Girl Meets Goodbye

Girl Meets World aired their series finale last night. You all know how I feel about this show, so I may as well have called this post Girl Meets Good Riddance. But I am excited to post about it because this is finally the episode with the gigantic Boy Meets World reunion!! (Including both Morgan’s!! Cannot wait to see how they do that!)


The episode starts off with Maya asking Riley if Topanga has made a decision about taking a job in London (meaning the entire family will move away from New York City). Cory teaches some overbearing lesson to the class about “Belgium 1831” and how it’s all like what they’re going through (namely, what HIS kid is going through) right now. UGH these kids better not be Millennials. We don’t need anyone else accusing us of being self-centered like this! When were these children born? They better be in a different generation! (Ugh, crap. Apparently Millennials were born all the way until 2004. We’ll I’d just like to divest the late 80’s/early 90’s babies from that set, PLEASE.)

So Topanga assembles everyone important to her to bounce around some ideas. (This includes former school bully/current school janitor, Harley. And Minkus…who we didn’t even seen for the last several years of Boy Meets World, but I guess he’s kind of a big deal now because he’s Farkle’s dad.)

Morgan_Matthews(s).pngAs far as both Morgan’s are concerned, they address them both as Morgan. Both as “their sisters.” This is horrible. I REALLY REALLY dislike this. Also, Mr. Turner isn’t even here. This episode super sucks. Oh wait, jk. He literally just walked through the door.

The only cool thing is you get to see Feeny and Eric talk. They’re still funny together. Also, Shawn announces he’s going to adopt Maya. Topanga is mad because she wants to talk about the job offer and she feels like they’re stealing her thunder. Uh, sorry Topanga. A kid just gained a dad today, you jerk.

The Morgan’s offer Cory and Topanga’s youngest kid some advice. They tag-team out mid conversation. This is weird. Maya is really sad and she says that Riley won’t leave because they belong together, but then Josh comes over to talk with all of them and Maya decides that life is replacing Riley with Josh (because she’s a self-centered person who gives a bad name to us older Millennials). They all say they hope to get to keep being themselves and blah blah blah.

Oh, whoops, guess what! Topanga decides they won’t move!! (So really they totally ripped off the end of That 70’s Show where they think they’ll sell the house and move but then they actually don’t. Is this a trope? How many other shows have done this?)

Ugh, now we’re back to Corey talking about “Belgium 1831” and how it applies to their small little lives again. Like seriously, there are like 5 kids in this class who ever cared about the move and the other 12 kids must be so pissed. If my kid had a teacher who taught around 5 kids, I would be calling the PTA like crazy. Cory must be really taking advantage of tenure.

Then there’s a flashback to Cory’s last monologue from Boy Meets World (to original Josh, who I think is the show creator’s son). Now, THAT was a good finale. And then we return to Girl Meets World. As they wrap up their chat inside Topanga’s bakery, a patron comes in and I am 99% sure that he is the grown up version of that OG Josh. By the way OG Josh is a lot older than replacement Josh. They like definitely aged that character down. And then that’s the end! This writing is so bad, it’s literally just the nostalgia factor that kept this show going. OMG it HAS to be. So yep, good riddance.

Anyhow, if you made it all the way end to this crappy post about a crappy show, tell me in the comments which Morgan you liked better on Boy Meets World. I’m team OG Morgan, Lily Nicksay.


Boy Meets World: Who’s Afraid of Cory Wolf?

bmw-s2-castIt’s a dark and stormy night, as Cory sits at his desk in the suburbs of Philadelphia. He writes with a quill pen, stolen from his mother’s feather duster, carefully documenting his transformation from teenage boy to WEREWOLF. (cue eerie music).

It all started the night before when Mr. Feeney told Cory that a wolf had escaped from the Philadelphia Zoo. Feeney warns him not to put the Matthews Family trash outside, but Corey doesn’t listen. And that’s when the wolf bites him. Only the next day, there is no bite mark. This can only mean that the bite came from a werewolf because your standard, run-of-the-mill wolf would definitely leave a mark.

boy-meetsThe next day he’s hairier. Eric tell him that this could be the first signs of a werewolf transformation. He shows him a tabloid newspaper and Corey takes it seriously. After hearing about werewolf sitings on the radio, Cory seeks out the help of a medium. She mistakes him for Billy Joel at first, but she does confirm that Cory is well on his way to becoming a full-on wolf. She paints a picture of what’s to come:
Corey will develop an insatiable appetite. He will develop a pentagram in the palm of his hand. He will descend into madness and gruesomely kill the girl who “cares for him.” (Topanga, duh. But Cory doesn’t think she likes him, so he’s not worried.)

Meanwhile, Mr Turner is busy teaching Lord of the Flies. Cory arrives late, having spent too much time having his fortune told, and is given three days of detention. When Mr. Turner catches him writing a note to Shawn, Cory’s first instinct is to eat the paper. But he’s horrified to realize that an urge to eat paper just might be that new appetite he’s developing because of the wolf thing.

hqdefaultMr. Turner asks to see Cory after class. So Cory sits down on Mr. Turner’s desk and picks up his keys. I guess he feels more familiar since Mr. Turner is basically Shawn’s dad. Mr. Turner has a pentagon key chain, which Cory apparently thinks is the same thing as a pentagram. He runs away and bumps into Topanga, who says that she can tell him if something is wrong because she cares about him. OH NO!

Desperate, Cory returns to the medium. She tells him he won’t kill Topanga until the full moon, which unfortunately happens to be that very night. Cory begs her to tell him how he can stop himself. Apparently, all he has to do is have someone he loves shoot him through the heart with a silver bullet. Woah. This just got reaaaal dark.

960Things reach a fever pitch when Cory asks his dad to throw a silver picture frame at him “really, really hard.” Cory’s dad tells him that he’s not turning into a werewolf and it’s probably just the beginning of puberty. But Cory resists and tells him that he’s definitely turning into a canine. His dad says maybe it’s time to start shaving and goes upstairs to get a razor. At which point, Cory looks at himself in the mirror and sees a werewolf staring back at him.

ecc9e0808e7f5208ec7727a79203a4b2So now here we are, where we started, with Cory writing his manifesto in ink, using a piece of a feather duster. Topanga then shows up, ready to go to the Halloween party. Cory tries to get rid of her before the full moon rises. But Topanga is confused by his freakout and tells him that he’s perfectly normal and needs to chill the eff out. (I’m paraphrasing.)

Cory’s all like, “I’m not a wolf! I’m not a wolf!” And then they share a kiss. And Topanga’s all like, “Yes, you are!” Lol, guyyyys he was never turning into a monster at all!

Very Special Halloween Lesson: Okay, this was really just about puberty. One really dramatic stress-response to hormonal changes.

Side Note: We’ve talked about Teen Witch. Do we need to Talk about Teen Wolf?

Girl Meets Ski Lodge, Part 2

maxresdefaultRiley and the front-desk guy (Evan) are still talking on the window seat bench as the sunrises. Riley freaks out and says that her parents “can never know.” And then front desk guy says, “You can never know.” And then Cory and Topanga pop up from behind one of the ski lodge couches. Wait what?? This is is so creepy and I’m totally freaked out on behalf of Riley. I’ve heard of helicopter parents but this is some next level shit.

girl-meets-world-ski-lodge-2-340x300They too have stayed up all night talking. (Probably more like covertly whispering as they eavesdropped on their kid and her new friend.) They said they wanted to “see what the big deal was.” So Riley asks them how it was. And Topanga basically says it was great and now she likes Cory more. And so Cory says to Riley, “What about you, Riley. Is it a big deal?”

This has got to be the worst way to grow up. This kid never gets to try anything on her own without her parents lurking about with some heavy handed lesson. What is your problem, Cory? Amy and Alan never did you like this!

As Riley tries to head back upstairs, she realizes that all of her classmates are waking up and heading downstairs. And Lucas is pissed that she’s been talking all night with a new guy.

But let me say something positive for once. The girl who plays Maya is hilarious. Her comedic delivery is so on point and I like that they’re playing up that side of her character. In fact, if she was Cory & Topanga’s kid then I’d probably watch this on the regular. Actually, wouldn’t that have been a more interesting show? Cory & Topanga have a Shawn-like kid?

Maya tries to talk Lucas out of his funk, encouraging him not to give Riley such a hard time. Riley sees them chatting and notices some chemistry. She decides to talk with her Uncle Josh about the situation. Then they have this meandering conversation about how Maya has given up herself to become like Riley because she loves Riley so much? Or like wants to feel protected? Or is having a hard time? I don’t know. I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent person, but I had so much trouble following this. I think that it’s most likely one of those things that shows do to try to make kids think that there’s some heavy subject matter at hand when the real answer is mostly that Maya’s a teenager who spends way too much time with one other person and doesn’t really have a strong family life. So she probably has a weird sense of identity right now and will grow out of it like we all do. One of my major complaints with this show is that these characters straight up do not talk like real people.

“Why do we like the same boy,” Riley asks for a second time. Oh right, that’s all that matters here. So then Josh says to Riley that they do not in fact like the same boy. You see, Maya’s only been “liking” Lucas to protect Riley. It seems that Maya and Riley have this realization at the same time, so they head over to the window seat to chat about it. Maya shares that she wanted to be like Riley in order to “make sure what she was feeling” and she wants to make sure Lucas is the right guy for her.

Woah, okay. So many bad boundaries here. I know they’re fourteen and they’re probably too stupid to know about boundaries, but this actually seems like a good time for Cory & Topanga to intervene. So they can let their kid talk all night to a stranger while they listen in the wings, but they can’t teach their kid and her friend about healthy relationships?? Oh yeah…I guess the kind of parents who spy on their children are probably not the best teachers of healthy relationships.

ski-lodge-rilaya-girl-meets-world-500x281Alas, the only answer lies in the notorious book, “The Official Guide of Who Belongs With Who,” which Cory of course remembers from 20 years earlier. He urges them not to play, but for once these virtuous children do not listen to him. Good. This is getting more interesting. Also, this is the “next generation” edition of this book, so it’s not even the same one that Cory knows.

Everyone breaks off into smaller groups: Lucas is pissed and like wants to beat up a tree so his friend goes with him to stop him, Maya grabs Josh by the arm and drags him to the damn window seat, and that leaves Smackle & Farkle with Evan. They grab the book from him and realize it is the exact same book that Cory knows. Evan was making up the questions. He explains himself to be they’re like romance spirit-guide/guru. I don’t know. This dude a creep in my opinion. All of these kids should head back home to the city ASAP.

Okay, Josh is actually a cool guy. He’s really observant (which he attributes to being so much younger than his siblings and growing up watching them). He tells Maya that she’s a really cool person but she is taking on too much of Riley’s personality to be protective. So Maya kind of gets it now. She like kind of got it earlier with Riley but now she understands exactly what she was doing. And now she’s herself again. (Ugh, I guess. I don’t know. It’s been a while since I was a teenager but I don’t remember it working quite like this.) Maya also says that she loves Riley and would never want anything that she wanted.

Josh says, “that’s a really adult way of thinking.” Okay Josh, you’re a nice guy, but I respectfully disagree. This girl literally just told you that she assumed her friend’s personality for an extended period of time and is just now “herself” again. I don’t find that very adult. And if it’s the part about not wanting to steal your friend’s boyfriend, then I’m pretty sure that’s basic protocol for all ages. Either way, I guess she is maturing. Finally, Josh and Maya agree to play “the long game,” which I assume means revisiting this when Maya is also 18 or older. Screen Shot 2016-07-30 at 10.01.42 AM

Wait. Time out. I just looked up their character on the Girl Meets World wikia. (I know. Sad.) And Josh is only 17? And Maya is like 15? Why did they bring a 17 year old boy to chaperone a 15 year old girl? That’s so cruel to both of them! I thought he was like in college or something. Scratch everything I’ve written before. This is once again, all Cory & Topanga’s fault. Also, why can’t Josh just take Maya to prom and be done with this? Or did they advance his age or something? Omg, I don’t know and I’m over it.

So then Lucas asks Riley out, finally. He also gives her a jelly bean in a ring box. It means something to them, I guess. I don’t understand. This is high drama and I’ve never so dramatically been asked on a date. Omg then Riley gives him that damn leaf that floated in through the window. But also she asks him to think of buying a sandwich for her when he buys a sandwich for himself. I really appreciate that she’s brining this up because it’s my primary need in a relationship as well.

Cut to: creepy Evan thinking he made all of this happen. Or “guided” them to it or whatever. OMG HE IS LINDA CARDELLINI’S SON. Or like the character she played, rather. So he’s like the positive version of her character?

Very Special Lesson: Omg, you are teenagers in New York City. Calm the eff down and stop taking yourselves so seriously. Go hang out on St. Mark’s Place like every other kid your age.

Girl Meets Ski Lodge

This episode starts off with a brief recap of “Heartbreak Cory.” I haven’t covered this episode, so I’m going to direct you over to Sleepoverz if you want more details on the original. What’s particularly odd about this “recap” is that it consists of Riley telling all of her classmates about how her dad cheated on her mom at a ski lodge when they were in high school. And they’re all actually interested in this for some odd reason. I’m so glad that I don’t have any details on my parents high school dating lives or their dating lives in general. And in a total lack of parent/teacher boundaries as well as a total lack of creative originality, Cory offers this heavy-handed foreshadowing:Screen Shot 2016-07-23 at 7.39.16 PMScreen Shot 2016-07-23 at 7.39.33 PMScreen Shot 2016-07-23 at 7.39.44 PMScreen Shot 2016-07-23 at 7.39.56 PM

Okay then…Cory has also invited Topanga to come along with the “Nature Club” on their field trip to Mount Sun Lodge as a chaperone. He’s also invited his little brother Josh to chaperon who Riley’s bff Maya seems to want to date? I’ve clearly missed some backstory here but I think that’s a thing. Too bad he didn’t invite Screen Shot 2016-07-23 at 7.47.56 PMEric to chaperone because I’m pretty sure that’s the only person I’m actually remotely interested in watching. But I guess Maya also knows she cannot date Josh since he’s an adult and she’s a child, and thus she and Riley both want to date Lucas. Ugh I don’t know. I don’t remember having a friendship where my best girlfriend and I both fell in love with our best boyfriend because I’m pretty sure friendships with those kind of stakes don’t usually last to long. But whatever. We should all know by now that this show isn’t very realistic.

There’s a scene jump and suddenly Riley has a walking boot on and is sitting alone in the bay wade at the lodge. Everyone else returns from a hike and there’s some sexual tension between Maya and Lucas. Then Riley tells them that the leaf that blew in through the bay window as she sat alone thinking is a sign that the “triangle needs to die” ughhhhhh.

There’s like six movies to pick from for movie night, yet everyone is more interested in watching Maya, Riley, and Lucas try to figure out their love triangle. Lucas suggests that they all imagine what their lives would be like together. Lucas’s life with Maya is a James Bond-esque movie. Here’s something somebody made on YouTube:

Riley’s life with Lucas is boring and pretty but the Maya ruins her fantasy by saying that she’s a doctor and she’s diagnosed them all with fatal Gooey-Sap Disease (G.S.D.) Blah. Fine. Obviously, we’re not working to a weird solution here.

So then they acknowledge that all they’ve done here is waste 30 minutes of our time so that they could make this a much-buzzed-about 2-part episode. Everyone else goes to bed but Topanga let’s Riley stay up (alone and unchaperoned! special rules for the teachers kid!) and watch the night sky in the bay window. But then a cute guy comes in to work the night shift at the front desk. They drink hot cocoa and he seems like a romantic too. To be continued…

Very Special Lesson: Isn’t there a girl-code where you just both agree not to date the same guy? Why is this even a thing?? Also, am I supposed to root for team Riley-Front-Desk-Guy or feel like this is the beginning of a Law and Order: SVU episode??

Chopped: Sitcom Moms

600x600bb-85I’m going into uncharted territory here, Very Special Readers! This post covers food-blogging. Is that what you call it? Or cooking blogging? Cooking is not something I know much about, but if anyone can pull me out of my blogging comfort-zone then it’s Jackée Harry and Betsy Randle.

I’m more of a Cupcake Wars fan myself, but Chopped drew me in with this “sitcom mom” episode. Shout out to my boyfriend for interrupting my Disney Vacation to tell me this was on TV, but I had to track down the youtube link on my own when he falsely told me it was “live TV.”

The Contestants:
Tichina Arnold from Everybody Hates Chris
Betsy Randle from Boy Meets World
Jo Marie Payton from Family Matters
Jackée Harry from Sister, Sister

The Appetizer Round:
The Ingredients:
TV Dinners, Portobello Mushrooms, Fresh Spinach, Sour Cream

cqf-o6bu8aalqwwWhat I would have made: TV Dinner with diced mushrooms mixed in. Spinach and Sour Cream pudding. (Maybe saying cooking was “not something I know much about” is vast underestimation.)

What they made:
Tichina- Spinach salad (mushrooms, olive oil, fresh lemon, balsamic vinegar)
Jackée- Sautéed TV Dinner with Spinach
Jo Marie- Sautéed Mushrooms with Cajun Stuffing
Betsy- Mushroom and turkey casserole with garlic mashed potatoes on bed of spinach drizzled with champagne vinaigrette.

mv5bmjexodkzmti3nl5bml5banbnxkftztgwnda0njq5nje-_v1_uy1200_cr48506301200_al_Backstage: All of the moms are pretty disgusted that they had to use TV Dinners. Tichina hates this especially because she is competing for her Lupus charity and learned how to cook with fresh foods when her sister was diagnosed.

Who Got Chopped: The judges chopped Jo Marie because her mushrooms were under-cooked and she dumped too many spices into the stuffing. But Jackée mentioned earlier that she loves Jo Marie’s cooking, so I feel like this just wasn’t her night.

The Entree Round:
The Ingredients: Minute Steak, Rainbow Carrots, Cream of Celery Soup, French Toast

What I would have made
Carrot and celery soup with a french toast steak sandwich.

What they made:
Betsy- Seared minute steak with french toast stuffing and deep-fried carrots
Jackée- Celery Steak avec Carrots
Tichina- Tichina’s Pepper Steak Carnivale

The screw-ups: I’m pretty sure that Tichina is drunk on wine at this point and she’s also trying to throw Jackée off by gas-lighting her into thinking she messed up her carrots. Betsy forgets to use the cream of celery soup. Jackée mistakes cilantro for parsley and uses it as garnish. So really, I’m feeling like maybe the sitcom moms don’t know much more about cooking than I do.

Who Got Chopped: Tichina got chopped for basically not altering 75% of the ingredients from the basket.

The Dessert Round:
The Ingredients: Tiramisu, bananas, strawberry sauce, and almonds.

What I would have Made: Yuck, banana! I would have pureed the heck out of that banana with the strawberry sauce to off-set some of the banana yuck. Then I’d deconstruct that tiramisu and food-process some almonds to mix into it. And then I guess I’d make some kind of tiramisu almond strawberry parfait thing. 

screen-shot-2015-10-07-at-2-24-03-amWhat they made:
Betsy- Vanilla ice cream sundae topped with a dollop of tiramisu and almond goop
Jackée- Off-beat banana flambé au strawberry

Who Got Chopped: Betsy. Turns out only one of the judges liked her goop, but ultimately they didn’t like that she left the bananas as “just bananas.”

The Winner: Jackée! And she’s giving $10,000 to the Thurgood Marshall College Fund.

Boy Meets World: Easy Street

There’s a lot of financial pressure around the mv5bmjg1odywnzgynf5bml5banbnxkftztgwnjk1otu2mje-_v1_uy268_cr870182268_al_holidays, and if you have the time you may be in the market for a seasonal job. And that’s how Cory ends up working for the mob.

Cory is a “gopher” at Little Paulie’s restaurant and Shawn is working “down at the docks” in a “union job.” Woah, how did a sixteen year-old kid land that as a Christmas job?

Meanwhile, Eric offers to drive Loni 500 miles so that she can spend Christmas with her family. Remember, Loni? She’s the cute blonde who worked at the Matthews’ outdoor store. Remember that store? Whatever happened to that store?

Shawn uses his 8:30 am lunch break to visit Cory. Who takes an 8:30 am lunch break, you ask? 16 year-olds who started working at 3 am in a clear violation of child labor laws. There’s no way this is a legit union job. Cory brags about his “cushy” job and even has Shawn come to the restaurant to visit him. That’s when Shawn notices that this restaurant is clearly run by mobsters.

hqdefault4Cory quits his job immediately and Shawn fills the vacancy. Shawn becomes so dedicated to his mob-job that he skips school to work longer shifts. “Jobs like this don’t come around very often,” he says. It turns out Shawn is of the high-risk teen population that would take a low-level position with the mob.

Yep, I bet you didn’t think you’d see a very special episode, let alone a very special holiday episode, dedicated to this sensitive subject. But that’s what’s so great about Boy Meets World. They’re not afraid to tackle the tough-stuff.

Shawn buys Cory a gorgeous and pricy watch for Christmas, but he’s gotten a taste of the good life and he’s thinking this shouldn’t be a Christmas-only job. That’s right. Shawn is looking to become a career criminal. I mean, based on his character development up until this point, I am not entirely surprised. But I didn’t think he was the organized-crime type. He has higher aspirations than I expected, and I have to commend him for that.

3844-4-12On Christmas Eve, the “restaurant owners” ask Shawn to deliver a box to a warehouse and bring back an envelope. They promise to find him “something a little more permanent” if he successfully completes this task. Cory meets Shawn at the warehouse and tries to get him to walk out on the middle of a job for the freaking-mafia. Are you trying to get him killed, Cory?? Also, are you stalking him? How did you find this sketch-ass warehouse? Do you even have a drivers license at this point??

Dude, Cory, at this point, Shawn needs to deliver that box and you need to get out of there and totally forget that you even know where that warehouse is. They do not deliver the box and in a Christmas miracle, the mob does not kill either of them.

P.S. Loni and Eric never make it to her parents’ house. They end up in a blizzard and Eric gives himself a concussion trying to get out of the car underneath 4 feet of snow.


Very Special Lesson: I can’t even come very-special-lesson this. I mean I feel like you should just never work for the mob, but I also feel like this episode painted a really unclear picture of what it’s like to work on the streets in organized crime syndicates. Also, I’ve just started watching The Wire so it’s quite possible that I am a little on edge right now. Happy Holidays!restaurant

5 Things I Learned from Danielle Fishel’s Memoir

Danielle Fishel’s memoir is super funny and a very quick read! You could probably knock this book out in a day or two, but it took me about a week because I do most of my reading at 11 pm right until my eyelids give out on me. Nevertheless, I did finish this book! And here are some of my favorite moments:

  1. She played Skipper in a live-action commercial for Mattel. I totally remembered seeing this as soon as I read about it. But when I turned to the internet to confirm my memories, I could not find the commercial. But in retrospect, I feel like they probably cast Danielle because of her really great hair.
  2. Justin Timberlake called her pretending to be Lance Bass because Lance was too nervous to call her himself. Also, Lance took her to a taping of Celine Dion’s Christmas Special on their first official date. And after prom, he gave her a set of gifts: a Barbie nightgown (referencing the commercial above), a Prada makeup bag, and a book on Taurus Birthdays (they’re both born in early May). And at no point in their relationship did it ever once crossed her mind that he might be gay.
  3. The BMW cast regularly goes over to Will Friedle’s house to catch up with each other. This was how she and Rider Strong learned that they were most likely getting married on the same weekend. And then Rider leaked that to the media and Danielle’s low-key wedding in downtown LA turned into an paparazzi event so whoops…
  4. She’s incredibly dedicated to her dogs. Like the phrase “animal lover” would not even being to cover it. This included adopting an aggressive rescue who had to have regular insulin shots (among other serious health problems). For obvious reasons, it’s kind of hard to give an angry dog a shot. And Danielle accidentally gave herself the shot when she pulled away quickly as he tried to bit her hand. I feel like any normal person would have called 911, but she drove herself to class and asked her professor to make sure she didn’t die. And she still takes care of that dog to this day. So I kind of want to be her best friend.
  5. She really wants people to follow her on Twitter and also has some really great food suggestions if you’re traveling to Maui. So if you have Twitter and are going to Maui, you should reach out to her. I think she’d have some great ideas.

Boy Meets World: Everybody Loves Stewart

I’ve been watching The Grinder lately. It’s not the best show, but Rob Lowe is always entertaining and I’m really loving that Fred Savage is acting again! So here’s a little reminder of that time he guest starred on Boy Meets World.

This episode is weird because Fred Savage plays the “cool young professor,” Stewart, and no one notices that he looks exactly like his brother Ben Savage, a.k.a. Corey. This guy is so cool. He treats them like friends and plays pool with them after school. Everything you ever wanted in college was to chill with your professors in the student union, right?

Eric doesn’t like him. This is because Eric realizes he’s not a great teacher like their mentor, Mr. Feeney. Everyone else is too into Stewart’s suave style to realize he’s not that great. So Topanga is super relaxed when Stewart shows up at her dorm room to go over a paper. He has conveniently forgotten to bring Angela’s paper, so she leaves them all alone to discuss the “gray areas” of morality. Even when he starts using his attraction to Topanga as an example of “crossing the line,” she still seems to think he’s just an edgy educator. Then he puts his hand on her hand, which is positioned dangerously close to her crotch and things get a little intense on Boy Meets World.

But then before anything happens, he lifts up her hand and says, “See where it gets gray.” Ugh, no that wasn’t gray. That was creepy, Professor Creeper. Then he starts creepily stroking her hair. Yuck. And when she tells him to leave he says, “that’s not what you want.” Ughhhhhhhh this is not  how Kevin from The Wonder Years is supposed to behave!

Anyway, Stewart leaves without anything more gross transpiring because Corey comes to visit Topanga and interrupts them.  But Corey tracks him down at the student union once Topanga reveals how sketchy their interaction was. Then Corey kind of assaults him in the heat of the moment, which causes Stewart to fall back wards through the door to the student union. Then Stewart announces in front of everyone that Corey will be kicked out of college.
No one really knows what to do, so Topanga approaches Stewart and tells him to make sure Corey isn’t kicked out of college or she will tell the dean that he behaved inappropriately. I feel like she could bypass Stewart on this one and just go straight to the dean, but anyway she gives him this ultimatum and he tells her he’s going to tell the dean that it was the other way around and Topanga was the aggressor. Ultimate douche bag.

I’d just like to say that this is the most depressing episode of Boy Meets World ever. Fred Savage is such a douche bag. And when Topanga calls him out in the hearing the female dean tries to silence her. And then Corey interrupts and gets to speak on behalf of Topanga! Then Shawn gets a moment too! Why won’t the let Topanga speak!!

The dean does seem to figure out what’s up though because she only suspends Corey for one day. Then she tells he awful Stewart he isn’t a teacher. She doesn’t fire him, but she makes it clear she’s going to keep an eye on him. But like. I feel like she should have fired him. Or at least suspended him pending some sort of investigation. Ugh, I’m just going to go back to watching The Grinder where Fred Savage is not an asshole.

Very Special Lesson: If someone you know gets creeped on major then let that person tell you how to respond. I’m disturbed that no one let Topanga have a say in this.

Boy Meets World: And Then There Was Shawn

Corey & Topanga are in the midst of a trial-separation and Shawn is in the middle of their dispute. Meanwhile, a janitor straight out of Tales from the Crypt enters the room to empty the trash. He then does some creepy finger-pointing (at Feeny, maybe? I’m not sure). Then he leaves without saying a word.

Cory, Shawn, Topanga, Angela, and some dude named Kenny all get detention for being disruptive in class, but Feeny leaves them alone in the room because he doesn’t want to be stuck in detention too. However, he tells them that they are still “being watched.” Shawn tries to leave immediately after Feeny, but discovers they have all been locked in the classroom.

Then the creepy janitor appears again. Instead of quietly sitting in their seats and waiting for him to pass like normal, sane humans, Shawn and Cory decide to ask him to unlock the door. He just holds up the keys, smiles, and turns away. Then the pull down map on the board (remember those? do schools still have those or is everything on the internet now?) scrolls up to reveal “NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE” written in blood on the blackboard.

Shawn tells the group that Feeny must be trying to pull a prank on them. He says it’s just like all of the horror movies he’s seen, and then starts to list the rules of horror movies like the video store guy in Scream did. He points out that Kenny will have to be the first victim. The tragedy of being on the outside of the clique–sorry, buddy.

But then Jack and Eric show up and open the door. No one asks how they managed to unlock it. I feel like that’s a really important question, but no one seems to care. Eric tells them that he and Jack decided to come to the high school to play basketball–uh, okay–and then they discovered that there was blood coming out of the locker room showers. Shawn says this is just like that classic horror film “Blood in the Showers,” and they decide that Feeny is torturing them with horror movie antics because detention isn’t scary anymore.

Then the lights go out and someone murders Kenny in like 1.5 seconds. That pretty much can only mean that one of our favorite cast members is a psychopath (probably the one standing closest to him) because who else could possible have had that opportunity? But he was also murdered with a pencil to the forehead, so I guess we’re assuming a lot of things are possible in this universe.

But Shawn still says it’s all just a prank. Only, Feeny ends up dead too. Wait. What? NO. Ugh, this is all Shawn’s fault. He made Feeny was the first suspect, which makes him a red herring, which makes him the most likely to die. Then we find out which of the group are virgins because Shawn says they’re the only ones who will survive. (FYI Cory & Topanga are safe, duh. Shawn says “I’ll get as sick as you can get without actually dying” and Jack & Eric are dead. Angela doesn’t comment.)

Then Topanga yells at Shawn and says that he was wrong about Feeny, so he’s probably wrong about this entire thing. And Sean is all like, “You were wrong to break up with Cory.” OMG, Shawn, people are DYING. Give the teen romance crap a break for 2 seconds! Then he blames her for the entire horrific event saying that none of this happened when she and Cory were dating, ergo John Adams High turns into a horror movie bloodbath when they’re not together. Good to know the entire balance of the universe is in the hands of two neurotic teenagers.

When the janitor ends up dead too, the group has to accept that the killer is one of them (which I knew ten minutes ago, geez.) But Topanga insists that there must be someone else in the building, so they leave Eric out as guard/bait while the rest of them hide in the classroom. Just then, Jennifer Love Hewitt shows up and she and Eric make out. (This was back when they were dating in real life.)

Then the pay phone rings and Jack answers it. It’s the ghost face killer from Scream! And poor Jack is just as friendly and innocent as Drew, answering the creepy questions all friendly like. Then they all split up, to lower the chances of the killer finding them all at once. Then Jennifer Love Hewitt dies when the killer pushes like five books at her. These people are so fragile. But then Eric dies the same way!

Angela and Jack die next, when the killer pushes them out of a window. Now only Cory, Topanga, and Shawn are left facing the killer. Shawn unmasks him and discovers his own face is under the mask. It’s like super trippy. Clearly, this is all just a dream. But Shawn’s obviously really enmeshed with Cory & Topanga. I guess we already knew that though. Also, that means that Shawn was dreaming about who out of his friends is/is not a virgin. The end!

Halloween Lesson: Don’t ever get so involved in your friends’ relationship that it haunts your dreams.

Girl Meets Cory and Topanga

I’m so late posting this, you’ve probably all read 70 reviews already. No, I’m the only one who reads that many reviews of one episode? Well, I’m hoping you have time for one more very special review of last night’s episode of Girl Meets World. But this post also has a very special guest star! My boyfriend, who so kindly critiqued this episode with me has allowed me to share his snarky thoughts as well.

In this episode, Riley starts to feel crappy that she’s not very good at anything, whereas Cory and Topanga are pretty much awesome. The boyfriend says, “Well, I’m glad they’re addressing this. She does seem useless. At least little Cory liked baseball.” That’s a fair assessment. For being the lead character in this show, Riley really doesn’t have much of a character.

Riley takes this really far and decides that she’ll never amount to anything in life. Ever. So she tries to become a nun so her life will have meaning. A nun tells her that no one is perfect and no one even comes close to the most perfect person she knows. I thought she was talking about God, but then out walks Topanga–who has just saved their orphanage.

Naturally, the only thing for Riley to do is imagine herself in the stories her parents tell her. That’s right folks, this is NOT A TIME TRAVEL EPISODE. It’s an imagination episode. And it consists of Riley observing her parents in two scenes. The first is where Cory and Topanga bond over shooting “baskets” with clean socks and a laundry basket. This leads Riley to believe she is a “goof” like her dad. But her mom is still perfect.

Until the next memory, the infamous O-zone layer poem scene, in which she and Riley determine that Topanga is even more of a goof than Cory.

All of this somehow confirms to Riley that she is unique (because she is 1/2 Cory and 1/2 Topanga) and will make something out of her life. Then the episode abruptly ends.

Very Special Lesson: If you have no sense of self, but you have cool parents, then don’t worry. You’re going to be just fine because genetics.