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Girl Meets Cory and Topanga

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I’m so late posting this, you’ve probably all read 70 reviews already. No, I’m the only one who reads that many reviews of one episode? Well, I’m hoping you have time for one more very special review of last night’s episode of Girl Meets World. But this post also has a very special guest star! My boyfriend, who so kindly critiqued this episode with me has allowed me to share his snarky thoughts as well.

In this episode, Riley starts to feel crappy that she’s not very good at anything, whereas Cory and Topanga are pretty much awesome. The boyfriend says, “Well, I’m glad they’re addressing this. She does seem useless. At least little Cory liked baseball.” That’s a fair assessment. For being the lead character in this show, Riley really doesn’t have much of a character.

Riley takes this really far and decides that she’ll never amount to anything in life. Ever. So she tries to become a nun so her life will have meaning. A nun tells her that no one is perfect and no one even comes close to the most perfect person she knows. I thought she was talking about God, but then out walks Topanga–who has just saved their orphanage.

Naturally, the only thing for Riley to do is imagine herself in the stories her parents tell her. That’s right folks, this is NOT A TIME TRAVEL EPISODE. It’s an imagination episode. And it consists of Riley observing her parents in two scenes. The first is where Cory and Topanga bond over shooting “baskets” with clean socks and a laundry basket. This leads Riley to believe she is a “goof” like her dad. But her mom is still perfect.

Until the next memory, the infamous O-zone layer poem scene, in which she and Riley determine that Topanga is even more of a goof than Cory.

All of this somehow confirms to Riley that she is unique (because she is 1/2 Cory and 1/2 Topanga) and will make something out of her life. Then the episode abruptly ends.

Very Special Lesson: If you have no sense of self, but you have cool parents, then don’t worry. You’re going to be just fine because genetics.

Growing Pains: Stop, Luke, and Listen

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I don’t know who did it, but someone finally made all of my dreams come true. All seasons of Growing Pains are now on Amazon Instant Watch, which means I can finally review the Leonardo Dicaprio episodes and Carol’s multi-episode tragic-romance with Matthew Perry. But for now let’s talk about Leo.

We first met Leo, I mean “Luke” when Mike starts his student teaching job. At first he seems just like a regular teenage class clown, but then we get this very special episode:

Mike’s really getting into the swing of things with teaching remedial class. I’m sure it’s some kind of big statement on how he was once a remedial student. Anyways, his class is like a majorly watered-down version of Welcome Back, Kotter and Luke is the Vinny Barbarino of the class.

Mike’s busy collecting emergency contact cards before he has to rush of to a big dinner with Kate and his parents. So when the office tells him that Luke’s emergency contact card is missing and they have to have it by 5 pm, Mike sets out on a mission to track down the information.

Luckily, Luke arrived to class late that morning and had forgotten to remove the deli apron he had worn at work. Mike calls 555-DELI (as was written on Luke’s apron) and asks to speak to Luke. Unfortunately, the deli can’t let him talk to Luke. Actually, they’ve never heard of Luke. And it turns out the school has no record of his enrollment either.

For a moment, it might seem like this is totally implausible. But having previously worked with school administrations, I’d say this is a frighteningly possible reality. Mike remembers seeing a cot in the storage room so he heads down to check and out. Sure, enough Luke is lying on the cot because he lives in the storage room. He tries to explain this away by saying he is only staying there for a few nights due to an argument with his parents.

Mike is all like yeah man, I totally get it because he for whatever reason still thinks he was a cool, edgy kid even though he grew up in the suburban paradise that is Huntington, Long Island with Maggie and Jason Seaver. So please, Mike. You do NOT get it. But then Mike notices that Luke has for serious moved into this storage room. He’s even stealing cable.

But Luke continues to claim he isn’t homeless. So Mike hands him the emergency contact card to fill out. Luke lists his address as 725 W 48th Street, which Mike immediately recognizes as “in the middle of the river.” Now, this to me is much less plausible that Luke attending school without enrolling. Mike didn’t even grow up in the city and suddenly he’s the rain man of street numbers? Why does he know this?? What happened to him on the 700 block of 48th street??

Then Mike breaks some laws by not calling Child Protective Services. While he figures out what to do with Luke, his parents try to entertain Kate. She and Maggie happen to be wearing the same dress. It’s a really stupid gag. Oh, how the mighty have fallen in their final season. Kate makes another faux pas by turning down Maggie’s homemade bread because she doesn’t eat “anything with yeast.” Ugh. Then she turns down the slow-cooked roast beef because she doesn’t eat “anything with a face.” SO RUDE. Like fine, I’m sorry if it’s gross to you but you’re trying to impress these people because you “love” their son. Just give up and go home at this point, lady!

It turns out that Mike was not at dinner because he has been stalking Luke all night. He watches Luke use his deli apron to sneak into the deli that evening and steal food. Mike’s all like I want you to have a better life! And Luke is all like I had a good life before you ruined my shelter, food source, and education! And Mike is kind of like oh, whoops. So he takes Luke home to live with his family.

Very Special Lesson: Remember that time you saw a poor helpless soul? You should totally meddle in that persons life. And if that person is a child, you can adopt that child. And if you’re a Seaver, then you don’t even have to adopt that child. You can just start raising him as your son.

Is this a thing?

~ theveryspecialblog ~ 6 Comments

I was just on the phone with my boyfriend, ranting about how stupid Joey was on Full House–as one does. And asking the age old question of what the hell was he even doing there? And my boyfriend said, “Are you kidding? Because he f***ed the mom.” And my jaw dropped. And I was like shocked at the blasphemy. And what?? But then he laid it all out. “It’s the only way. You think Danny Tanner had all of those blondes? Joey is so obviously the dad. It make sense that the brother-in-law moves in to help out. They’re grieving together, but then this totally random friend moves in too? It’s because he’s the dad.”

I mean it’s kind of the only valid statement I’ve heard for Joey’s continual presence. Like I feel that Danny must not know and is just super grateful for the help in his time of need. But it doesn’t explain why Joey hangs around forever. I mean why would a single guy want to spend eight years raising kids that are not his own?

Joey’s Hair + Pam’s Hair = DJ’s Hair

Is this a thing?? Do other people think this? Is Joey the father of the biological Tanner children?

Girl Meets World: Girl Meets Creativity

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Two Girl Meets World episodes in a row? What have I become?? I’ve become swamped by work. I work 7 days a week on salary and I want to cry and can we please get that new overtime law passed? Anyway, Girl Meets World episodes are like 20 minutes long and have improved to the point where they don’t make me cringe all the time. Plus, this is the second week in a row where an original BMW cast-member is chilling with the GMW team.

Screen Shot 2015-08-22 at 7.54.28 PMIn this episode, the affluent and by-far newest looking public school in New York city, John Quincy Middle School, is cutting art, dance, and music classes. I felt like this had to be a charter school because of how ridiculous this schools resources are but looks like I stand corrected. Anyway, now everyone is up-in-arms because the “underprivileged” character, Maya, cannot paint anymore. Uh, hello you live in New York City–a place where public schools suck and art is widely accessible. So I don’t get the drama of this episode, but what’s new? Except that public schools should have art, duh.

Screen Shot 2015-08-22 at 7.55.25 PMAnyway, the kids yell at Mr. Turner (superintendent, remember) and then they perform their love of art in front of the school board. Their performances suck and sort of just made me agree with the school board since obviously no one taught these kids anything anyway. But then Farkle alternates between rattling off prime numbers and doing a beautiful tap dance and like I am moved. I mean this kid is a good dancer but like the juxtaposition is just speaking to me right now. (This is your brain on over a month of 80 hour work weeks).

Screen Shot 2015-08-22 at 7.55.56 PMThen Riley does another interpretive dance and I once again do not care that these programs are losing funding. They need to remove her from this meeting, seriously. Then it turns out that one of the board members is a studio art major. And so then she has a moral dilemma. With only 3 minutes left, how will it end?? They decide to like put off the decision and try to be more creative, I think.

Screen Shot 2015-08-22 at 7.55.16 PMThere are still so many unanswered Mr. Turner questions. He an Shawn have yet to have screen time together. I need them to face-off. There must be a day of reckoning. Why did Mr. Turner heal, never to bond with Shawn again? Why did he only teach classes with Minkus on the other side of the school? And where can I buy a cool shirt like, Auggie is wearing? I need answers!

Murder, She Wrote: Deadly Misunderstanding

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Remember when Simon Says made John McClane wear that sandwich board decorated with a racial slur in Harlem? His statistical chances of survival at that moment were greater than that of an unassuming resident of Cabot Cove on any given day. In fact, a 2012 study revealed that Cabot Cove would be the murder capital of the world, with a higher per capita murder rate than Honduras. If you thought Cabot Cove was charming and idyllic, might I suggest you purchase a fixer-upper in Detroit?

In the perilous town of Cabot Cove, it seems like the most dangerous place you could possible be is anywhere near Mrs. Fletcher. This is the case for the poor, unwitting typist who agrees to type Mrs. Fletcher’s latest manuscript when Jessica breaks her arm whilst bike riding. While she’s in Jessica’s employ, the typist’s husband is murdered. She finds him dead when she arrives home from some, erm, extracurricular writing activities with a cute dude from class.

Instead of calling the police and explaining what happened, the typist decides it’s a good idea to call the cute dude from class and have him help her move her husband’s body to the lumberyard where he works late shifts. She is worried that she’ll be the prime suspect, so she freaks out and totally incriminates herself. Has she learned nothing about murder crimes from typing Jessica’s manuscript??

The next day the sheriff questions her and she’s got this awful story about going straight home and taking sleeping pills. She says she was out cold all night, and concocts some story about people making threats against her husband. Things begin to fall apart when her writing teacher notices that the title of her story is “Dagger of Love,” which obviously means she’s a murderer because her husband was stabbed with scissors. Basic Detectivery 101. Then finally, after 7 seasons of this crap, someone finally decides to cursorily acknowledge the high crime rate in this tiny town. The writing teacher’s wife announces, “Cabot Cove is getting to be as bad as New York” before she heads off to the market.

While investigating some guy at a diner who seems to have hated the dead man, the town sheriff learns that the diner man is an eye-witness to the body dumping. Yep, that’s a sentence you can easily follow, right? The diner man recognizes the cute dude from the writing class as the body dumper. Meanwhile, the editor-in-chief of the paper is trying to get information about the typist from Jessica, when he learns that the cute dude (an employee of the paper) has been arrested. He and Jessica rush down to the precinct. And then Jessica (with like pretty much no details of the crime) says to the sheriff “Am I missing something or was the murder committed somewhere else and the body moved?” And the sheriff is in total agreement and not at all like how the hell did you know that? 

But of course, she gets to tag along for the investigation. She heads over to the typist’s house with the sheriff and points out how the desk set in the living room matches the design of the scissors found in the cute dude’s trunk. When did she have access to that evidence?? Pretty much NEVER. Why is no one asking these questions??? But then everything gets overshadowed by the guilt that the body movers feel. They’re all like ugh okay we did it and we’re dumb. And Jessica Fletcher convinces the sheriff that the story is stranger-than-fiction, so they should definitely believe it. The typist admits that she made a pit stop on the way home, and the sheriff concludes that there was time for the cute dude to kill the husband by himself.

Then a mistress turns up. The dead man and the mistress had a fight and hit each other in the face. The mistress has a bruise and is like I didn’t kill him. I knew he slept around and we were just having a fight. He went home and his wife probably killed him. And then they find the typist’s story! And they’re like omg she totally did it! But then they notice that she’s in love with her writing teacher in the story. And it just so happens that she shows up at the precinct with the writing teacher’s umbrella mere moments later. And this is totally incriminating evidence. She also says she found the umbrella by her husband’s body. So they’re thinking it’s the writing teacher, but then they head over to his house and Jessica totally accuses the writing teacher’s wife.

The writing teacher was home sick, so she took his car (and umbrella) and murdered her ex-lover. (He hooked up with a lot of ladies, remember?) And the hard evidence that Jessica has is the fact that the writing teacher’s wife knew that the dead guy had dirty hands from changing a tire on his way home. She says that she doesn’t remember grabbing the scissors (obviously because she did not) but she confesses anyway (because she’s a guilty cheater). And everyone is like, “Well, she must have done it because she knew he had dirty hands.” And no one cares that Jessica Fletcher knew literally everything supposedly confidential about this case.

Here’s what really happened: This one baffles me. Jessica should have gotten caught here. I mean those idiots moving the body must have been the only thing that saved her. She knew the body had been moved without anyone releasing that information. She recognized the desk set as having the same design as the murder scissors, which she theoretically had never seen. I feel like at this point, she’s spent like seven years killing people and getting away with it so she wants to see just how obvious she can be without getting caught. It seems to me that the ex-lover stopped by the house wanting to confront the dead guy (who at that point was still alive). She saw his dirty hands and questioned how she could ever have threatened her marriage for such a loser, and then she rushes home and is so blinded by her guilt that she doesn’t even remember much of her interaction with her ex-lover. I mean, she CLEARLY says she doesn’t remember the scissors. Obviously, there was some severe evidence tampering, but like this doesn’t change the fact that everything she knows about this case makes Mrs. Fletcher either a psychic or a psychotic.

Murder, She Wrote: The Murder of Sherlock Holmes

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We first meet Jessica Fletcher as an ordinary widow/substitute teacher whose nephew has stolen her manuscript and published it. She’s suddenly an unwitting celebrity and she seems pretty harmless. It is impossible to tell at this point if her innocence is genuine, or if this was all part of her elaborate plot to gain the trust of millions.

Her publisher rudely brushes her off at first, but then asks her to come to a costume party and spend the weekend at his country house to make up for his rude behavior. Nothing really happens until her nephew, Grady, catches someone snooping in his guest-room. It turns out to be a really classy private investigator. The PI tells Jessica, “You have a rare gift for murder. Continued success.”

Jessica runs a lot. It makes me feel bad because I am decades younger and exercise way less. I worry my fitness age is actually like 76. But I guess being an old lady serial killer/mystery writer must require peak physical fitness.

Anyway, after all of this exposition and running, something finally happens! A seafood magnate named Caleb McCallen is found dead in the pool. He has been shot in the face with a shotgun. Yuck.  Caleb’s supposed lover, Ms. Donovan, found him at 6 am but he was probably killed during the party the previous night.

JB Fletcher pokes around outside (probably contaminating evidence). She says that Caleb isn’t the one in the pool, based on the shoes (shotgun to the face makes it a little hard to recognize him) Meanwhile, Caleb’s wife blacked out the night before and is now worried she murdered her husband and can’t remember doing it.

I didn’t expect Angela Lansbury to create something so freaking dark. I’m not sure I’d ever seen the pilot episode until now, but let’s review briefly: In a Sid & Nancy scenario, someone’s face has been blown off at an otherwise innocuous party, and this is rated TV-PG.

Anyway, as it turns out Jessica is correct. Caleb shows up alive and well, having spent the night in a motel with a lady friend. He left his costume in the hall closet before leaving the country house, where anyone could have taken it. It also turns out that Caleb hired the PI because someone was leaking confidential information about his business. Then Grady gets arrested! They think he’s a thief and that he tried to kill his boss (Caleb). At 11:15 pm (the time of the murder) the other chief suspect was upstairs “half-naked” while Jessica washed out a stain from her dress.

At the beginning of Part 2 of the pilot, Jessica goes to see Caleb in Bay Shore and he is all like your nephew is the culprit! So Jessica makes Grady help her break into Caleb’s office to find out who bought/sold some overpriced properties. Once in the office, Jessica and Grady split-up (a.k.a. Jessica needs some alone time to plant evidence). Then the other suspect (the one with the alibi) comes into the office. Jessica spies on her from a coat closet.

The suspect takes a phone call and says, “I want no part of murder. They may be following me. I can’t be sure.” Why would you talk about murder if you were maybe being followed? Only a totally innocent person would do that! She leaves shortly thereafter and Jessica watches her get on a bus. Jessica catches another bus going the same way, but she doesn’t have exact change. The Fratelli mom from The Goonies gives her 3 quarters for a dollar and she takes the bus to 3rd Ave and E 17th where some dudes try to rob her.

Some guy who followed her off the bus and saves her from certain death. He tells her he’s a big fan of her book and says, “You want some advice? I’d stay out of this neighborhood, Mrs. Fletcher.” I know this is the 80’s but this is Gramercy! Geez!

Jessica calls the cops and says she now thinks the PI was the intended victim and that they must find a connection between off-B’way producer Peter Brill (form the party) and Ashley Vickers (the lady with the alibi). Like what? I’ve been watching this whole time and follow literally none of her logic. I’m sure she’s just trying to confuse everything to hide her own guilt.

Anyway, Jessica goes to the theater and Ashley Vickers shows up and is all like Give it up, Peter!!!! And Peter is all like, I also have an alibi since I played the piano all night in front of everyone. So they’re thieves but obviously not murderers, and this leads Jessica Fletcher to find a new scapegoat to frame for her crimes.

Shortly, thereafter the cops find Caleb dead on his boat. For some reason, Jessica goes back to the country house and tries to break into a shed by the pool. Her publisher shows up, and she tries to claim that she can see him perfectly at the same distance that the killer must have been at from the PI. Thus, there’s no way the PI could have been mistaken for Caleb. She accuses her publisher of being the killer and he confesses that he was in a “blind rage.” He says he was scapegoated in a “business venture” where the building collapsed, even though he had nothing to do with construction. He went to jail for fifteen years and everyone else got off scott-free. After two years, he escaped and the police figured he was dead. And the PI recognized him. This all seems pretty damning, but I’m sure Jessica is responsible.

Here’s what really happened: The publisher has PTSD from the trauma he’s experienced with both jail and his dangerous escape. This PTSD must have been triggered by the automatic lights near the pool, sending him into a “blind rage” but not a murderous one. Jessica Fletcher witnessed all of this from the upstairs bathroom where she was washing the dress. She scaled down the trellis (fit from all that running), and seized the moment to create a new mystery for herself. Then she manipulated this poor man into thinking he was a murderer all because she needed to be the hero. Becoming a published mystery author was just too thrilling for this small-town retiree, and now there’s nothing that can satiate her need for crime. But why this poor, unwitting PI? Well, he was the only one who astutely observed her true character and properly foreshadowed her “rare gift for murder.”

My New Passion Project

~ theveryspecialblog ~ 5 Comments

I’m sure Angela Lansbury’s a nice lady, but can’t you just tell that Jessica Fletcher is a demon who walks among us?

Okay, team. All 12 seasons of Murder, She Wrote are on Netflix. For many years, I have been convinced that Jessica Fletcher is either the angel of death or a serial killer. Either way, I just know that she set about framing all of those innocent people over her years as an “amateur detective” (a.k.a. evil incarnate). I know I’m not alone in this belief, but it’s not enough to just wildly through around accusations. Thus,  I have decided to dedicate myself to a close viewing of each and every murder she wrote episode to prove how Jessica really committed those murders in Cabot Cove (a.k.a. “murder capital of the world”) and elsewhere. It won’t be an easy task, and I have no idea how long it will take me to do it (after all, we’ll still need very special lessons to counteract the dark soul that lurks about pretending to be Sheriff Tom Bosley’s best friend). What do you say, will you join me on this mystery?

The Facts of Life: Cousin Geri

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In the final installment of Very Special Summer, we travel back to Eastland where Blair Warner has an unexpected visitor. Blair has won the Eastland Fine Arts Award for the third year in a row. Apparently, she’s an excellent artist–even though we have never seen her work. But she’s very anxious about her celebration dinner because her cousin Geri is in town for a comedy show and decides to pay Blair a visit.

Blair is super weird about introducing her to her friends because Geri has Cerebral Palsy. Geri is super chill about answering all of the girls’ questions (since apparently they go to prep school but have never taken science), but Blair is obviously uncomfortable and tells them to stop bothering her cousin. Geri says, “Questions don’t hurt. Ignorance does.” And then the studio audience applauds because this is The Facts of Life and this is the kind of shit we tune in to hear!

It doesn’t take long for the other girls to realize that Blair is in a bad mood because her cousin is visiting, and they call confront her for being so rude. Jo is particularly scathing and says that Blair is “just upset because their’s a Warner out there who isn’t perfect.” It’s obviously not the case, and this blatant jerk-ness was part of what made me not like Jo when she first started on the series. Mrs. Garrett tries to get Blair to admit that she is embarrassed by Geri, but Blair denies that this is the case.

In fact, it turns out that Blair is jealous of Geri. “With her here on my night, at my school, with my friends, everything I’ve worked for just seems so silly,” she says. I mean like woah. I think I could maybe understand where Blair is coming from if she wasn’t already super spoiled and like always the center of attention. Plus, like who gives a crap if large family gatherings focus more on Geri? It’s not like Bliar and Geri are siblings and Blair is like neglected  in favor of Geri or something. I feel like being jealous of Geri is just some able-bodied privilege that really disturbs me. But Mrs. Garrett is obviously a lot more understanding than I am and tells Blair that she shouldn’t feel guilty because she’s just being “human.”

Blair doesn’t even show up to her celebration dinner–where Geri is also performing. She arrives late in the middle of Geri’s performance (which just happens to be at the portion that Geri is hoping to perform with Blair like when they were kids). And then Blair stops the act and says “Hey, did you here about the girl who never told her cousin how great she is?” And Geri is all like what…no…? Tell me… And Blair is all like, “I never told you this before, but I think you’re terrific.” And then like dammit in spite of myself I teared up!

Blair really was a snot, but this was what made her so cool in the first couple of seasons of this show. As disgusting as her behavior was, it’s probably a pretty realistic portray of even the “ugly” feelings that we humans sometimes possess and don’t like to admit to. And she ended up genuinely doing the right thing at the end. I guess maybe she’ll still be a little jealous at Thanksgiving, but that’s not Geri’s fault and having a good relationship with her should maybe make that a little easier.

Very Special Lesson: If you show up late to your awards banquet, then you’d better put on a pretty good show to make up for it.

Family Matters: Like A Virgin

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Harriet finds a love note that fell out of Eddie’s pants pocket and she shares it with Carl. It says “Eddie, we were foolish to wait. Last night was so special, and now I want us to share this experience as often as possible.” This is literally the worst thing I could ever think of my parents finding and reading. Even now, as an adult and non-teenage person, I would gouge my eyes out if they found a love note in my pants pocket. Well, actually I would be like “what are you doing in my pants pocket and why did you read that?”

Anyway, it turns out the the love note was in reference to Eddie supporting his girlfriend through her mother’s rehab and wasn’t a reference to anything sexual at all. But instead of just being like “Okay, son. Sorry we snooped and ready your note,” Carl asks him point blank if he’s still a virgin. (At this point Urkel has come over to the house and is now eavesdropping from the kitchen.) So Urkel totally overhears Eddie say he’s a virgin and then decides that’s information that’s totally okay to share with all of the cool guys at school. Omg. Whattt?

To be fair, he’s trying to use Eddie as an example of how you can be a “real man” and also be a virgin, but wait yeah it’s still definitely not okay to have shared that information. But then Eddie tries to lie to everyone and say he’s not a virgin. And Steve is all like no, I heard you talking to your dad! Urkel is so not even amusing in this episode, except that he does kind of have a cool ninja-towel-fight with everyone in the locker room, so I’m giving him points on that.

Then Laura and Eddie have a heart to heart about the double standard of being a virgin for females and males. And Eddie finally realizes it feels better to stand up for his choices than to hide from his “friends” or try to lie. It’s not like everyone is all like Whoops, Eddie. We were wrong. You’re really a cool dude. They pretty much continue to think he’s lame but he feels a lot better for standing by his decision.

Very Special Lesson: Hey, I think this might be like the perfect not-played-for-laughs Very Special Episode. Good job, Eddie!

Boy Meets World: My Baby Valentine & Resurrection

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Cory is soooo excited for Valentine’s Day. He’s putting a lot of pressure on the day because the previous year he cheated on Topanga with Linda Cardellini, and they broke up. But his mom is super pregnant with baby Josh, so Topanga has taken it upon herself to be helpful to the entire family–not just Cory. This messes up his plans and he gets really whiny. They’re about to have a gender-divided Valentine’s Day until Cory insists on throwing the baby shower Topanga offers to host for his mother. This family is pretty enmeshed, guys.

It turns out that Cory thinks baby showers are like bachelorette parties. He even hires a stripper. For his mother. It’s really weird. Meanwhile, Eric, Jack, and Alan play cards–with Mr. Feeny. Back at the Matthews home, Topanga has managed to salvage the bridal shower after kid-sister Morgan kicked Cory out of the house.

Topanga thought it was appropriate to buy Mrs. Matthews a sexy nightie and talk about how good she’ll look after the baby is born–so good in fact that Mr. Matthews will get her pregnant all over again. Morgan sits next to her mother and somehow manages not to barf. Then she gives her baby sweater to her mom for the new baby and is all bummed out that she’s not the baby anymore. Amy promises to spend more time with Morgan until the baby comes and then she immediately goes into labor.

Back at Eric’s apartment, Alan yells at Cory for selfishly ruining the baby shower. He’s too self-centered to realize that life goes on outside of Hallmark Holidays, and that his stressed-out and super-pregnant mom deserved Topanga’s attention more than he did. Amy delivers the baby via C-section and everything appears to be fine. But then the nurse notices the completely not at all premature baby actor breathing “irregularly” and they have to put little Josh in the NICU.

(Oh and also, Jack, Eric, and Rachel work out their love-triangle because Eric is some awesome and is totally cool with them dating behind his back and not knowing how to tell him.)

In the waiting room, Cory keeps trying to tell Topanga that there’s nothing in the world more important than their love and that is why they are getting married. Bleh. Anyway, Alan comes out and tells everyone that the baby might die and they all look horrified. It is awful. And then the episode ends. It’s not technically a 2-parter, but I’m not going to leave you hanging.

The NICU doctor wants to administer a 10-day course of antibiotics and then see how Josh does with that. Cory is freaking out and wants Topanga to fix everything. Cory is so needy at eighteen. I kind of forgot. I feel bad for Topanga though because he keeps demanding so much of her and like insists that she hold his hand as a magical cure-all. So she grabs his hand and says, “I don’t like it when you use us to hide from the rest of life, Cory.” OMG she’s so cool. Why can’t they let her be this cool on Girl Meets World?!

Then Corey says, “I don’t like it that you’re not Topanga anymore,” which is kind of mean, honestly. Topanga goes home and talks to Angela. She tells her about that time in the sixth-grade when she danced around and put lipstick no her face, and somehow feels that’s when Cory fell in love with her. They’re all at the hospital and Cory is still mad at Topanga for somehow failing to magically fix reality, and luckily Shawn shows up. (He’s been away searching his soul or something.)

With Shawn and Topanga by his side, Cory is finally ready to go talk to baby Josh in the incubator. Then they all give this baby a pep talk about how he has to live because he is breaking their hearts. Shawn gives the most inspiring speech of all. He tells Josh that they have the best family of all and they don’t need to go anywhere else to find it. He wants Josh to get better so that they can have fun and make new memories.

By the end of the episode, Josh is doing well enough to go home. Then Topanga draws on her face with lipstick in order to show that she’s not all that different for her eleven year-old self. She draws on Cory’s face too. I remember really liking this episode as a kid because it acknowledged how drastically Topanga’s character had changed. But not it feels so oddly timed because Topanga had been pretty non-hippie and serious for a few years prior to this. I feel like Cory was so mean to her because she wasn’t “inspiring hope” when she was just trying to be realistic about a potential tragedy. Sorry, she’s not your coping-guru, Cory.

Very Special Lesson: If your mom is really really pregnant and then you have a premature baby brother and you are annoyed that your girlfriend is growing up and it’s Valentine’s Day–get over yourself. Also, I am finding it more and more disturbing that Cory and Topanga were engaged at eighteen. But oh well, at least they worked through this.