Sabrina’s a senior in high school in this episode and has decided she’s too old for pranks and trick-or-treating. So she gets a job at a coffee shop and decides to work there instead of celebrating Halloween. Um. Okay. I mean kind of an extreme reaction to not wanting to collect candy door to door but always good to build that résumé I suppose!
Meanwhile her aunts are fully into celebrating the holiday, so they conjure up Edgar Allen Poe for Halloween dinner. You know what I very much love? The idea of a formal Halloween dinner with special guests. Add that to my post-quarantine to do list please!
Sabrina’s aunts warn her that witches “can’t run away from Halloween,” but she ignores them and works at the coffee shop (alone) anyway. As it turns out, not being able to run away involves having what amounts to a low-key psychotic episode. So you know…idk I would probably just go to Halloween dinner if I were here…
But anyway Sabrina tries to push through the hallucinations, which include “hearing” a customer say, “I want to chop you up in little pieces,” (!!!) when he’s really just ordering a cup of coffee. And don’t worry, the worst thing that happens with that dude is she serves him coffee that is so strong it tastes like mud.
When the coffee shop gets too crowded for Sabrina to handle on her own, she starts whipping up lattes using magic. Cut to: zombies in the alleyway.
Now I’m not saying that Sabrina’s use of coffee shop magic caused the zombie apocalypse, but the show’s editing is leading me down that road of logic. And then a giant storm appears and the power goes out!
Sabrina tries a spell to get the zombies to go away, but it doesn’t work. Meanwhile, Edgar is really enjoying Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda’s cooking. When Sabrina calls home for help, they’re too busy chatting to talk to her, so she’s only able to ask Salem for advice. He explains that witches who run from Halloween get chased by Halloween. Yikes!
The zombies eventually break into the coffee shop, but it turns out they don’t want to eat human (or witch) flesh. They just want to dance!! We are then treated to — I kid you not — a 90 second montage of terrible dancing with even worse stock music.
Finally in the last four minutes of the episode, Sabrina realizes that the only way to make the zombies go away is to celebrate Halloween. She calls out to her boyfriend Harvey, who is across the street TP’ing the Christine Science Reading room, and tells him to come over and prank the coffee shop instead. We are then treated to another montage — this time 20 seconds of toilet-papering zombies.
Things aren’t much better back at the house. Edgar Allen Poe has decided to read a tepid romance. He’s branching out from horror! But it’s dull and totally not the Halloween experience the aunts were looking for. Luckily, Salem has somehow managed to write short stories without the use of opposable thumbs and reads some of his own scary stories to the group. They’re so spooky that they even make Edgar Allen Poe’s hair stand on end. (Too bad we spent so long on the zombie dance montage because we don’t get to hear any of the stories in their entirety.)
Very Special Halloween Lesson: Property destruction is the only way to stave off the zombie apocalypse? Don’t worry, Salem actually lists a couple of his own very special lessons during the credits, so I’ve got some better options to share with you than that one: “Try as you may, you cannot run away from Halloween.” “You never really know what lurks beneath your neighborhood sewer grate.”
I never know quite how to feel about Charlie’s Angels. On the one hand, the premise is that these bright, capable women were pigeon-holed into menial tasks at their jobs based on systemic bias against their gender. After Charlie “took them away from all that,” they’re given complicated jobs where they use their keen intellect, physical training, and ability to think on their feet to catch high-powered criminals — largely flying under the radar because they are women. So in terms of subverting traditional expectations in the 1970s — hell yeah!
On the other hand, the show is 150% shot from the male gaze — Charlie only surrounds himself with hot babes after all — which puts one hell of a damper on everything I mentioned above. At the end of the day, I still love all of the actresses on this show and the sophisticated characters they created. And I hope that in the late-70’s that the men and boys who tuned in solely to check out the eye candy, left feeling like women were smart, competent, and good in a crisis.
I think a lot of men and women also tuned in not just for the eye candy. I happen to be one of them. And hey, I’m not against eye candy. I’m simply grateful to live in a time where people are slowly but surely becoming more thoughtful about how we all enjoy each others bodies. Okay, so that’s probably enough of a disclaimer about the series! I’m sure there are many scholarly articles you could find if you want to delve further into the contradictory themes around this show. But my feelings about the angels are largely positive, so let’s get to the episode!
Side note: I have a vague memory of seeing this episode in reruns as an eleven year old and it scaring the shit out of me, so this should be a fun trip down memory lane.
Fun Fact: This episode aired 42 years ago today!
We open with an ESP test at “The Rossmore Institute for Psychic Research.” Dr. Holden, the researcher in charge of the study warns that they are not using the scientific method for this study, so his reputation is at stake. (Well duh of course it is. It’s not a research study then. You’re just playing science! Ugh okay, sorry.) Anyway, there was some kind of “disruption” when they ran the study the previous night, so they’ve brought in Ms. Rossmore to observe the study.
A woman with long platinum hair and an all white dress is participating in a telepathic experiment — okay, I think this is what scared me immediately as a child. And no, I don’t have a lifelong fear of telepathy or blondes. It’s that she looks like the spooky girl from Watcher in the Woods.
Anyway, the blond woman gets possessed by an ethereal male voice, who speaks directly to Mrs. Rossmore. She recognizes the voice of that of her dead nephew and gets, understandably, freaked out. Luckily, she’s Bosley’s bridge partner so she has a direct line to the Angels.
Mrs. Rossmore describes her nephew Martin’s fatal motorcycle accident for the Angels and everything seems pretty straight-forward — except for the psychic possession. Bosley thinks that it’s junk science, but Mrs. Rossmore believes it’s real. She created the entire institute in order to reach out to Martin. So it sounds mostly like she’s there because Bosley is concerned…cause like honestly it sounds like this lady got what she was looking for.
It turns out she’s really just asking for the Angels to prove she’s right and reassure Bosley, so they can continue to play bridge in peace. The whole situation is even more suspicious because ghost-Martin suddenly appeared after Mrs. Rossmore threatened to cut off payment to the study (cause they weren’t getting any results). Anyway, the Angels will be going undercover at the institute: Kris as a researcher and Sabrina as the subject of her research. (Stay tuned for what Kelly’s job in all this is, I guess?)
As they drive onto the grounds, Sabrina tells Kris to stop the car. She points out the tree that Martin crashed into (yikes, that’s macabre). On a lighter note, let’s look at Kris’s great researcher outfit. Love the neutrals and big glasses.
In order to prove that she has a “special gift,” Sabrina tells Dr. Holden that she “senses” someone was killed on the grounds. He is immediately impressed. You know, cause there’s absolutely no way she could have gotten that information in any other way.
To further legitimatize her psychic abilities, Sabrina alerts Dr. Holden that he is about to receive a phone call. It turns out to be Mrs. Rossmore, which makes him trust Sabrina as he believes that she could have coordinated the call with someone else but not Mrs. Rossmore. (Surprise, surprise, she did coordinate it with Mrs. Rossmore.)
Truly, these outfits are timeless.
Now that they’ve proved their legitimacy, the Angels are able to watch the next experiment in person. But this time Martin doesn’t posses the blonde woman. Instead he’s just a disembodied voice that yells at her. It’s spooky. He also appears to attack her because they next thing you know, she’s flying out of the chair. But it’s hard to say for sure because we cannot see Martin, of course. Oh but wait…okay…she’s dead. All right, the stakes of this investigation are higher now. Martin is spooky spooky spooky. And also now this is a locked room mystery, guys!!!!
The Angels are clearly spooked by this new development.
Meanwhile back at the office, Kelly reveals that they dead woman (Kathy) was using a fake last name at the institute. She agrees to investigate her while Bosley finds out everything he can about Martin.
Sabrina and Kris work out a special code, so they can prove to Dr. Holden that Sabrina should participate in the study. She selects enough of the right “ESP cards” (usually the same one that Kris has selected but not always) in order to prove she has psychic abilities but not enough to show that they’re operating off of a code — what??? I don’t know anything about this ESP research stuff, but it would seem like either you have ESP or you don’t. Am I supposed to believe there is a faulty connection between cards sometimes? Well anyway, it’s enough to convince Dr. Holden that they Sabrina can be part of the study.
Cut to: Kelly investigating Kathy. She’s not undercover so she can just be herself and poke around and ask directly about Kathy’s background. Kelly goes to the set of a television show and speaks to a man named Peter, who is also a psychic and previously worked with Kathy. She learns from Peter that Dr. Holden is a skeptic who may not really believe in ESP.
Back at the institute, one of the research subjects has taken an interest in Kris. They take a walk on the grounds and he talks about the heavy emotional weight of having ESP. Every object he touches is embedded with memory and feelings and ugh it sounds horrible. He touches Kris’s arm and gets a vision of her at the police academy. OMG!!!!
Kris is shook.
Kelly continues to search for the truth about Kathy and in the process uncovers her grandmother. She owns an antique store and does not approve of Kathy’s interest in the paranormal. She also reveals that Martin was Kathy’s boyfriend!!!! Suddenly there is a spooky rattling in the shop. A mirrors crack, things fall off the wall, and the television explodes!
It’s like an earthquake almost, but Kelly is sure that it wasn’t. She hypothesizes that Kathy was a true believer, but Bosley suggest she might have simply been part of a plan to swindle Mrs. Rossmore. They all agree that someone must have double-crossed her…but it’s still a locked room mystery so no movement on who or how.
Kris tells everyone about her interaction with the man who had a vision of her at the academy. Kelly points out that he wasn’t around when Kathy was murdered…so maybe he’s the murderer? But there’s not enough to go on yet, so Bosley continues to dig into Martin’s past.
This includes learning that Martin may have set fire to a bunch of church choir robes because some other boys made fun of him when his voice changed. He may have also tried to drown a girl at a picnic as a child because they were fighting over a sandwich. This is really starting to sound like The Bad Seed.
Bosley finds over a dozen people that paint a pretty damning picture of Martin and his lack of moral compass. But Mrs. Rossmore still refuses to believe that he was a piece of shit. She sentimentally plays Bosley some of the casette tapes he used to send her with life updates from college (because he didn’t like writing letters). We then come to learn that Martin dropped of out college and used his tuition money to buy his motorcycle. Mrs. Rossmore argued with him over this, which was right before his accident. Mrs. Rossmore blames herself for his death.
Bosley convinces her to run the experiment again so that they can hopefully determine how Kathy was murdered. Mrs. Rossmore asks the psychic that Kelly met with earlier to run the experiment with Sabrina. He’s reluctant but Mrs. Rossmore insists because she is “stubborn as old ketchup,” which is apparently a phrase some people used at one point in time.
Everyone is confined to their rooms at the institute prior to the experiment. Kelly gets assigned to Martin’s old room. And Kris’s ESP crush comes to visit her in her room. ~ooooooh~
He tries to warn Kris to abandon the experiment. He says that he knows she and Sabrina are fakes and he doesn’t believe that Martin is a ghost. He’s afraid something bad will happen and thinks they should call the experiment off before anyone else gets killed.
In Kelly’s/Martin’s room the glasses on the bedside table start shaking just like everything in the antique shop did earlier. Kelly breaks the “stay in your room” rule to go find Kris. The both go to Sabrina’s room, but she there. Peering out the window, they see a motorcycle racing through the grounds.
It turns out Sabrina isn’t in her room because she’s busy searching the house. In the basement she finds a bunch of electrical wires rigged up to a sound system.
Meanwhile, Kelly and Kris find Bosley and tell him that Sabrina isn’t in her room. While outside of Bosley’s room they all hear Martin’s ethereal voice again (which we know is Sabrina messing with the sound system).
Cut to: a very confused, Bosley, Kris, and Kelly in the viewing area of the experiment room. Sabrina speaks to them from a booth and tells them she knows how the murder was committed.
Surprise! She’s actually right behind them! The Sabrina in the booth is actually a video recording! Sabrina has deduced that Kathy and Peter were working together when Peter double-crossed her by playing a pre-recorded version of his part of the scam, so he could sneak off and kill her during the experiment. Remember earlier how I said she flew out of her chair? She probably saw Peter at the door tried to run out and away from him to no avail.
While Sabrina waits for Peter to start the experiment, we seem him pull this same trick again. He accesses a hidden compartment in his booth and initiates the tape recording via remote control. He has also hidden a buzzer in this same compartment, which unlocks the door to both his booth and the adjoining booth (formerly Kathy’s and now Sabrina’s). Moments later he has Sabrina held hostage at gun point.
But it’s Sabrina we’re talking about here, so she manages to beat the shit out of him even though he’s armed. He takes off running and winds up pinned against the very tree Martin hit because the ghost motorcycle is back and headed straight for him! Hello 1970s version of the Headless Horseman!
This gives Sabrina and the other angels time to chase him down. And as it turns out, it’s Bosley who is riding the motorcycle. He found it stashed on the grounds during all the commotion. Peter was presumably the man riding it earlier, which explains why he didn’t hear the recording Sabrina was playing earlier in the evening. If he had been in the house, he would probably have gotten out of there before even running the “experiment.”
Back at the office, the Angels discuss how everything was a scheme for Peter to take over the institute. Bosley says that ESP is all a fraud, but Kris’s ESP friend is there (probably cause he loveeees her) and shares a secret of Bosley’s that no one else knows. So I guess it is legit after all! (Or Kris’s new friend is a creepy stalker. Yikes!)
Anyway, I have to say I loved this episode so freaking much. Solid 10/10. And I’d say it’s actually an episode that subverts a lot of the trope issues I have with otherepisodes. This felt like a spooky, grown up Nancy Drewand The Ghost of Blackwood Halland it was fabulous.
Very Special Halloween Lesson: Truly what I learned here is that I need more pantsuits. But also that I would probably never lock myself in an adjoining room with that of a known murderer.
It’s been a few years since we last celebrated TV Sitcom Halloween on the VSB, but I think it is finally time to reboot the franchise! Stay tuned for the fifth installment of Halloweek featuring Full House, Family Matters, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch and more!
2020 is once again kicking us while we’re down! Netflix announced yesterday that GLOW is canceled. As many of you may know, the show had begun filming its fourth season when shooting shutdown due to the pandemic. And it appears that the pandemic has now ended the shows run for good. I don’t even production teams (especially those with larger casts) for struggling to navigate this unprecedented landscape. My first instinct, of course, is to wallow in sorrow forever. But I’ve decided to share a list of coping strategies instead:
3. Re-Design their fabulous costumes with the fan-made coloring book. If you’ve ever wanted the opportunity to lend your artistic-hand to some of GLOW’s most famous spandex attire, now’s your chance with this super cute coloring book from Department of Awesome on Etsy.
4. Organize your friends to send a can of Summer’s Eve to Netflix, demanding they fund a special series finale when this is all over. When promoting the shows first season a few years ago, Betty Gilpin mentioned that a can of Summer’s Eve appeared on set as a joke until they all realized how intimate the wrestling scenes were and people started actually using it. I’m not endorsing this product — that’s between you and your gyno — but it definitely seems like a way to get Netflix’s attention! Here’s a list of other fan campaigns for inspiration. If you have a better idea, let me know in the comments!
Let me start off by saying, I would 100% prefer the nerves I feel re-acclimating to society as NYC continues to reopen to the crippling lingering effects many people experience after covid. And if you’re an anti-masker, don’t even come at me! I do not have time to argue science with you. If everybody wore a mask back in April, then maybe I would leading a semi-normal life right now instead of wondering if I’m going to find Jimmy (Martin Mull) from the “Snap Out of It” episode of The Golden Girls a tad too relatable when this pandemic is over.
While I have loads and loads of normal regular times neurotic anxiety, I’ve never had social anxiety. But after spending months and months only seeing like, oh I don’t know, the same five, the thought of a full-length conversation face to face with ANYONE other than one of those five people seems a little spooky.
In all fairness, I went on a blind-friend date (which is a blind date with a new friend, not a romantic blind date) last weekend and it felt surprisingly normal. But it was like 90 minutes of walking outside, which as much as I want to claim to be a fit healthy person is not how I typically socialized in the pre-quarantine life.
So what I’m talking about is getting cozy in a bar or sitting next to a total stranger on a subway car (gasp). WTF is THAT going to feel like??
Okay now join me on this journey back to 1990 and let me paint you a little picture of what’s going on with The Golden Girls. Sophia and Dorothy are volunteering for Meals on Wheels. Dorothy complains that Sophia is talking and visiting with the meal recipients, which honestly is kind of the point of Meals on Wheels, but there’s this one door where they don’t even knock because that person just wants the food left outside the door.
Dorothy catches a glimpse of the man as he retrieves the food and immediately believes him to be a scammer because he is both young and physically abled. So Dorothy follows this man into his apartment and rudely grills him because he doesn’t have any illnesses that she can SEE with her EYES. Ugh.
Even though he shouldn’t have to (because he’s on the freaking food recipient list) he tells Dorothy that he hasn’t left his apartment in twenty-two years, so that she will let him keep his damn food!
Dorothy apologies and immediately leaves only to complain to Sophia that it’s such a bummer that this poor dude is all alone and there isn’t anything she can do about it. WHICH ONCE AGAIN. IS THE POINT OF MEALS ON WHEELS. (We know this show is smarter than that so don’t worry, it’s all a big set up for character development.)
Off-screen Dorothy and Jimmy have a big heart to heart. We don’t get to hear it, so I guess they didn’t want to pay Martin Mull that much for his shooting time, but we do get to hear Dorothy describe to Blanche later on that the stress of the tumultuous 1960’s caused Jimmy’s agoraphobia. Blanche is all like yeah I get that but things are fine now so how come he isn’t hanging out with everybody???
Eventually, Dorothy gets a call from Jimmy who says he is ready to stop isolating. Sophia warns Dorothy that she isn’t a psychiatrist and should check her ego. But come on have you met Dorothy?? She is nothing if not egotistical.
As it turns out, Jimmy doesn’t want to leave his apartment. He wants Dorothy to move in with him and be his bride. Uh. Oh. So that’s something else to be concerned about once everyone gets fully back on this streets. Note to self: do not marry the first person you talk to.
Dorothy tells Jimmy that the feeling is not mutual. Jimmy becomes depressed and doubles down on self-isolation.
Note to self: do not put all your eggs in one basket. Expect rejection from the “love” your trauma-bonded brain tells you that you’re experiencing. GET BACK ON THE HORSE.
Jimmy refuses to speak to Dorothy the next time she drops off his food, so she seduces him by slowly listing the names of the Chicago Seven in a bedroom voice. Geeeez Baby Boomers, am I right?
Jimmy confides in her that he would really love to shop for his own groceries, so she convinces him to go to the store with her — where he just so happens to be the one millionth customer. There are many streamers! Balloons! And a grand prize trip to Mardi Gras! But Jimmy runs away immediately because woah what an overwhelming reintroduction to the world.
Dorothy returns home defeated, only to find Jimmy minutes later at her door with a sweater she left behind at his place. Dorothy’s generosity has convinced him that he would like to rejoin society. He’s even willing to go to a counselor if she will give him a ride.
Very Special Lesson: Hmmm this seems like a very inaccurate depiction of agoraphobia. But I do think it seems like an accurate depiction of someone who is just a little socially anxious after self-isolation. But if Martin Mull could walk to The Golden Girls House in Miami heat after 22 years inside his apartment, I can probably get back on the subway someday.
Hello! Happy Saved by the Bell Day! I did a cursory Google search and I’m honestly not sure if this holiday is anything more than an attempt to sell sandwiches but hell, we need something to celebrate in 2020!
On that note, let’s talk about gender roles. This episode is from very early in the series, airing way way back in 1989. Zack’s voice hasn’t even changed! Like I think I just heard it crack.
Anyway, they’re all adorable babies. Who for some reason need to spend a class learning about what it’s like to be married? WHAT???
Anyway, curious to know if this was like a “real thing” that people did in school back in the days of home economics. Also curious to know if taking care of an egg in order to be a “good parent” was a real thing.
Okay, so the kids are paired off into “marriages” — this is as heteronormative as you would expect. The couples are (I’m sure you can guess) as follows: -Zack/Kelly -Slater/Jessie -Screech/Lisa
True to form, Jessie and Slater’s relationship is immediately contentious. Jessie won’t take Slater’s last name and he says that one of the important parts of a relationship is “great legs.”
As per usual, Screech is creepy stalking Lisa throughout most of this episode. This causes her to have night terror in which she cannot escape him. Freddy Krueger take note. Incidentally, I have to imagine this is Lark Voorhies felt for much of her time on the show acting opposite Dustin Diamond.
Alright, so the true plot of this episode comes from the weird stuff they’re required to do during class for their “marriages.” This involves running through scenarios…while Principal Belding grades them on how they behave in their “marriages”…I’m sorry…what? This doesn’t feel like it should be legal.
Of course, this turns into Jessie and Slater fighting again. She’s trying to get him to help with the household chores. He’s trying to get her to call him “Tiger Man.” Jessie tells the principal that Slater, “doesn’t want a wife. He wants a maid.” So it seems like this is the point in time where Principal Belding should be “helping” them solve this issue, right? Nah, he just says, “that’s a problem you two will have to work out.”
Up next are Kelly and Zack. Kelly asks Principal Belding to refer to her as Mrs. Morris. Barf. The scenario is that she must tell Zach she has wrecked his car. HIS car? Are they married or not? Is this car a joint asset or NOT? Anyway, Zack pretty much just tries to seduce her the whole time. He’s trying to get her to make out in class. It’s A LOT.
Screech and Lisa are up next. Their scenario is that Screech has been fired and Lisa must comfort him. She responds by doing an offensive impression of a Spanish speaking maid and Screech mistakes this for German. The stress of all this causes Lisa to develop a literal allergy to Screech. Fearing the risk of anaphylaxis, Principal Belding annuls their “marriage.”
If you thought that everything up until this point was extremely strange and disturbing, I would have to agree with you. I’m also not sure how to warn you or prepare you for what comes next, so I’m just going to jump right into it.
Evidently, there are other kids in the class who are not assigned to “marriages.” These kids sit in desk and watch this whole mess unfold. Then Belding tells the “couples” tha tthey will now select children, played by their classmates, Let’s Make a Deal-style. I’ll pause here until your head stops spinning.
Zack and Kelly end up selecting Screech while Slater and Jessie pick Lisa. Cut to: Screech writing Lisa’s name in toothpaste on the mirror in the boy’s bathroom. WHY WAS THERE NOT A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR AT THIS SCHOOL?
Slater discovers Screech as he begins his slow evolution on the path to becoming the next Green River Killer and offers to help him out by pressuring Lisa into dating him because she “has to listen to her Daddy” in order to get a good grade. Annnnndd I’m going vomit EVERYWHERE.
This transaction involves some kind of quid pro quo, but we cut away after Screech offers to teach Slater how to (literally) inhale a slurpy. I assume this wasn’t the offer Slater was looking for, so I’m not sure where they landed.
In a shock to absolutely no one, Zack is a terrible father. This upsets Kelly, so she and Zack split up. I assume this was how their actual marriage unraveled, unless their Vegas wedding ended in a quickie divorce before they even had kids.
Honestly, this episode could have been titled “Slater is Trash” because he’s trying to manipulate Kelly now by pretending to be a “good father” to Lisa. This is back in the early days of the show when Slater was trying to date Kelly. They must have seriously rewritten his character after she and Zack got together because Slater is truly awful in this episode. And I am UPSET about it.
Anyway, in his ploy to get an IRL date with Kelly, Slater has agreed to be a stay at home dad with Jessie and take the last name of Spano-Slater.
When Lisa still refuses to go out with Screech — because no grade is worth that — Screech announces to the class that he broke up his “parents” because Slater promised him that Lisa would go out with him.
All of the boys end up in the principal’s office and somehow a thirty second conversation turns into a genuine change of heart. They apologize and ask to continue the project. Belding says he will only allow this with the girl’s permission. They agree and they all go on a creepy family dinner date at The Max.
Slater orders for Jessie at dinner because he thinks that’s what’s men do. Jessie tells him a “real man wouldn’t be threatened by a woman who knows what she wants.” He responds by saying, “You’re really a great girl, but I think we should break up before I send you to the moon” — a callback to a 1950’s joke about spousal abuse.
Meanwhile, Zack and Kelly reconcile. Somehow Screech has ended up under the table with his head stuck “on a platter.” I don’t even want to know. Kelly closes the lid and decides that all marriages need some alone time. Wtf. This was so weird. I can’t. I cannot even comment.
I am truly so sorry for that visual. I simply didn’t know how to use words to describe this. Please know that I truly understand if you hate me forever because of it.
Very Special Lesson: Uhhh. Maybe virtual learning isn’t so bad. At least you would probably be in the vicinity and could shut this toxic shit down if you kid was unfortunate enough to attend Bayside High.
**Also sorry for posting this so late. Hopefully it’s still Saved by the Day at least on the west coast by the time I post this!
A few years ago, I posted about a lost very special episode of Hey Dude. On Saturday Night, I got a notification that a podcasted aptly titled Hugging and Learning had used my post as a source for their recent episode, “Saved by the Cowbell” — once again awesome title.
The portion of the podcast I’m writing this follow up post in response to involves the character Danny Lightfoot, a member of the Hopi Nation, portrayed by Joe Torres. Let me pause here and acknowledge that this casting and the way the show’s creators have since described it could be its own separate post entirely. According to Michael Koegel in the book Slimed!: An Oral History of Nickelodeon’s Golden Age, when casting the show “we fudged it because Joe Torres was really Mexican-American. He had a little American-Indian blood in him, but once you get into that part of the country, there’s a fine line between what’s an American Indian and what’s a Mexican Indian. It’s a cultural divide.” This book was published in 2013 and even though it is an oral history, I am struck by how glib this statement is, right down to the “what’s” instead of “who’s”. And in case it needed clarification, tribal sovereignty is much more than a “cultural divide.”
In all fairness, I did not dive into the casting (nor did I research it) in my original post and it doesn’t appear to come up in the discussion between hosts Chelsea and Andrew on the podcast either, though I may have missed it. However, as anyone would in 2020, Chelsea and Andrew immediately zero in on the incredibly problematic line Danny says to describe why he would not go drinking with his coworker Melody’s brother. If you’re listening to the podcast, this section starts at about 24:52.
For those of you who haven’t read the original post, I’ve included a screenshot below for the section in question.
There is so very much to unpack here. The first of which is that I’d like to clarify that “betrayed” is my word. Chelsea refers to this in the podcast, but she attributes that word to the character (before she quotes the same section I quoted in the original post). To be clear, Chelsea says, “He had a friend of the family that he says betrayed all of them by becoming quote another Indian with a drinking problem.”
The text from the show is actually as follows, “it felt like he let us all down.” So here’s where this gets sticky and where I want to be very clear because this podcast is using a lot of my phrasing. Anything in the screenshot above that I did not directly quote came from me, not the show.
My interpretation of the line reading was that Danny and his community felt “betrayed” and I chose that word in 2017 because of my personal experiences with alcoholism and perhaps that’s unfair for me to apply to this situation. However, alcoholism runs in my family and I was very strict about experimentation (or lack there of) as a teenager because I personally would have felt that I betrayed my family if I were to become another member of the family with an alcohol problem: betrayed the experiences and examples of my ill family members; betrayed the expectations of my immediate family; betrayed the family name at large in our community. I don’t know what the writers intended, but Danny’s sentiment of not wanting to let anyone down or in essence “betray” them resonated with me. The most glaring difference here being that my perfectionism was self-imposed and Danny’s was the result of generations of oppression following a genocide.
Chelsea then goes on to say that, “He basically lays it out like therefore I can never drink because that would make me a stereotype, which is like a really weird thing for a writer to put into the mouth of a character who’s, I’m guessing, ethnic group they don’t share. You know what I mean? Like part of me is sort of like wow okay we like got culturally heavy here for a second.”
Once again, that “culturally heavy” is my interpretation of the actor’s line reading, one that Chelsea and Andrew appear to agree with. But I want to take this one step further and tell you exactly what I meant by that in 2017 because I didn’t lay it out and I should have.
To me, one of most devastating aspects of racism on a micro level is that individuals do not feel permission to express a full range of emotions, and there are often devastating consequences should they choose to do so. My interpretation of Danny’s statement is not that the show unfairly “puts” this desire to avoid “stereotypical” (and wholly untrue) behavior “into his mouth” so to speak, but rather that this statement reflects the innermost thoughts of a young man who is not afforded the opportunity to make mistakes in the same way that Melody’s white brother is.
I do think this is an appropriate conversation to have. I do not think this is a “weird” statement for Danny to say because the pressure this character feels is very real and very relevant. He in fact states, “I don’t think there’s anyway I could have gone with Billy, even if I wanted to.”
What I find to be inappropriate in this episode and, more accurately, harmful is that this statement is said and dropped. Within this episode, there is no unpacking of Danny’s feelings or the systemic pressure that created them. There is no acknowledgment of the immense unfairness in the simple fact that he cannot make a mistake even if he wants to.
I wrote “culturally heavy” and I figured people would get it. But maybe what I should have written was “personally heavy” because we personally carry the pain of our cultures and for minority communities that pain is more than any individual should bear.
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor.” — Anne Lamott
Wow oh wow I cannot believe we haven’t spoken since pre-pandemic times, Very Special Readers! I just don’t have it in me to poke fun at sitcoms right now. My whole vantage point has changed! What I wouldn’t give to crawl into Growing Pains and let Daddy Seaver tell me he’s proud of me for not doing cocaine in the bathroom of another suburban home. Can you imagine the LUXURY of that simple life???
Anyway, what I have been doing is getting busy in the kitchen. Yes, yes ME the person who six years ago could not crack an egg! So what happened is I ordered this fancy ice cream bowl from Williams-Sonoma. And then I found out it was backordered. I know there’s a pandemic, so I’m not blaming anyone but finding out something is backordered after you hand over your money is a real bummer. What’s an even bigger bummer is finding out that item is non-refundable even though they cannot actually send it to you. So I was like screw this fancy ice cream bowl, I’m just going to freeze a metal mixing bowl and prove that it works just as well…and you know what…it did!
I used this recipe from the Minimalist Baker. I didn’t have vanilla bean so I just used a little more vanilla extract than the recipe called for. I let my coconut milk chill for 24 hours but I do think 48 hours would have been better. I ended up sacrificing a little fat closer to the bottom of the can because it hadn’t fully separated from the water down there.
Here are some photos for your viewing pleasure:
But listen, I’m not going to leave you hanging. I know you come here for a little nostalgia and a little (okay, a lot of) snark, so I did some research and here are some sitcom related ice cream things:
I learned from Michael’s TV Tray that there areTWO SEPARATE sundae holidays in this country. There’s a lot we’re not doing right but at least we have two separate sundae holidays over here! *crying emoji* *grimace emoji* Anyway, here in America we have the opportunity to celebrate National Sundae Day or, for those of you who prefer your ice cream with toppings, National Hot Fudge Sundae Day.
You can head on over to Michael’s TV Tray to learn all about Saved by the Bell’s girl group “Hot Fudge Sundae” which like serious wtf that was the name? Idk I forgot because I was so distracted by Jessie’s caffeine pill addiction. If that’s not up your alley, maybe you’d prefer to read about the time Marcia Brady worked at an ice cream store.
If you’re like, no no no listen I came here to learn about an entirely NEW show that’s EXCLUSIVELY about ice cream right down to the show name and it NEEDS to be from the 1980s and bonus points if I have NEVER heard of it, then yes, I also have you covered:
Once upon a time there was a television series called Rocky Road. (Pause for laughter.) The series is about a group of siblings, ranging in age from twelve to twenty-two, who takeover the family ice cream business after their parents die. So it’s like Party of Five but much, much worse. According to John Carmen, who was assigned the unfortunate task of reviewing this show way back in 1985 for The Atlanta Journal and The Atlanta Constitution, “Watching these made-for-WTBS comedies is getting to be like shopping the generic food aisle at the supermarket. The unadorned cans and boxes are supposed to contain real edibles, but you can’t help having misgivings.”
Finally, I present to you some of the troubling episode titles from the show’s three season run: “Knives Near the Water”; “Sister Was a Centerfold”; “Jess, You Is My Mother Now”; “Why Frank Senior Can’t Read.” So it seems like there’s a lot to unpack there.
Anyway, hope you’re all hanging in there! If I can make ice cream, you can too!
Joey hasn’t had a date in while, so Danny and Jesse decide to set him up with a lady. Really this shouldn’t be shocking because he’s a grown man who randomly lives in the basement of his friend’s house. On top of that, I’m not even sure that he has a job at this point in the show. But fine I’ll pretend to care about Joey for this episode.
But first, I’m obsessed with Stephanie’s outfit here, so please leave me a note in the comments if you see this jacket in an adult size. Thank you in advance.
Joey spends the afternoon calling everyone he’s been out with that year to see if anyone is free for New Year’s Eve. This is the 1990 equivalent of getting a “hey” text several months later from a guy you regrettably hooked up much earlier in the year and have since forgotten about. NOT that I’m speaking from experience.
Joey — sad that he has no date but apparently unaware of the negative effect his denim shirt with Babar appliqué has on his relationship status — offers to stay home with Michelle and Stephanie on New Year’s Eve, so that Danny, Jesse, and DJ can go to parties. This prompts Danny and Jesse to find Joey a date. This also marks the last point in the episode in which there is any semblance of ethical or personal boundaries between these three grown-ass men. Should be a fun episode!
The two of them decide to sign Joey up for a video dating service without him knowing. To trick him into sitting for the video, Danny calls Joey up to the attic, where Jesse has hidden a secret camera in an ad for toothpaste. (So I guess this is the point in the series where Jesse and Joey are writing jingles. My bad for calling Joey unemployed earlier on.)
Danny and Jesse act super strangely, which freaks Joey out. He notices they’re “talking to the easel” but doesn’t see the big circular cutout in front of the camera lens. He endures the weirdness just long enough for Danny and Jesse to get what they need on tape. When they come clean, Joey is made for literally two seconds. When Jesse tells Joey there are plenty of women who want to meet him, Joey gets over the massive violation of his privacy pretty quickly.
The prospects aren’t great though. And what follows is a PG version of the club scene from Coming to America. But then we get to Christine’s part of the video. Her friends have signed her up for this for Christmas and she’s kind of skeptical about the whole thing. She seems cool, so Joey invites her over to the house for New Year’s Eve dinner. I mean, I would have told DJ that she couldn’t go to Kimmie’s party, but I guess it’s fine to bring a first date over to dinner when you’re a grown man babysitting…(And just so you know I’m not a total jerk, Joey only agreed to babysit in the first place because DJ wanted to bail on her babysitting plans and go to Kimmie’s party next door instead).
Unfortunately, Joey’s gotten a little obsessed with the idea of Christine. He’s decided she’s “the one” based on a five second video in which she said literally nothing about herself. But they do appear to hit it off pretty quickly. She’s even fine with babysitting three kids.Oh yeah, I should mention that Danny’s date also left her son behind for babysitting. He’s creepy and has breath spray even though he’s like eight years old. Please see below: Steph has a pro-tip for dealing with this and I’m happy to share it with all of you –
Everyone arrives home in time to ring in the New Year, and Joey proposes to Christine. Even more bizarrely, she says yes. They decide to pack and go get married in Tahoe. In the time it takes Christine to go home and pack, they both decide that they don’t want to get married.
Very Special Lesson for the New Year: Eh I mean honestly, it’s just one day.
Happy fifth night of Hanukkah, Very Special Readers! Here we are in the final season of The Nanny. Fran is finally married to Maxwell, and she gets to host a Hanukkah celebration with her new family. Also this episode marks Ray Charles’s final appearance on the show–because Ray Charles had a recurring role on The Nanny???? You learn something new every day.
Sadly, Maxwell has to go out of town for business. CeCe is going too but she and her long-standing enemy, Niles are “in love” by this point in the show, so I’m glad to see her gone. (He gives her a lemon Pledge soaked handkerchief to remember him by because he’s a butler and evidently that’s his dominant personality trait in the relationship ughhh). And for some reason the youngest child, Grace, goes to Boston with CeCe and Maxwell. Is she like a theater producer in training? I have no idea. I’m only just now realizing that the last season of this show wasn’t great and evidently I haven’t seen many episodes of it.
Fran is very upset that her stepdaughter and husband have left town on the first night of Hanukah. We learn (via flashback where Fran plays a younger version of her mother) that It’s very important to her that they celebrate this night together because she never spent the holidays with her family as a kid.
Meanwhile, in the car to Boston everyone is crabby. We learn (again via flashback) that young Maxwell puts business before family because that’s what his father (played by grown Maxwell) did when he was a child. We also learn that young Maxwell and young Niles played together as children! (Mostly because Maxwell’s father was neglecting him but aw that’s still a cute backstory!)
Realizing his mistake, Maxwell decides to turn back. He phones Fran from the car to let her know he will be coming home for Hanukkah. While they’re on the phone, Fran hears Maxwell crash the car mid-blizzard. So what I’m trying to say is that this sitcom has dramatically increased the stakes with only ten minutes remaining, And no, this isn’t a two-parter.
Meanwhile back in the car, (it’s The Nanny, they’re obviously not injured you guys), CeCe tries to sing for entertainment. It’s not very pleasant and luckily we cut away quickly. Maxwell determines they have enough gas in the car to run the heat for an hour.
I suppose because they’re anxiously awaiting news or the return of Maxwell’s car — Fran and her best friend Val are waiting outside of the townhouse in the freezing cold. Fran prays to God for help and a nun appears. Fran assumings that God must have gotten confused because of her new last name (hehe).
Fran and the nun pray together and wow–I guess she was right to wait outside! — Maxwell appears! He actually had enough gas to run the car for eight hours and was able to make it all the way home. It’s a Hanukkah miracle! Literally and figuratively!
They end up celebrating the first night of Hanukkah on the second night. And then Ray Charles plays “Home for the Holidays.” I think he’s dating Fran’s grandma. Is that what’s happening here? Someone more familiar with this show, please weigh-in on the comments. Was Ray Charles even an actor? Was he just moonlighting on the The Nanny near the end of his life for fun? I need to know more about this odd turn in his career!!
Let me start off by saying, I would 100% prefer the nerves I feel re-acclimating to society as NYC continues to reopen to the 
Even though he shouldn’t have to (because he’s on the freaking food recipient list) he tells Dorothy that he hasn’t left his apartment in twenty-two years, so that she will let him keep his damn food!
Jimmy confides in her that he would really love to shop for his own groceries, so she convinces him to go to the store with her — where he just so happens to be the one millionth customer. There are many streamers! Balloons! And a grand prize trip to Mardi Gras! But Jimmy runs away immediately because woah what an overwhelming reintroduction to the world.
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