The Partridges are on tour in New Mexico and eating at a restaurant that has managed to defy the health inspector even though it is infested with flies. This is the best part of this show I think. I mean here they have David Cassidy but in the Partridge-Universe they are only famous enough to be playing at Shriner’s clubs and hotel bar’s.
So while they are having a nice family dinner in a disgusting diner, this teenage girl comes up to them and says she saw their bus outside and is hoping they could give her a lift to Albuquerque. (I feel like there’s going to be a song with Albuquerque in it now. Also, I had to use spell check twice to spell Albuquerque.)
Then this runway girl proceeds to tell them a ton of stupid lies about her past. She seriously is failing at subtlety. Also, she speaks strangely. I think young actresses must have still taken weird speaking lessons in the early 70’s. Anyway, when the stop to spend the night she bails. They’re not in Albuquerque (2nd time spelling it correctly on my own!) but she says she has some Basque shepher friends she needs to visit (ugh okay). And Shirley Jones is all like you’re full of it but I can’t make you stay if you don’t want to. When really it’s like, I’m sorry Shirley Jones, but at this point you’re probably endangering the welfare of a child and may need to call some type of local authority.
But it doesn’t take long for the police to find the Partridges. They tell the cop that they don’t know where she went. But if he had only checked their bus he would have found the missing girl sleeping and snuggling her guitar case. So bohemian. Anyway, Shirley sends the kids away to “freshen up” for the concert and tells the runway to chill with them. Meanwhile, she and Reuben go to the local police station to figure out what was going on. It turns out that this girl always runs away from her grandparents in Nebraska because she wants to live with her dad in Albuquerque. Upon learning that she’ll be locked in a holding cell until her grandparents can come collect her, Shirley asks if she can keep the girl with her and contact the grandparents herself. And you know, when you’re a small time family-band celebrity, you operate under a different set of rules.
So of course the police make Shirley responsible for this child and allow her to take her to Albuquerque to meet her grandparents. But when the Partridge kids say that the runaway has been taking a very long shower, Shirley barges in and finds the bathroom empty. So basically this is the stupidest most avoidable situation The Partridge Family has ever found themselves in. The producers must have really wanted to reuse that ghost town set because they have the family search all over this one-horse town for the runway (while a song about Albuquerque plays).
Anyway, they can’t find her until she literally runs in front of their bus. Then they chase her around Scooby-Doo style. Luckily, she doesn’t know how to drive a bus, and they corner her as she is trying to steal their ride. Anyway, it turns out that her dad is a super chill guy and her grandparents are kinda evil. They don’t like her dad (clearly they’re maternal grandparents) even though he hasn’t done anything to warrant this kind of behavior. Then they fight over her because they both love her so much and both want to give her a really wonderful home. (The Partridge Family can make even homeless children look rosy.) Shirley Jones is so awesome with her total lack of boundaries that she mediates between the squabbling family members and they agree that her dad can see her in the summer and on holidays. The End! No big “live performance” scene! Hope you liked that montage!
Very Special Lesson: When in doubt, use your favorite celebrities to solve all of your domestic issues.
I’ve recently gotten really into Hindsight on Vh1. It’s like a romcom + best friends + time travel. So like a really really great chicklit book that you can watch weekly. Also, the first episode is free on itunes if you want to test the waters. The best part (about the time travel) is that you get to chill in the 90’s without being like “AH THIS IS A THING FROM THE 90’s!” It’s sort of like Back to the Future in that regard. But honestly it’s probably mostly like Peggy Sue Got Married because it’s all about this woman who regrets her first marriage and passes out and wakes up in her own body but like 20 years prior. So yeah, I think this has been a really solid and coherent review. I hope you think so too.
asically, Zack takes the car out of the classroom and into the hallway and bribes Slater to teach him how to drive out of bounds. But Kelly walks up and wants to ride with Slater. (Zack has suspiciously asked to observe Slater’s teaching techniques from outside the vehicle). As it turns out, Zack has setup Belding to find Slater driving the car alone outside of the classroom. But Zack can’t get Kelly away from the car and basically shocks Slater into crashing. A golf cart. In a hallway. So maybe he isn’t that great of a driver.
We have made it to the first matchup of the semi-finals! As you will remember, Family Matters has taken a trip to Disney World so that Steve Urkel can show of his DNA altering machine. And yes, he needs to bring the entire family next door in order to do so. Laura breaks the machine so that Steve is forced to remain Stefan Urquelle. They nearly get married, but Laura begins to feel guilty about essentially murdering Steve. She only begins to feel this way because Steve’s girlfriend Myra cries about how Steve is gone forever. (Is it cheating if your DNA was technically different at the time?)
Full House is at Disney World because Jesse has a gig at Cinderella’s castle. Becky comes along so that they can spend their anniversary together. Joey comes along so they can do their radio show live from the fish tank at Epcot. The rest of the family comes along just because. Stephanie learns to love Michelle even though she’s a jerk, Michelle learns not to be a jerk, DJ sees Steve everywhere, Steve actually joins their vacation, Danny proposes to Vicky, and Kimmy Gibbler was there.
Whereas this is a total class act. Look at those platform jellies and pressed slacks:
So if you haven’t guessed already, Step by Step wins the point for integration of setting. Aside from the fact that they are winning by default, this episode actually does a good job of integrating pretty much all of the major attractions. This is done largely through extended montages that depict a family friend, Flash, trying to break a world record. He’s attempting to visit all restaurants, food carts, and rides in less than four days. He’s doing this largely because a Russian holds the current record. And this is America. The montages are way too long, but it really cool to see how two of the boys work with Disney staff to set up a base of operations for Flash. I’d like to think this is something Disney would be down for in real life. 
Morbid. I know. But this is The Golden Girls so it’s funny. All Sophia wants to do is ride Space Mountain. But Dorothy has brought photo albums and slides and wants her mother to sit in the hotel with her for hours and tell her every single thing she was thinking in every single one of the photos. She also starts to keep a journal of Sophia’s witty one liners. This pisses Sophia off to no end, so she goes to the hotel bar and tries to have a Casablanca moment with the bar pianist. He doesn’t get the joke though so instead of playing “As Time Goes By” he plays a light-jazz version of “It’s a Small World.” When Sophia is finally ready to ditch Dorothy and go to the park herself, it rains in a torrential downpour for 24-hours straight. Luckily, Dorothy realizes she’s being a little nuts and does take her mother to Space Mountain before heading to the airport. We sort of get to see this as the end credits roll over what looks like the interior of space mountain, so that’s kind of cool. I’m also giving the Vacation Attire point to The Golden Girls because I like a woman who can dress well at any age and Dorothy is killing it. Also, I hope to own as many cozy cardigans as possible as an elderly woman, so I’m very inspired by Sophia’s wardrobe.
The plot of Sabrina (while much better than that of Roseanne and about on par with Family Matters) revolved around a single task, whereas Full House had tons of subplots and moving parts. That is what they do so well on vacation episodes. That is why this is the team to beat. But I do believe it’s possible. Or do you think they will become double vacation episode title holders?
The best part of this episode is that you get to watch Harvey be the safari tour guide. Aunt Hilda zaps him into that role to get him away from Libby (because apparently Harvey is totally untrustworthy?) Oh yeah, Hilda and Zelda are there as chaperones, but they spend almost no time at all with the kids. They’re the kind of chaperones who would let your kids lose their virginity in a maintenance closest behind the tree of life or walk around in the animal-only areas. Real winners. Actually, yeah the second one does happen. Poor, Martin Mull is the only one trying to keep these kids in line! And apparently there are also no Disney staff members around, which I find to be the least plausible part of all of this. Even less plausible than the witchcraft.
Full House features a bossy/bratty/still sweet Michelle winning a contest to become “Princess for a Day,” which she was only able to do because she cut in front of Stefanie in line. This grants Michelle the ability to have a series of wishes granted to her by the Disney Parks. She also gets to ride in a parade. And there are posters at every park and hotel declaring her the Disney Princess. This is ridiculous and I would like to subtract points for it, but overall the show has a better plot than that of Sabrina. There’s just no way that Disney World (who wants to make EVERY kid feel like princess/prince/pirate/magical creature/personified rodent/etc would ever publicly display everywhere in the park that they had a regular kid just like you to lord over you for a day on your expensive vacation. Speaking of vacation, the reason for this trip is that Jesse is taking a working-vacation with the family. His band, Jesse and The Rippers are playing at Cinderella’s Castle.
hey are Cinderella’s Castle level entertainment. These guys would be lucky to the get the stage near Canada at the World Showcase. The only Jesse and The Rippers performance I have ever enjoyed was the time they covered “Hot Child in the City” on Wake Up, San Francisco! But I can’t find that anywhere on the internet, so I am starting to worry I invented that memory. But this episode does win in terms of music, not for the band (or for the fact that Sabrina doesn’t really have music) but rather for the fact that Jesse sits down at the piano in the Grand Floridian lobby and beckons Becky to watch him doe-eyed from the balcony even though he’s been too busy working to spend time with her. He’s like some Greek-Romeo/Bryan Adams combo and it’s incredibly effective.
Fireworks at Magic Kingdom. Stephanie deals with loving Michelle even though she is an asshole. Michelle becomes less of an asshole. DJ/Kimmy/Stephanie lose Michelle and she’s rescued by Snow White. DJ thinks she sees Steve everywhere, which means that actor gets cameos as Indiana Jones and most princes (extra cool since he really was the voice of Aladdin). Then he shows up at the Grand Floridian to surprise her! (Remarkable for someone struggling to save for college.) Joey and Jesse do their radio show from the tank in the Coral Reef restaurant. (Still don’t see the point of having a radio show in a cool visual location.) And we barely see twins, Nicky & Alex, thank God!
I am totally torn about who to give the point to for overall integration of Disney setting. In Roseanne, you get to see more of the park locals, but they are pretty much just running through everything. Dan seems to be doing the Drink Around the World thing at Epcot, which is cool. But other than that they are mostly like “OH HEY LOOK AT THIS” and yet you barely see them on a ride. At one point, two of the characters even list all of the rides that they just did, but you don’t get to see those. Because of this, I think Family Matters has to win. Also, I like that they set a lot of plot development conversations at yummy restaurants. For example, when Stefan asks Carl for Laura’s hand in marriage (ugh) they are eating at that little outdoor cafe near the Brown Derby in Hollywood Studios. They also show Carl meeting a ton of characters, and he announces his plan to move the family to Orlando on The Tower of Terror just before the elevator drops…so yeah that’s some good setting integration right there.
The Very Special Blog 