Feeling like you’re an old fart who will never achieve physical greatness since you didn’t start gymnastics at the age of 4 because it looked painful when your mom took you to observe a class in the church gym and thus by the time you realized that Dominique Moceanu’s 1996 floor routine was  your life’s goal it was already too late? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Even better, there’s hope. All you have to do is make it to Senior citizenship.

But first, the greatest theme song of all time:

In an effort to emerge triumphant in a love triangle, Fred enters the Senior Olympics. He’s determined to best his romantic rival in the Decathlon. Grady acts as his coach, while his son Lamont is baffled that someone who cannot even go for a long walk is going to compete in a Decathlon. (See, hope for all of us.)

Unfortunately, things don’t start off well. Fred cannot complete one push-up and he refuses to jump rope. I don’t think he’s missing out on too much training here though because Grady’s version of jumping rope is throwing the rope to the ground and stepping over it. They quickly move on to Discus, but they don’t have a discus so they have to use a hubcap. Fred does pretty well with the hubcap. I’d like to think I would too, but I know how poorly I do with a frisbee…

Next it’s time for the 50 yard sprint. I’m not sure how long it takes him because Grady forgets to time it, but Fred looks pretty worn out. Yet in true Olympian fashion, he must go on even when all the odds seem stacked against him. Even though his girlfriend tells him he doesn’t have anything to prove, Fred decides to compete.

And it all pays off. Fred sweeps the gold in every single category at the Senior Olympics. He’s also the only person who showed up to compete. But that’s beside the point! Fred’s rival drops by and they decide to arm wrestle for the goal. Fred wins but “sprains” his opponent’s arm in the process. This of course sets up a perfect Florence Nightingale situation and Fred is left alone yet again. Oh well buddy, can’t win em all.

Very Special Lesson: There’s always bobsledding.