Girl Meets Goodbye

Girl Meets World aired their series finale last night. You all know how I feel about this show, so I may as well have called this post Girl Meets Good Riddance. But I am excited to post about it because this is finally the episode with the gigantic Boy Meets World reunion!! (Including both Morgan’s!! Cannot wait to see how they do that!)


The episode starts off with Maya asking Riley if Topanga has made a decision about taking a job in London (meaning the entire family will move away from New York City). Cory teaches some overbearing lesson to the class about “Belgium 1831” and how it’s all like what they’re going through (namely, what HIS kid is going through) right now. UGH these kids better not be Millennials. We don’t need anyone else accusing us of being self-centered like this! When were these children born? They better be in a different generation! (Ugh, crap. Apparently Millennials were born all the way until 2004. We’ll I’d just like to divest the late 80’s/early 90’s babies from that set, PLEASE.)

So Topanga assembles everyone important to her to bounce around some ideas. (This includes former school bully/current school janitor, Harley. And Minkus…who we didn’t even seen for the last several years of Boy Meets World, but I guess he’s kind of a big deal now because he’s Farkle’s dad.)

Morgan_Matthews(s).pngAs far as both Morgan’s are concerned, they address them both as Morgan. Both as “their sisters.” This is horrible. I REALLY REALLY dislike this. Also, Mr. Turner isn’t even here. This episode super sucks. Oh wait, jk. He literally just walked through the door.

The only cool thing is you get to see Feeny and Eric talk. They’re still funny together. Also, Shawn announces he’s going to adopt Maya. Topanga is mad because she wants to talk about the job offer and she feels like they’re stealing her thunder. Uh, sorry Topanga. A kid just gained a dad today, you jerk.

The Morgan’s offer Cory and Topanga’s youngest kid some advice. They tag-team out mid conversation. This is weird. Maya is really sad and she says that Riley won’t leave because they belong together, but then Josh comes over to talk with all of them and Maya decides that life is replacing Riley with Josh (because she’s a self-centered person who gives a bad name to us older Millennials). They all say they hope to get to keep being themselves and blah blah blah.

Oh, whoops, guess what! Topanga decides they won’t move!! (So really they totally ripped off the end of That 70’s Show where they think they’ll sell the house and move but then they actually don’t. Is this a trope? How many other shows have done this?)

Ugh, now we’re back to Corey talking about “Belgium 1831” and how it applies to their small little lives again. Like seriously, there are like 5 kids in this class who ever cared about the move and the other 12 kids must be so pissed. If my kid had a teacher who taught around 5 kids, I would be calling the PTA like crazy. Cory must be really taking advantage of tenure.

Then there’s a flashback to Cory’s last monologue from Boy Meets World (to original Josh, who I think is the show creator’s son). Now, THAT was a good finale. And then we return to Girl Meets World. As they wrap up their chat inside Topanga’s bakery, a patron comes in and I am 99% sure that he is the grown up version of that OG Josh. By the way OG Josh is a lot older than replacement Josh. They like definitely aged that character down. And then that’s the end! This writing is so bad, it’s literally just the nostalgia factor that kept this show going. OMG it HAS to be. So yep, good riddance.

Anyhow, if you made it all the way end to this crappy post about a crappy show, tell me in the comments which Morgan you liked better on Boy Meets World. I’m team OG Morgan, Lily Nicksay.


Girl Meets Ski Lodge, Part 2

maxresdefaultRiley and the front-desk guy (Evan) are still talking on the window seat bench as the sunrises. Riley freaks out and says that her parents “can never know.” And then front desk guy says, “You can never know.” And then Cory and Topanga pop up from behind one of the ski lodge couches. Wait what?? This is is so creepy and I’m totally freaked out on behalf of Riley. I’ve heard of helicopter parents but this is some next level shit.

girl-meets-world-ski-lodge-2-340x300They too have stayed up all night talking. (Probably more like covertly whispering as they eavesdropped on their kid and her new friend.) They said they wanted to “see what the big deal was.” So Riley asks them how it was. And Topanga basically says it was great and now she likes Cory more. And so Cory says to Riley, “What about you, Riley. Is it a big deal?”

This has got to be the worst way to grow up. This kid never gets to try anything on her own without her parents lurking about with some heavy handed lesson. What is your problem, Cory? Amy and Alan never did you like this!

As Riley tries to head back upstairs, she realizes that all of her classmates are waking up and heading downstairs. And Lucas is pissed that she’s been talking all night with a new guy.

But let me say something positive for once. The girl who plays Maya is hilarious. Her comedic delivery is so on point and I like that they’re playing up that side of her character. In fact, if she was Cory & Topanga’s kid then I’d probably watch this on the regular. Actually, wouldn’t that have been a more interesting show? Cory & Topanga have a Shawn-like kid?

Maya tries to talk Lucas out of his funk, encouraging him not to give Riley such a hard time. Riley sees them chatting and notices some chemistry. She decides to talk with her Uncle Josh about the situation. Then they have this meandering conversation about how Maya has given up herself to become like Riley because she loves Riley so much? Or like wants to feel protected? Or is having a hard time? I don’t know. I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent person, but I had so much trouble following this. I think that it’s most likely one of those things that shows do to try to make kids think that there’s some heavy subject matter at hand when the real answer is mostly that Maya’s a teenager who spends way too much time with one other person and doesn’t really have a strong family life. So she probably has a weird sense of identity right now and will grow out of it like we all do. One of my major complaints with this show is that these characters straight up do not talk like real people.

“Why do we like the same boy,” Riley asks for a second time. Oh right, that’s all that matters here. So then Josh says to Riley that they do not in fact like the same boy. You see, Maya’s only been “liking” Lucas to protect Riley. It seems that Maya and Riley have this realization at the same time, so they head over to the window seat to chat about it. Maya shares that she wanted to be like Riley in order to “make sure what she was feeling” and she wants to make sure Lucas is the right guy for her.

Woah, okay. So many bad boundaries here. I know they’re fourteen and they’re probably too stupid to know about boundaries, but this actually seems like a good time for Cory & Topanga to intervene. So they can let their kid talk all night to a stranger while they listen in the wings, but they can’t teach their kid and her friend about healthy relationships?? Oh yeah…I guess the kind of parents who spy on their children are probably not the best teachers of healthy relationships.

ski-lodge-rilaya-girl-meets-world-500x281Alas, the only answer lies in the notorious book, “The Official Guide of Who Belongs With Who,” which Cory of course remembers from 20 years earlier. He urges them not to play, but for once these virtuous children do not listen to him. Good. This is getting more interesting. Also, this is the “next generation” edition of this book, so it’s not even the same one that Cory knows.

Everyone breaks off into smaller groups: Lucas is pissed and like wants to beat up a tree so his friend goes with him to stop him, Maya grabs Josh by the arm and drags him to the damn window seat, and that leaves Smackle & Farkle with Evan. They grab the book from him and realize it is the exact same book that Cory knows. Evan was making up the questions. He explains himself to be they’re like romance spirit-guide/guru. I don’t know. This dude a creep in my opinion. All of these kids should head back home to the city ASAP.

Okay, Josh is actually a cool guy. He’s really observant (which he attributes to being so much younger than his siblings and growing up watching them). He tells Maya that she’s a really cool person but she is taking on too much of Riley’s personality to be protective. So Maya kind of gets it now. She like kind of got it earlier with Riley but now she understands exactly what she was doing. And now she’s herself again. (Ugh, I guess. I don’t know. It’s been a while since I was a teenager but I don’t remember it working quite like this.) Maya also says that she loves Riley and would never want anything that she wanted.

Josh says, “that’s a really adult way of thinking.” Okay Josh, you’re a nice guy, but I respectfully disagree. This girl literally just told you that she assumed her friend’s personality for an extended period of time and is just now “herself” again. I don’t find that very adult. And if it’s the part about not wanting to steal your friend’s boyfriend, then I’m pretty sure that’s basic protocol for all ages. Either way, I guess she is maturing. Finally, Josh and Maya agree to play “the long game,” which I assume means revisiting this when Maya is also 18 or older. Screen Shot 2016-07-30 at 10.01.42 AM

Wait. Time out. I just looked up their character on the Girl Meets World wikia. (I know. Sad.) And Josh is only 17? And Maya is like 15? Why did they bring a 17 year old boy to chaperone a 15 year old girl? That’s so cruel to both of them! I thought he was like in college or something. Scratch everything I’ve written before. This is once again, all Cory & Topanga’s fault. Also, why can’t Josh just take Maya to prom and be done with this? Or did they advance his age or something? Omg, I don’t know and I’m over it.

So then Lucas asks Riley out, finally. He also gives her a jelly bean in a ring box. It means something to them, I guess. I don’t understand. This is high drama and I’ve never so dramatically been asked on a date. Omg then Riley gives him that damn leaf that floated in through the window. But also she asks him to think of buying a sandwich for her when he buys a sandwich for himself. I really appreciate that she’s brining this up because it’s my primary need in a relationship as well.

Cut to: creepy Evan thinking he made all of this happen. Or “guided” them to it or whatever. OMG HE IS LINDA CARDELLINI’S SON. Or like the character she played, rather. So he’s like the positive version of her character?

Very Special Lesson: Omg, you are teenagers in New York City. Calm the eff down and stop taking yourselves so seriously. Go hang out on St. Mark’s Place like every other kid your age.

Girl Meets Ski Lodge

This episode starts off with a brief recap of “Heartbreak Cory.” I haven’t covered this episode, so I’m going to direct you over to Sleepoverz if you want more details on the original. What’s particularly odd about this “recap” is that it consists of Riley telling all of her classmates about how her dad cheated on her mom at a ski lodge when they were in high school. And they’re all actually interested in this for some odd reason. I’m so glad that I don’t have any details on my parents high school dating lives or their dating lives in general. And in a total lack of parent/teacher boundaries as well as a total lack of creative originality, Cory offers this heavy-handed foreshadowing:Screen Shot 2016-07-23 at 7.39.16 PMScreen Shot 2016-07-23 at 7.39.33 PMScreen Shot 2016-07-23 at 7.39.44 PMScreen Shot 2016-07-23 at 7.39.56 PM

Okay then…Cory has also invited Topanga to come along with the “Nature Club” on their field trip to Mount Sun Lodge as a chaperone. He’s also invited his little brother Josh to chaperon who Riley’s bff Maya seems to want to date? I’ve clearly missed some backstory here but I think that’s a thing. Too bad he didn’t invite Screen Shot 2016-07-23 at 7.47.56 PMEric to chaperone because I’m pretty sure that’s the only person I’m actually remotely interested in watching. But I guess Maya also knows she cannot date Josh since he’s an adult and she’s a child, and thus she and Riley both want to date Lucas. Ugh I don’t know. I don’t remember having a friendship where my best girlfriend and I both fell in love with our best boyfriend because I’m pretty sure friendships with those kind of stakes don’t usually last to long. But whatever. We should all know by now that this show isn’t very realistic.

There’s a scene jump and suddenly Riley has a walking boot on and is sitting alone in the bay wade at the lodge. Everyone else returns from a hike and there’s some sexual tension between Maya and Lucas. Then Riley tells them that the leaf that blew in through the bay window as she sat alone thinking is a sign that the “triangle needs to die” ughhhhhh.

There’s like six movies to pick from for movie night, yet everyone is more interested in watching Maya, Riley, and Lucas try to figure out their love triangle. Lucas suggests that they all imagine what their lives would be like together. Lucas’s life with Maya is a James Bond-esque movie. Here’s something somebody made on YouTube:

Riley’s life with Lucas is boring and pretty but the Maya ruins her fantasy by saying that she’s a doctor and she’s diagnosed them all with fatal Gooey-Sap Disease (G.S.D.) Blah. Fine. Obviously, we’re not working to a weird solution here.

So then they acknowledge that all they’ve done here is waste 30 minutes of our time so that they could make this a much-buzzed-about 2-part episode. Everyone else goes to bed but Topanga let’s Riley stay up (alone and unchaperoned! special rules for the teachers kid!) and watch the night sky in the bay window. But then a cute guy comes in to work the night shift at the front desk. They drink hot cocoa and he seems like a romantic too. To be continued…

Very Special Lesson: Isn’t there a girl-code where you just both agree not to date the same guy? Why is this even a thing?? Also, am I supposed to root for team Riley-Front-Desk-Guy or feel like this is the beginning of a Law and Order: SVU episode??

Girl Meets Cory and Topanga

I’m so late posting this, you’ve probably all read 70 reviews already. No, I’m the only one who reads that many reviews of one episode? Well, I’m hoping you have time for one more very special review of last night’s episode of Girl Meets World. But this post also has a very special guest star! My boyfriend, who so kindly critiqued this episode with me has allowed me to share his snarky thoughts as well.

In this episode, Riley starts to feel crappy that she’s not very good at anything, whereas Cory and Topanga are pretty much awesome. The boyfriend says, “Well, I’m glad they’re addressing this. She does seem useless. At least little Cory liked baseball.” That’s a fair assessment. For being the lead character in this show, Riley really doesn’t have much of a character.

Riley takes this really far and decides that she’ll never amount to anything in life. Ever. So she tries to become a nun so her life will have meaning. A nun tells her that no one is perfect and no one even comes close to the most perfect person she knows. I thought she was talking about God, but then out walks Topanga–who has just saved their orphanage.

Naturally, the only thing for Riley to do is imagine herself in the stories her parents tell her. That’s right folks, this is NOT A TIME TRAVEL EPISODE. It’s an imagination episode. And it consists of Riley observing her parents in two scenes. The first is where Cory and Topanga bond over shooting “baskets” with clean socks and a laundry basket. This leads Riley to believe she is a “goof” like her dad. But her mom is still perfect.

Until the next memory, the infamous O-zone layer poem scene, in which she and Riley determine that Topanga is even more of a goof than Cory.

All of this somehow confirms to Riley that she is unique (because she is 1/2 Cory and 1/2 Topanga) and will make something out of her life. Then the episode abruptly ends.

Very Special Lesson: If you have no sense of self, but you have cool parents, then don’t worry. You’re going to be just fine because genetics.

Things Get Even Weirder on Girl Meets World

I’m sure I don’t even have to explain to you that I’m definitely going to be watching tomorrow’s episode of Girl Meets World, but I have to say that this promo
a. makes me feel older than this show already did
b. is kind of making my head spin because like wtf 90’s America + modern day rip off show + all of the nostalgia + my childhood + my current stress levels = what is life in this twilight zone?? and will we see Eric with his awesome hair??
c. is probably something you should watch for yourself and then talk to me about in the comments

Girl Meets World: Girl Meets Creativity

Two Girl Meets World episodes in a row? What have I become?? I’ve become swamped by work. I work 7 days a week on salary and I want to cry and can we please get that new overtime law passed? Anyway, Girl Meets World episodes are like 20 minutes long and have improved to the point where they don’t make me cringe all the time. Plus, this is the second week in a row where an original BMW cast-member is chilling with the GMW team.

Screen Shot 2015-08-22 at 7.54.28 PMIn this episode, the affluent and by-far newest looking public school in New York city, John Quincy Middle School, is cutting art, dance, and music classes. I felt like this had to be a charter school because of how ridiculous this schools resources are but looks like I stand corrected. Anyway, now everyone is up-in-arms because the “underprivileged” character, Maya, cannot paint anymore. Uh, hello you live in New York City–a place where public schools suck and art is widely accessible. So I don’t get the drama of this episode, but what’s new? Except that public schools should have art, duh.

Screen Shot 2015-08-22 at 7.55.25 PMAnyway, the kids yell at Mr. Turner (superintendent, remember) and then they perform their love of art in front of the school board. Their performances suck and sort of just made me agree with the school board since obviously no one taught these kids anything anyway. But then Farkle alternates between rattling off prime numbers and doing a beautiful tap dance and like I am moved. I mean this kid is a good dancer but like the juxtaposition is just speaking to me right now. (This is your brain on over a month of 80 hour work weeks).

Screen Shot 2015-08-22 at 7.55.56 PMThen Riley does another interpretive dance and I once again do not care that these programs are losing funding. They need to remove her from this meeting, seriously. Then it turns out that one of the board members is a studio art major. And so then she has a moral dilemma. With only 3 minutes left, how will it end?? They decide to like put off the decision and try to be more creative, I think.

Screen Shot 2015-08-22 at 7.55.16 PMThere are still so many unanswered Mr. Turner questions. He an Shawn have yet to have screen time together. I need them to face-off. There must be a day of reckoning. Why did Mr. Turner heal, never to bond with Shawn again? Why did he only teach classes with Minkus on the other side of the school? And where can I buy a cool shirt like, Auggie is wearing? I need answers!

Girl Meets World: Matthew Lawrence Returns

It’s semi-formal time at John Quincy Adams Middle School. For whatever reason “The School Board” sends over an etiquette video from the 1950’s for Corey to show the kids. I’m 99% sure the narration for this video is voiced by Will Friedle. Anyway, Corey’s kid freaks out because her (unofficial?) boyfriend hasn’t asked her to the dance. And I don’t really care. I’m writing about this episode because the biggest dream-boat to ever grace our screens as a Boy Meets World cast member is making a return appearance in this episode.

Eric is in town to meet with a sleazy big business guy .who is going to try to buy his vote. He’s a senator now, by the way. It turns out that Jack (having joined the Peace Corps with Rachel) has shunned his altruistic ways and joined this nasty company. He’s the guy Eric has to meet with. Well, I guess Eric isn’t required to meet with him, but this explains why he took the meeting.

So Eric decides to take Jack to the school dance, which he describes as going “back in time.” He calls Cory “Feeny” lol. And Jack is all like Remember when we were just like these kids? And I want to be like No. They didn’t know you in middle school. They knew you in college. Who compares a college memory to a middle school memory? But whatever. I like seeing the original show’s cast back, so however they need to force it is fine with me.

Jack asks Cory what it’s like having a daughter, so Cory asks Jack to help Riley with her love life. (She’s trying to decide between two boys or something). I mean like wtf why would you ask a friend you haven’t seen in years to do something so ridiculous right in front of your kid? Like deal with your own kid, jerk.

So Jack compares Riley’s middle school situation to that time that he and Eric lived with Rachel and both wanted to date her. Well, I mean he makes it way more PG. Riley asks how Rachel felt about each of them and Jack tells her that she liked him as a boyfriend. Eric tells her that Rachel liked him as a brother. We then learn that Rachel and Jack haven’t talked in a really long time, whereas Eric and Rachel talk all the time. So Jack tells her that having close friends is “the best choice you can make.”

Then no one can figure out who Riley is at the dance with. Like who is her date? And they’re like oh well. “We’re all friends and we’re all dancing. What else is there to figure out?” I mean this is like a sentiment I would have accepted in college, but this is like freaking middle school. Where is the drama? The catty and possessive behavior? It’s a black-and-white world in your thirteen year-old mind and you have to pick one of the boys to be your boyfriend. Then a week later you have to dramatically break up with that boyfriend and realize that the other boy was your true love forever. I mean it’s like these writers have never been to a middle school dance!

Anyway, Matthew Lawrence still looks good, and isn’t that all that really matters?

Girl Meets Mr. Turner

Those rascally kids at John Quincy Adams Middle School have scared off their English teacher! And so they get a lady version of Mr. Turner. She walks into the room wearing leather of the motorcycle variety. Her first English lesson involves handing them all band new copies of Batman: The Dark Knight Returns. So. I would like to sign up for this 8th grade English class please.

Riley, little disrespectful brat, says to the cool new teacher, “Um. Aren’t you supposed to be teaching us the important books?” RUDE. The cool teacher tells her it is important. She also tells the class to call her by her first name, Harper. And that they will “figure out” her namesake.

Alas, this revolutionary teaching is short-lived. The principal sees “comic books” out on the desks and shames Harper into teaching To Kill a Mockingbird instead. I guess those kids will be figuring out that namesake sooner rather than later. But maybe not. Harper defies the principal’s orders and proceeds with teaching The Dark Knight Returns. 

At dinner, the girls are so psyched about their homework that they’re rushing through everything. Topanga asks them what’s up and they talk about how cool the new teacher is. Recognizing that they are describing a lady version of Mr. Turner, Topanga asks Cory if he was on the search committee for the new teacher, and he replies that he was. And then they tell their children how they had one teacher other than Mr. Feeny and that Mr. Feeny was that teacher’s principal.And the kids are like No, way would one teacher teach you forever AND be your principal in today’s world. And Cory is all like, “we’ll see.”

The next day the principal fires Harper and won’t even let her explain her lesson plan. To be fair, as a new teacher she probably should have explained her lesson plan as soon as he asked her to teach a different book. But no, she’s a rebel and she decide to just ignore him and continue doing what she was doing. Maya and Riley get Cory to intervene and he’s all like, “how can you possible fire someone like her?” And then he does that whole if she goes, I go thing. So they both get fired.

But Topanga’s all lawyer-y and she’s all like NOPE. A principal can’t fire a tenured public school teacher. Duh. So now the principal will have to take this up with the superintendent, and he can fire both of them. Except, no. He cannot. An independent hearing officer is responsible for dismissing tenured teachers in New York City and it is basically impossible to dismiss a tenured teacher. But fine, since this is the freaking twilight zone of Boy Meets World, let’s just take it up with the superintendent–who happens to be Mr. Turner.

This should be no surprise at all as it seems that literally everyone from John Adams High has made the 90 minute trek up I-95 and relocated to the village. Even those people that we haven’t seen in a freaking decade. So Mr. Turner is all like, “I taught the X-Men on my first day.” And the principal is all devastated that he has clearly screwed up here, but who gives a crap? We’re finally getting the answers we need about Mr. Turner’s post-accident days!

Here’s what he’s been up to:
-He married his nurse
-He hired Cory to his teaching position
-He frequently visits Cory at his home (except Auggie apparently has never met him until he comes over for dinner at the end of the episode)

Omg. Wtf. That’s all we get to know???

Then Maya and Riley lurk outside the window because all they care about is spying on the adults in their lives.

Screen Shot 2015-07-18 at 1.27.56 PM

Oh well, Mr. Turner does immediately recognize Farkle as Stuart Minkus’s son–no introduction needed–so maybe he was over on the “other part of the school” teaching honors classes.

Girl Meets Mr. Squirrels Goes to Washington

Eric is running for Senator of New York and he wants Riley and her friends to run the campaign. It turns out that this is a great idea (well in the world of this TV Show) because the incumbent senator has taken money away from the school budget and “given” it to his “rich friends.” (We only find this out because the dude who unearthed all of this fiscal drama happens to be sitting in Topanga’s bakery while Eric is talking to the kids.) They all decide Eric has a change at winning the election because he cares about schools.

Um. Right. For a show based in New York, I guess they forgot about Zephyr Teachout. Moving right along…

Anyway, Harley Keiner (former tough guy at John Adams High in Philadelphia, current custodian at John Quincy Adams in New York City) somehow gets involved in the situation. He’s mostly just there so Eric can not recognize him as Harley but think he looks a lot like Harley and then say some dumb stuff about how he wished he had beaten up Harely…only to realize he is, in fact, talking to Harley. But Harley handles it with grace because he’s mellowed and matured.

Screen Shot 2015-07-11 at 8.31.16 PMShortly thereafter, Eric comes to realize that he was selected to run for senator by someone from the incumbent’s campaign because they thought he would fail. He then becomes very depressed and Riley and Maya have to entice him to get back to work with cocoa puffs, milk, and chocolate syrup. Very reminiscent of this:

So then they have a debate at JQA Middle School and the Senator is basically like: Eric Matthews has no experience, he has no children of his own (which is his entire platform), and lowering the voting age is kind of stupid (oh yeah the middle schoolers want to lower the voting age and it is kind of stupid). But then Eric is like just ’cause I don’t have my own kids doesn’t mean I don’t care about kids. And then the Senator is like “prove it.” And then the dude from Topanga’s bakery who had discovered all of the Senator’s fiscal shenanigans, is all like I can prove that Eric cares about kids! And it turns out that he’s actually Tommy, who you all may recognize as this kid:

And at this point everyone in Girl Meets World shouldScreen Shot 2015-07-11 at 8.41.41 PM like wonder if they’re living in the freaking Twilight Zone because like wtf. But yeah. It does sort of tug on my heart strings, if only because Will Friedle is so lovingly like “Tommy?” And for some reason Topanga is in the background fangirling about this child she barely knew from like a decade earlier that Eric mentored. But then they actually play a clip of Boy Meets World in order to show who Tommy is because he was kind of a minor character and why on earth would kids who watch Girl Meets World know or care about him? I’ve come to accept that the Eric episodes are written for the grown-ups, thank God. And then Tommy is all like Eric gave me up because he loved me. And he talks about how he ended up with a great family and blah blah blah Eric is great with kids. Meanwhile, all of the tweens are filming this on their smartphones.

And like Eric and Tommy walk off arm-in-arm and somehow he now has a chance of actually winning the election? So Topanga and Corey pack up to leave the country just in case, leaving their children behind. The end!

Very Special Lesson: Remember how I mentioned The Twilight Zone above? Yeah, I think Girl Meets World is all just like a Twilight Zone future for the characters of Boy Meets World. Or like Eric is in a coma and dreaming this shit. Or something. But it’s like…it’s weird.

Girl Meets World: Angela and Shawn

Last night on “Girl Meets Hurricane” Maya harasses Shawn into giving her fatherly advice. I haven’t watched this show since Eric guest starred, so I’m not sure if this relationship is even reasonable. I have a feeling that it isn’t. She starts mock-beating him up and the clucks like a chicken when he won’t give her advice. So disrespectful. Kids these days.

So then Shawn tells her to dress differently and she cries. But she’s only crying because he cared enough to tell her that and no one else has ever cared that much before, which she says right in front of her mother. This leads Shawn to take her out on a massive shopping spree, and Maya’s mom starts worrying about what will happen when Shawn decides to stop playing dad. (OMG perfect timing on a Father’s Day Weekend episode, right?)

But what could possibly make Shawn not want to play Dad, right?? Well, Angela shows up. Corey announces her presence and then she just shows up in Topanga’s bakery. It’s really odd and unexplained. Corey’s kid Riley is a total jerk to her because she’s upset that Angela might take Shawn away from Maya’s mom. Smh. Go to the mall and do kid things and stop being so obsessed with the grownups in your life!

Angela tells Shawn she’s been married for four years, and he asks her why she left him. She says she wasn’t ready for anything so serious when she was dating him, but she was only ready to get married when she did because of Shawn. I think that’s a compliment but if someone said that to me, I think it would be a very Bye, Felisha moment.

THIS is the weirdest television episode ever. While Maya and Riley sit with their parents eavesdropping in the courtyard, Angela tells Shawn that her husband wants to have kids. She’s nervous and needs her ex-boyfriend’s reassurances that she would be a good mom. I don’t know about you but, if I was a Disney Mom I would not want my kids watching this demented shit.

Then Angela starts demanding that Shawn tell her if Maya’s mom is “The one.” And then she’s all like “life knows what it’s doing” and wants Shawn to use their relationship to be ready to like get married to Maya’s mom, or something, wtf?

Is it possible to give an episode negative stars? Where is Will Friedle? Maya’s mom (can someone please give this character a name, already?) and Shawn agree to go on a date. And Maya approaches Shawn and asks him how he will handle such an important moment in his life. Cue: Ghost of Chet Hunter. He tells Shawn that everyone needs hope and “if that little girl can let her guard down, why can’t you?”

Well, I don’t know about the rest of America, but I remember Chet Hunter being kind of a belligerant drunk. I guess he did have a heart of gold underneath it all, but when did he get so eloquent? Is eloquence something that ghosts earn? Like every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings?

I don’t know. Roll credits.

Very Special Lesson: Whatever “hope” we found in the “Girl Meets Squirrels” episode is officially gone. Also, I’m pretty sure these writers operate on buzzwords. And that they have to incorporate the “buzz word” no less than 15 times into each episode script. Today’s buzzword was “hope” it was brought to you by the letter I–am so old and cynical about these people ruining the most magical show of my youth.