck. But I’m a 25 year-old workaholic, hypochondriac with bad allergies, so I guess we’re not in the same boat.

Anyway, Jill keeps the cancer scare from JTT because she doesn’t want to scare him until they know what they’re dealing with. But they can’t keep it from him. They’re too busy spoiling him and he notices something is up.

And it’s moments like this that remind you that JTT isn’t just charming and skating by on his good looks. He’s actually a talented actor. COME BACK TO US JTT! I’m sure there’s a place for you in one of the 75 reboots currently in the works.

Jill and next-door neighbor Wilson have a really great heart to heart about how quickly things can change in an instant. It’s not sappy at all and is genuinely moving, which means it creeps my emotions out too much to actual comment on it at this point.

Meanwhile, JTT has gone missing. Jill’s still awaiting the phone call from the doctor, while Tim goes out looking for him. He’s at the arcade. That’s probably where I would be too.

He’s pissed that his parents didn’t tell him immediately that he might have cancer. I’d probably be pissed too. It’s awful to discover that while researching it alone at the school library. (Ugh, bad parenting moment, Tim and Jill.) And then they all come together as a family, lovingly and rationally calming their child’s fears.

Okay, the pot episode was stupid. But Home Improvement may have just won The Very Special Episode with the story of how JTT got cancer.

Oh wait. But you didn’t actually think he’d get cancer did you? This is a sitcom, and that’s way too sad of a fate for our favorite 90’s idol. He’s fine! He has hypothyroidism. The end!

Very Special Lesson: Be sure to keep important facts about your children’s health out of their knowledge. That way, when they notice they feel crappy and have been to the doctor for a lot of tests, they can fear the worst without the benefit of your health and guidance.

That Time I Tried to Be Open-Minded

~ theveryspecialblog ~ 5 Comments

I just got home from work. And as I unlocked my door, I said to myself: “I should blog about the one thing that could possible make me change all of my opinions on Girl Meets World.”

You see, yesterday I learned that they would finally provide some closure to the Mr. Turner story. This is all I have ever wanted from Girl Meets World. It’s the primary reason I was interested in a reboot. It’s the only thing that could make me rethink my scathing reviews of it. And so I was going to sit here and say, “Hey! Reboots just might be okay!”

WORST CLIFF HANGER EVER!!

But then I learned that some idiot is remaking She’s All That and I immediately decided that I am still pissed about reboots.

I’ve never even seen the original She’s All That. I remember it being heavily parodied in Not Another Teen Movie, and my bff in middle school was pretty obsessed with the movie. But really, I never wanted to see the movie. And I’m okay with that. I’m not okay with the 21st Century appropriating my childhood every time I turn around!

Why do we need all of these reboots? Why can’t we all just watch reruns and blog about them??

Very Special Movie: Now and Then

~ theveryspecialblog ~ 10 Comments

I have wanted to post about the most EPIC movie for girl children for a while now, but frankly I couldn’t take the emotions. This movie makes me long for middle school and also 1970. I never experienced 1970, but this movie encouraged me to cuff the ends of my Bermuda shorts and try orange Nehi soda for the first time. (I had previously been exclusively a Stewart’s Grape Soda girl.) I AM HONESTLY JUST TOO EXCITED TO WRITE THIS POST AND I HAVEN’T EVEN PRESSED PLAY ON THE MOVIE YET OMG.

You know what, I don’t even have to watch the movie to do this. And I’m sorry to pull out the old list post gag but I can’t help it. I want to run around screaming Badfinger’s “No Matter What” or even better yet Tony Orlando & Dawn’s “Knock Three Times” at the top of my lungs. And whilst “quiet hours” don’t begin until 10 pm in my apartment building (yeah there are some things I miss about New York) I do not believe that my new neighbors will appreciate this impromptu sing-a-long. Or maybe they will. Maybe I should try this and find out if they are the best people ever or not.

7 Entirely Personal Reasons that I Freaking LOVE this movie (and maybe if you agree with these reasons then they are not entirely personal and you can totally be my BFF and we’ll trade friendship beads but OMG do NOT go down into the storm drain to retrieve them. Or maybe do because then we can become BFF’s with a misunderstood old man.)

  1. This movie perfectly captures that feeling of total protection and security and absolute freedom that you somehow trick yourself into thinking you have as a twelve year-old. I get that it was a “safer” time and parents let their kids roam around a little bit more. But the kids in this movie are also never totally without a friendly adult. Like you could always go to your Grandma Cloris Leachmen in the even of an emergency even though you totally think that you are perfectly capable of solving a paranormal mystery on your own. I liken this to how I felt that I owned the mall in middle school and could totally get my haircut at Fantastic Sam’s without informing any adult because *what were they gonna do about it* even though my friend’s dad was always sitting dutifully at the food court in the event of an attempted kidnapping or knife fight.
  2. I wanted to be cool like Roberta, had no boobs for (what felt like) forever like Teeny, had parents with a rocky marriage like Samantha, and (though I would never want to admit it) was naive like Chrissy. I mean, not “planting the seed and watering the flower” naïve, but I mean I pretty much like wanted to follow the rules and wear pigtails for as long as possible. But the best of this movie is that no matter which girl-archetype(s) you were, you could pretty much trust that you would find your way in life. All of these girls are awesome and they made every little girl who could identify with their characteristics feel awesome too.
  3. I had the worst-best-friend ever in elementary school. Looking back on it she actually wasn’t my friend at all and was probably at best my frenemy until she turned out to be a straight up bully and excommunicated me from our group. 2406.original-4196However, before I became an eleven year-old social outcast, I hosted two epic weekend adventures of bike-riding and assigning everyone characters. I had the opportunity to be both Roberta (my original favorite upon my first viewing) and Teeny (I wanted the excuse to stuff my shirt with paper towels because I didn’t have any balloons or pudding. Or a bra for that matter). I saw on Facebook a couple of years ago that one of these girls (a rather nice one who managed to still kind of hang out with me for a whole year post-excommunication) hosted a similar weekend Now & Then bike-riding event, so I’m proud that my legacy lives on. I know I’m not the only 90’s girl who thought of this idea, but I was the original to do so in that specific friend group and it feels like some kind of weird justice of awesomeness.
  4. Is it weird to ‘ship a couple of child stars from 20 years ago…or like is there an exemption if you’ve been ‘shipping them for that entire 20 year period? OMG YOU GUYS THIS MOVIE IS 20 YEARS OLD. I’m not okay with that, wow. Anyway, I’m pretty much convinced that Devon Sawa and Christina Ricci are basically soulmates. The kiss and Casper+ the kiss in Now & Then pretty much set the bar for all of my kissing expectations in life. And yes, I know that’s an incredibly 90’s baseline. I’m a product of pop culture. Clearly.
  5. This soundtrack! (If anyone would like to have a side conversation about how “I Want You Back”has the best baseline ever. Or is in my opinion THE best song ever, then please feel free to reach out in the comments section.)
  6. Friendship breakups are the worst thing ever in the history of the world. I would so much rather date a guy and have him completely step all over my heart than to have a friend breakup ever again. I say this with completely confidence because (having undergone both situations) the friends are the ones I miss a decade later. I have a very “Goonies Never Say Die” attitude in this regard and you pretty much have to become a total asshole or nutcase for me to want to stop being your friend. The adult part of Now & Then is all about how these women haven’t talked to each other (for the most part) in years. And yet Rita Wilson finds herself impregnated and all of these women just “news team assemble” to help her out. If I could resolve all friendship breakups in this manner, you better believe I would in a heartbeat. Well, except the pregnant part. Even friendships aren’t that important. 
  7. ADVENTURES! Don’t you guys just wish we could ride our bikes around all day and solve that eerie cold case that shook our small Indiana town to it’s Heart of America core? And in the meantime we could talk to a drifter with some spare cigs, come to terms with our family traumas, engage in a feud with the boys down the street, start a brawl on the baseball field in the name of women’s rights, and have Janeane Garofalo tell us our fortunes when she isn’t busy serving us Coca-Cola.

Saved by the Bell: Driver’s Education

~ theveryspecialblog ~ 6 Comments

This is an episode that feels particularly close to home for me because I haven’t had to do much driving living in New York. Today the Bayside kids start Driver’s Ed.

This episode starts off with Zack giving Kelly a ring and Kelly telling Zack that she isn’t ready to go steady. Now, I was a little young for dating when Saved by the Bell was on, but this doesn’t feel very 90’s to me. Did teenagers talk about going steady in the early 90’s?

Anyway, let’s get back to driving. A.C. Slater is the only kid who knows how to drive safely. Everyone else thinks it’s appropriate to dry your nails out of the window (Lisa) or put one arm around Kelly (Zack), but Slater knows that the proper way to hold the wheel is the 10 & 2 position. Slater is also the only one who is financially responsible enough to save for and purchase a car. Basically, Slater is a 25 year-old amongst 15 year-olds in this situation. And yes, I’m saying this mostly because of his fashion choices.

Screen Shot 2015-01-21 at 9.29.13 AMAnyway, Zack gets super jealous because he’s worried that Kelly will be more interested in Slater than she is in Zack. She says she isn’t ready to go stead and she considers the ring to be a friendship ring, so the next logically thought is that she is totally shallow and only interested in boys with cars, duh. Thus, he begins to concoct a plan to get the Driver’s Ed. teacher to fail Slater. Solid friendship, guys!

Now, I don’t know about you, but my Driver’s Ed car was a clunky old sedan. The kids of Bayside get this lovely compact convertible. Some might even call it a golf cart. Obviously, their driver’s training was a lot more cutting edge and unconventional than mine.

Screen Shot 2015-01-21 at 9.36.49 AMBut Zack’s attempts to turn the teacher against Slater don’t counter-act that fact that Slater is an incredibly good golf cart driver. And maybe he does have cause to worry about the Kelly/Slater connection because Kelly seems pretty turned on by how well Slater did in the in-classroom cone obstacle course. I’m beginning to wonder if Zack is a masochist because then he has a fantasy about Slater taking Kelly to the drive-in while he and Screech sit next to them on a bike.

Screen Shot 2015-01-21 at 9.44.03 AMScreen Shot 2015-01-21 at 9.52.52 AM

Zack is such a douche in this episode. Basically, he’s not great at driving so he asks Slater for help. Slater totally agrees to help him out and Zack is still trying to ruin his life. So basically, Zack takes the car out of the classroom and into the hallway and bribes Slater to teach him how to drive out of bounds. But Kelly walks up and wants to ride with Slater. (Zack has suspiciously asked to observe Slater’s teaching techniques from outside the vehicle). As it turns out, Zack has setup Belding to find Slater driving the car alone outside of the classroom. But Zack can’t get Kelly away from the car and basically shocks Slater into crashing. A golf cart. In a hallway. So maybe he isn’t that great of a driver.

It’s pretty concerning that these school locker’s cannot withstand the force of a slow-moving golf cart. But they must not be very heavy lockers because Kelly is actually okay and non-concussed. However, Screech tells Kelly, Slater, Jesse, and Lisa the truth about Zack’s actions, so Jesse encourages Kelly to fake massive-brain-injury in order to guilt Zack into confessing. It almost works, but then Kelly accidentally calls Zack by his name and shows herself to be a lot more lucid than she appeared. Also, someone should have been getting this girl serious medical attention if she really mistook Zack for Tom Cruise.

Then Zack concocts a new plan to keep everyone quiet so that no one gets punished. But since no one has come forward, Belding decides that the best course of action is to cancel Driver’s Ed. Apparently, the school board and parents are totally cool with that. Kelly is so sweet that she offers to take the blame for everyone. Then Slater offers to take the blame instead of Kelly. Why are they protecting Zack?? He was so awful! Agh!

Luckily, Zack proves that he really can be the hero of our show and finally confesses. He’s automatically flunked out of the class and Slater gets two weeks detention. And Kelly is so impressed with his honesty that she agrees to go steady! So good week overall for Zack?

Very Special Lesson: If you ever become jealous of your friends and want to ruin their lives, they will cover for you in the event of a horrible disaster totally and completely by your doing.

Throw Back Thursday!

~ theveryspecialblog ~ 4 Comments

How could The Very Special Blog have a Throwback Thursday when this block throws it back everyday? Well, I may a bit behind here, but I recently discovered a website that makes any website look like a Geocities page. Here’s a screen shot of The VSB Geocities-Style:

Screen Shot 2015-01-04 at 6.44.20 PM

Check out the full website here and see what your blog would look like in all of this ridiculousness.

Also please continue to vote for the Very Special Disney Episode Showdown Winner! There’s currently a tie in the Vacation Attire category! I’ll make the official announcement later today. I know you’re all just dying to find out! Unless, you’re still too pissed about The Golden Girls.

Disney Episode Showdown: Full House vs. Blossom

~ theveryspecialblog ~ 1 Comment

It’s time to decide who will be victorious in the Disney Episode Showdown! But here’s the thing. My brain has been really tired lately. So I thought I’d let you guys decide the winner. People’s choice awards, right? As Valerie Cherish says, those are the most important because they come from the people.

So brief point of order:
All episodes will be graded on a 5 point scale and the winning episode will have the higher score based upon which categories it wins:
Overall Plot–2 points
Music–1 point
Vacation Attire–1 point
Integration of Disney Setting –1 point

The final round consists of Full House and Blossom. Both of these shows have reputations for being very special shows, but now they must face-off in the ultimate showdown.

In terms of plot, I think the best analysis is through comparing very special lessons:
Blossom learned to trust her boyfriend to be honest with her. Blossom’s bf learned to be honest about his feelings. Blossom’s non-Joey Lawrence brother learned to be happy he had a hot girlfriend and stop freaking out about the fact that others are attracted to her. (a.k.a. He learned to stop being a possessive freak.) Joey Lawrence learned it’s possible to have a blast with a nun and that even celibate women can show you a good time. Six learned that it’s okay to be a little bummed at Disney World, and also that if you ride the Jungle Cruise enough you can hook up with the cool guy from school. Blossom’s dad learned that he didn’t need to hide his Elvis impersonator gig because there’s nothing shameful about taking a dumb job if it feeds your kids.

In Full House, Jesse learned that he needed to make quality time for his wife. Danny learned that he was ready to ask another woman to be his wife. Michelle learned that sharing is caring. Stephanie learned that it’s caring to love even those who don’t share. Joey actually did something useful for once and helped Stephanie not hate her sister while everyone else was too busy dealing with their own Disney adventures. We all learned how great the Disney security team is because Michelle had a trusty companion in Snow White literally the entire time she was missing from her family.

Music:
“All About Love” by The Party from Blossom


“For the Times” by John Stamos from Full House

Vacation Attire:
These episodes came out about the same time, so you have comparable early 90’s looks to decide between. I can’t find any high quality photos of Blossom from this episode, so I’m going to refer you to this 90’s video supercut, specifically the Full House and Blossom parts.

Integration of Disney Setting: This one just means how much they incorporated the park (or parks) into their episode. So basically, do you feel like Joey/Jesse in the fish tank at the Coral Reef Cafe or Michelle/Stephanie in the parade was like super awesome. Or do you prefer the more chill reminiscing on the Sky Buckets/Helping the cute guy lead the jungle cruise.




I will reveal the results tomorrow evening, so get to voting!