Last night on “Girl Meets Hurricane” Maya harasses Shawn into giving her fatherly advice. I haven’t watched this show since Eric guest starred, so I’m not sure if this relationship is even reasonable. I have a feeling that it isn’t. She starts mock-beating him up and the clucks like a chicken when he won’t give her advice. So disrespectful. Kids these days.

So then Shawn tells her to dress differently and she cries. But she’s only crying because he cared enough to tell her that and no one else has ever cared that much before, which she says right in front of her mother. This leads Shawn to take her out on a massive shopping spree, and Maya’s mom starts worrying about what will happen when Shawn decides to stop playing dad. (OMG perfect timing on a Father’s Day Weekend episode, right?)

But what could possibly make Shawn not want to play Dad, right?? Well, Angela shows up. Corey announces her presence and then she just shows up in Topanga’s bakery. It’s really odd and unexplained. Corey’s kid Riley is a total jerk to her because she’s upset that Angela might take Shawn away from Maya’s mom. Smh. Go to the mall and do kid things and stop being so obsessed with the grownups in your life!

Angela tells Shawn she’s been married for four years, and he asks her why she left him. She says she wasn’t ready for anything so serious when she was dating him, but she was only ready to get married when she did because of Shawn. I think that’s a compliment but if someone said that to me, I think it would be a very Bye, Felisha moment.

THIS is the weirdest television episode ever. While Maya and Riley sit with their parents eavesdropping in the courtyard, Angela tells Shawn that her husband wants to have kids. She’s nervous and needs her ex-boyfriend’s reassurances that she would be a good mom. I don’t know about you but, if I was a Disney Mom I would not want my kids watching this demented shit.

Then Angela starts demanding that Shawn tell her if Maya’s mom is “The one.” And then she’s all like “life knows what it’s doing” and wants Shawn to use their relationship to be ready to like get married to Maya’s mom, or something, wtf?

Is it possible to give an episode negative stars? Where is Will Friedle? Maya’s mom (can someone please give this character a name, already?) and Shawn agree to go on a date. And Maya approaches Shawn and asks him how he will handle such an important moment in his life. Cue: Ghost of Chet Hunter. He tells Shawn that everyone needs hope and “if that little girl can let her guard down, why can’t you?”

Well, I don’t know about the rest of America, but I remember Chet Hunter being kind of a belligerant drunk. I guess he did have a heart of gold underneath it all, but when did he get so eloquent? Is eloquence something that ghosts earn? Like every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings?

I don’t know. Roll credits.

Very Special Lesson: Whatever “hope” we found in the “Girl Meets Squirrels” episode is officially gone. Also, I’m pretty sure these writers operate on buzzwords. And that they have to incorporate the “buzz word” no less than 15 times into each episode script. Today’s buzzword was “hope” it was brought to you by the letter I–am so old and cynical about these people ruining the most magical show of my youth.