Tonight, I decided to give up crafting for good. I used to have a knack for it, but something’s gone wrong. When I was trying to make a pop-up book scene with Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan warming up for the ’94 Lillehammer Olympics, I realized I was out of my league. Nancy was fine and moved along her little figure skating track with poise and ease. But Tanya’s glue got stuck on the edge of the track, and when I tried to move her piece across the page, she ripped the whole bottom of the rink. She’s always having problems. I tried to glue everything back together, but all hope was lost. And honestly, it didn’t match my vision to begin with. I’m pretty sure I’ve got the crafting yips, so I’m just going to give up and point. I’m not even going to fail gracefully or persevere until the job is done. And you know what, I’d also like to apologize to Tanya Harding. Even in pop-up books, I’ve managed to create a world where the odds were stacked against her.

But before, I go. I’d like to share with you my swan song. Oh, how I wish it had all ended here and that I hadn’t tried to follow it up with an overly ambitious task prompted by having too much card stock. As Tanya knows, ambition can make us do stupid things. But let’s now remember a time, last week, when things were simpler and I still felt skilled and adept with my use of craft products. I give you my final achievement: The Ms. Pac-Man Flower Vase:

And now I’m going to sulk myself to sleep.