reboot

Live In Front Of A Studio Audience | The Facts of Life: “Kids Can Be Cruel”

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Similar to The Jeffersons and All in the Family from a couple of years ago (and also Good Times which I somehow completely missed), we’re getting another live performance of a couple of classics: The Facts of Life and Diff’rent Strokes. I tried to originally write one post on both of these episodes, but I had too much to say (surprise, surprise) so I’ll be writing a separate post for Diff’rent Strokes.

On a personal note, The Facts of Life was my FAVORITE show as an eleven year old because I went to school with a lot of mean girls and it was depressing as shit. When the girls on The Facts of Life were mean, it was played for laughs, and they always learned a lesson so I knew they weren’t actually shitty humans. And I actually think my love of that show was the verrrry tiny seed that grew into this blog because every episode of that show was a very special episode.

The Facts of Life' Is the Ultimate '80s Comfort Food Sitcom | PopMatters

Our hosts for tonight’s episodes are Jimmy Kimmel and the great Norman Lear (who by the way looks amazing at 99). What’s interesting about both of these episodes is that the characters are all played by adults who probably grew up watching these shows when they originally aired — a fact that I find very charming.

Now let’s get into the episode. Lisa Whelchel sings The Facts of Life theme song (an Alan Thicke classic) in an Eastland uniform and is joined on set by Kim Fields and Mindy Cohn (who looks super cute with gray hair). I don’t know where Nancy McKeon is, but I guess she’s continuing to skip all the reunions. The originally cast briefly waves to the audience and then we start the show.

Kathryn Hahn is playing Jo in this episode and it’s WONDERFUL casting. I love Kathryn Hahn in just about anything but boy is this casting a gift that I did not expect. She’s definitely doing a caricature though while the others seem to at least be trying to play it straight. Jennifer Anniston as Blair is also kind of magical, but she seems a little too smart to be Blair. I’ll also add that Ann Dowd is playing Mrs. Garrett in both of these episodes and she completely nails Charlotte Rea’s Mrs. Garrett voice. Gabrielle Union and Allison Tolman do such a good job as Tootie and Natalie, respectively, that I wasn’t distracted by the fact that I was watching Gabrielle Union and Allison Tolman. I just kinda accepted them as the characters, which I’m surprised I was able to do because they’re obviously not the right age for these parts lol.

In this episode, the girls are preparing boxed picnic meals that the boys from their sister (brother?) school will vote on as a fundraiser. It’s supposed to be anonymous, but Blair told her crush (played by Will Arnett) what was in her box so that they could have a picnic together. Natalie, however, was less direct and simply packed her box with her crush’s favorites. She’s also gushed about him in Blair’s Slam Book (think Burn Book for all you millennials out there who didn’t watch 80’s reruns in excess). Unfortunately, Blair tells Natalie’s crush (played by Jason Bateman) about Natalie’s notes and her boxed meal, so he rejects her before the bidding even starts. He does it in a very nice way (he has a steady girlfriend) but Natalie takes is super hard.

Everything goes according to plan for Blair, until Natalie seeks her revenge by urging Carl (a nerdy young man played by Jon Stewart) to outbid Blair’s crush. She does this by calling Carl and pretending to be Blair. Ick.

Jennifer Anniston’s Blair seems way meaner than I ever remember Lisa Whelchel’s version being. This is most apparent when Blair confronts Natalie in the kitchen for her revenge prank. It feels like I’m watching Alex from The Morning Show yell at Natalie and I’m uncomfortable. And honestly, I’m shocked to say this because Natalie feels way crueler in this episode than Blair, but Allison Tolman just seems way less intimidating than Jennifer Anniston.

Then ALL the girls get a talking to and Mrs. Garrett says they’re all lacking in compassion — which definitely seems unfair because Tootie and Jo didn’t even do anything. Having figured out what was really going on through a discussion with the other boys, Carl enters the kitchen and returns Blair’s dinner box to her.

Jo then volunteers to take the box and eat dinner with Carl (cause she didn’t want to have dinner with anyone and bid on her own box — like honestly as a grownup Jo is by far my favorite character). But a very guilty Natalie, tries to take the box from Jo. And then Jo is like um no why would he want to eat with someone who was mean to him?? And then Blair finally decides to do the right thing and takes the box back, so that she can have dinner with a very nice person. Turns out they have a lovely dinner when they both realize they love modern art!

Honestly, this was an insane premise. Mrs. Garrett, this is kind of on you for thinking high school kids wouldn’t get up to some serious shenanigans with picnic box bidding. That said, Natalie had the cruelest intentions of all. Dark stuff, man. Dark stuff. This is definitely NOT my favorite episode, but I thought the cast did a nice job with it and I am glad they picked an episode from earlier in the show’s run.

Anyway, we’re then treated to a lovely post show with Kim, Lisa, and Mindy! They all commended Ann Dowd’s performance! I agree with them!

The Rugrats Reboot Is Terrifying (These Shoes Are Cute Tho)…

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In yet another reboot we never asked for, Paramount+ gives us scary CGI Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, and ANGELICA. She’s even scarier now if that were even possible! I won’t post photos here because I’m not looking to traumatize anyone.

In better news, Puma is releasing a Rugrats collab next week and it actually looks pretty cute. You can preview the collection here (and in the shot below).

PHOTO: PUMA and Nickelodeon team up to celebrate "Rugrats" 30th anniversary with new collection.

Saved By the Bell: The College Years | A Thanksgiving Story

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At the top of this episode, the gang’s resident advisor (Mike) who is about thirty-five years old announces that he will be hosting Thanksgiving dinner for a group of underprivileged kids. For this reason, he can’t use his NFL tickets.

Mike offers the tickets up to the group and only-child Zack pitches a whole sob story about how his “brother” Teddy has just returned from the Peace Corps and would love to attend an NFL game with him because Zack is a sociopath. He doesn’t even want to go to the game. As it turns out, his plan is to scalp the tickets.

Meanwhile, Slater coaches his girlfriend, Alex on how to make a good impression at his family’s Thanksgiving Dinner.

  • Don’t talk politics with Slater’s father
  • Laugh at his uncle’s jokes
  • Pretend to be Mexican when speaking to his grandma

Sounds like this relationship is destined for long-term success!

A college friend, Leslie, declines an invite to spend Thanksgiving with Kelly, opting instead to help Mike with his dinner. She says her family isn’t big on Thanksgiving, which Zack is surprised to hear because her ancestors were on the Mayflower.

Leslie asserts that some of her ancestors were at the First Thanksgiving, and invented the three bean salad. (No amount of facepalm emojis will suffice. Please go back and click that link if you skipped over it.)

Leslie spends most of her day making turkey place cards out of construction paper and school glue. They’re actually pretty cute. But Mike reprimands her, saying: “These are tough street kids, not the Olsen kids.” Because I guess only wealthy white kids enjoy crafts? What the actual fuck, Mike?

Saved by the Bell: The College Years" A Thanksgiving Story (TV Episode 1993) - IMDb

A lot of things happen in quick succession: Mike and Screech attempt to lift a pool table. Mike injures his back. Screech tries to help Mike by pushing his wheelchair, but Screech sucks so he rams the wheelchair into a wall at top speed. Mike ends up with a concussion. Screech decides to stay with Mike and “help” him even though Mike begs him to go back home to LA with everyone else.

Lucky for everyone else, Screech isn’t with them when they take a shortcut on the drive back to LA and breakdown in the middle of nowhere. I can only assume the one thing that would make that awful situation worse is Screech.

Zack is stressed because he wants to get back home and sell the NFL tickets. When they see a car, they all try to flag it down except for Alex who scares off the passing vehicle by pretending her flashlight is a gun because she believes them to be Pod People…because they drive a Chevy.

AC Slater and Alex Tabor trading card Saved by the Bell 1994 Pacific #24 Kiersten Warren Mario Lopez at Amazon's Entertainment Collectibles Store

Everyone thinks she’s stupid, and she is deeply heart by their reactions. She sounds delusional. Like maybe it’s just the stress of breaking down on the road in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night, but like she may want to consider seeking professional help.

After spending the night by the broken down car, the gang gets towed back to college on Thanksgiving morning.

Zack announces that he’s trying to fly back to LA on standby. Kelly tells him he’s selfish. (He is.) He denies it. (Of course he does.) And Slater calls him out for not adding anyone else’s name to the standby list.

After talking things over with Mike, they all decide to spend Thanksgiving with the underprivileged kids. The only problem is that Screech switched out the order for cooked turkeys to an order for frozen turkeys in order to save a little money.

So the kids show up to eat while the turkeys are still frozen. Zack runs off to find an open store while Screech tries to thaw the turkeys with a hair dryer. (I am sure this is not a best practice for food safety.)

Before he leaves, we learn that Zack secured a spot on the standby list by pretending to be a doctor picking up an organ donation. (Just in case you thought he wasn’t a piece of shit. Wanted to set that record straight real quick.)

Zack returns from Seven Eleven (the only open store, which he tells us repeatedly in an offensive accent like he’s trying to be Apu or something.)

While Screech tries to thaw the turkeys in a sauna (yikes), the news interviews Mike. In the middle of the interview, Screech serves the kids a platter of turkey jerky…ugh. Zack also tries to co-opt the interview to request an extra plane ticket to LA. GEEZE.

Then Jonathan Brandis shows up with an actual cooked turkey and if you’re a millennial girl then you’re heart just broke in one thousand different ways. (If you’re not a millennial girl, Jonathan Brandis was like a baby River Pheonix whose life also ended tragically at a young age.)

Sweet Angel Jonathan Brandis saw the turkey jerky news report and decided to deliver an actual meal to the kids! It turns out a few celebrities had this same idea (and all evidently live in the San Francisco area) because Marsha Warfield from Night Court shows up next with another beautiful turkey. Jenna von Oy from Blossom arrives next (btw Kelly Kapowski is announcing all of these people as they enter.) Jenna brought pie btw.

Jonathan Brandis in Saved by the bell: The College Years - video dailymotion
Marsha & Jonathan sit down for dinner with no food.

Then Mr. Belding from the show’s original run show up to honestly as many fan cheers as Jonathan, Marsha, and Jenna got. And this sounds like a live studio audience but honestly idk I guess it could be a track. He’s in town to visit his mother and decided to bring by some mashed potatoes, which he promptly asks Jenna von Oy’s to sign her name. Considering that Jenna is approximately sixteen years old at the time of this filming, it’s more than a little weird.

Kelly makes a nice little speech about thankfulness just in time for Brian Austin Green to show up with cranberry sauce. OMG THIS WAS A LEGIT 90’S WHO’S WHO. I truly wasn’t into this episode at all but this ending was all very heartwarming to my millennial heart. (Fun fact: This episode was probably filmed shortly before Tiffani Thiessen became Brian’s castmate on 90210.)

Brian Austin Green & Tiffani-Amber Theissen | Brian austin green, Tiffani thiessen, Beverly hills 90210

Zack pulls Kelly aside to do something truly nice for once. He’s gotten a ticket back to LA and he’s giving it to her. Zack tells Kelly her happiness is more important that money and she says, “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” which is really kind of a bummer when you think about it.

Very Special Thanksgiving Lesson: Do not outsource your supply chain management (unless you live in an area with a lot of very giving celebrities willing to pitch in at the eleventh hour.)

In other exciting news. The SBTB reboot is now streaming on Peacock! Have any of you watched it yet? Let me know in the comments!

This Week in TV: 'Saved by the Bell,' 'Flight Attendant,' Thanksgiving NFL | Hollywood Reporter

Saved by the Bell: Fake IDs

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Hello, thank you for reading my dissertation. 

To be honest, I was very confident that I had already covered this episode a long time ago. I mean, MY GOD, the title is SO very special. But it appears that any commentary on this one only happened in my head, so here ya go!

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A beautiful woman walks into The Max. Zack rushes up to her and starts taking photos of her. Because this is a young male fever dream sitcom, she doesn’t find this incredibly creepy. She’s wearing a USC sweatshirt. Zack pretends he is also a freshman at USC. (I’m not sure of the timing of this episode but he’s probably about sixteen). She needs a phone. The payphone is occupied. Zack hands her his obscenely large first-generation 1984 cell-phone.

The woman calls roadside assistance but balks when they tell her she has to wait an hour. So Zack offers to change her tire for her. (Never in my life do I believe this boy has done manual labor of any kind. Zack Morris changing a tire would SHOCK me to my core, but sadly this happens off-screen so it’s kind of a let down.)

Anyway, Zack’s obviously not a USC student and this lady has clearly driven away. So you’re probably like seems like a dead end, what could possibly happen next??

idsWell, I’m so glad you asked. It turns out, Zack had that camera because he and the other kids are taking a photography class. They decide to use the class to make fake-IDs. (Seems like a bit of a stretch but whateverrr.) The plan is to then meet the USC woman at an “over eighteen club.”

Okay, so…now I have some questions. Who is going to an “over eighteen club” in college? Are you not trying to sneak into the real clubs when you’re in college but not yet twenty-one? I always felt like everyone in an over eighteen club was probably a minor and anyone who wasn’t a teenager at an over eighteen club was a creep. But seeing as how this USC freshman is still a teen, I’m actually just starting to think she’s kind of lame and doesn’t know where to hang out.

My other question is why is Zack bringing Screech with him to the club? Is it because he owed him for making the ID? Is this a quid-pro-quo kind of situation? Now Slater, I get. You need a wing man and Slater looks even older than Zack, so it lends credibility to the “old enough to be in this club” thing. (Oh and by the way, if you’re looking for hot tips to sneak into clubs you’re actually in the very much wrong place for that and please don’t let my Zack/Slater club theory influence any of your decisions in life. Now, that I’ve satisfied the assurance needs of my self-diagnosed Responsibility OCD, let’s move on.)

saved_by_the_bell_s3e9_sony_smc70Zack’s mom is suspicious that he is having a sleepover with Slater and Screech, so she brings them brownies and then checks the room for girls. (I mean I fucking love this woman. This is GOOD parenting.) Slater also addresses her at “mom” which I find simultaneously adorable and off-putting.

In order to not look like a thirteen year old, Screech wears a fake mustache. It does make him look older, but it’s so obviously fake that it just shouldn’t work. Also, I don’t think anyone at an over eighteen bar is really growing a lot of facial hair (see above). So this should automatically be a red flag.

Zack and the tire woman kiss almost immediately, so I guess he got what he was looking for. Slater agrees to dance with her friend, but he says he has a girlfriend and he won’t do anything more than dance. Further proving that he is the MORAL COMPASS of this show.

So here’s the big thing though. Everything, I just wrote is UNIMPORTANT compared to this. Zack, Screech, and Slater see Kelly’s new, older boyfriend making out with SOMEONE ELSE. But see, Jeff’s existence at this club further proves my point because I feel like Jeff is about seventy-five years old (ugh okay maybe it’s more like he’s a college sophomore). But Kelly is a BABY. All these kids are BABIES. They learned to drive in a GOLF CART. They’re not ready for any kind of interaction outside of the safe, safe walls of Bayside.

attic-1Screech lets this info slip to Jessie and Lisa. They convince Zack that he has to be the one to tell Kelly the truth. (Bad move.) She yells at him and calls him jealous, of course. So Jessie and Lisa decide to sneak into the club too, so they can take a photo and prove the truth to Kelly. But all of this is frankly unnecessary because Kelly speaks to Screech and asks him what happened. He cries and she believes he really did see Jeff kiss someone else.

No one has to take a photo because Kelly shows up at the club and sees him making out with someone else with her own two eyes. Oh and then Zack’s mom shows up to tell him she knows he’s been sneaking out! (He left that giant cell-phone in his room and his mom answered it when the college woman called to say she was running late to the club.)

Very Special Lesson: Ugh, girl I know you’re barely in college but can’t you spot a high school boy when you see one? Kelly, Jeff is trash. Zack is trash. Sorry, girl, you should probably talk to other people at your high school. Slater, Zack, and Screech CANNOT be the only dudes you know. Don’t do that to yourself.

Oh and happy Mean Girls Day by the way!
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Big News from Bayside – DREAMS COME TRUE

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It felt like a long-shot. But here we are. And dare I say it? The reboot craze has come for Saved by the Bell! (Oh please please please don’t let this be weird like BH90210.)

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For those of you who weren’t already planning to follow The Office over to NBC’s new streaming platform, now that you’ll get new episodes of Saved by the Bell, what more reason could you need??? The plot sounds weird as hell and I am HERE FOR IT.

Basically, Zack Morris becomes Governor of California. I can totally buy him as a charming, sociopathic politician so def. good character development there. And then here’s where things get a little weird..we get to see Zack Morris handle school integration!! Yeahhhhh idk what we’re going to get, but I promise to report back to you on that.

We’ve had a lot of good times with Saved by the Bell here at The VSB and I’m excited for new adventures! This reboot has me all nostalgic for some of my favorite posts from years past:

But new episodes have also reminded me that maybeeee, just maybeeee, I haven’t given the original series quite enough attention. Stay tuned for new posts on:

  • The Malibu Sands Episodes
  • Zack and Kelly’s Wedding in Vegas!
  • All of the latent (and not so latent) misogyny

Okay, bye for now!!

Regarding: “One Day at a Time”

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Hello, hi. It’s me again! I know it’s been a while. In fact, I haven’t even been watching that much television lately because I’ve been busy devouring Bad Blood (the book about Theranos) and listening to “The Drop Out” (the podcast about Theranos). Should my next blog be about grifters?

Anywa, I’m here today to appeal to you about “One Day at a Time,” a.k.a. the only good reboot of the recent reboot trend (and I will die on this hill!) I reviewed the first episode of the first season way back when it was first released.

But I’m bringing it up again now because the show has just returned for its third season and word on the street is that renewal is not exactly a lock. And that would be so, so terrible.

This is the best possible reincarnation of the classic sitcom I like to write about on this blog. The new One Day at a Time is tackling “very special” issues in a way that is neither silly nor trite. In fact, I can hardly write about it because it is a vast improvement on the old school shows I grew up with. But I’m writing today to make a simple plea that you give it a watch. It’s the kind of show I would want to watch with my kids, if I had them, and that I would have loved to have the opportunity to watch when I was growing up.

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Kristy and The Great Reboot Idea

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ec64c567-ea00-4d5e-89be-225938f4cfbaFYI the latest reboot is The Baby-Sitters Club. I seriously could devote an entire blog to reboots at this point, but that is NOT my vibe.

The original BSC series was my jam. It originated on HBO in 1990, but those of us without that cable-packaged movie-channel add-on luxury were lucky enough to catch it in reruns on The Disney Channel in the mid 90’s.

So with this reboot I’m having a mixture of feelings, even more so than usual, because the news of this reboot makes me feel simultaneously very happy and very old. I didn’t realize how old the original series was until this very point in time. I was like “wtf it’s not like as old as Magnum, P.I.” But the thing is, it is like as old as Magnum, P.I. *Insert light weeping noises here.*

But in the spirit of summer, I’m going to bury bummer feelings into a glass of rosé and review every damn episode of this magical series in order because it is TIMELESS and I’m just majorly bummed that reboots have killed reruns. If they reboot Cheers, I will lose my mother-effing mind.

That said, the original BSC series is available on Hulu, Amazon, and Netflix. Watch along, won’t you?

First post on Friday.

Roseanne: A Bitter Pill to Swallow

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In light of the fact that Roseanne’s controversial new season recently finished its run and even more recently got canceled due to its creator’s penchant for racist tweeting, I thought I’d look back at a simpler time when Roseanne’s character was pretty much completely different from her updated version.

Back in the fourth season of the shows original run, Roseanne’s oldest daughter (original Becky not Becky from Scrubs) decides to talk to her mother about birth control.

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It wasn’t until this past Fall when I was sick with a cold and baby-sitting for a demogorgon masquerading as a cat that I happened to catch this episode on TV.

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Video footage of me cat-sitting, Fall 2017.

Becky’s original plan was to go to a clinic and get a prescription, but after talking with her Aunt Jackie, she decides to ask her mom to take her to the gynecologist. Roseanne holds it together while Becky is in the room, but then she totally freaks out when she leaves.

But like that’s good. I mean who wouldn’t freak out when their kid asked them for birth control for the first time? It’s good that she does this with her sister instead of her kid. And when Roseanne hears her friend’s baby crying in the next room, she realizes she can pull herself together and help Becky. It’s really a sweet episode where Roseanne perfectly encapsulates a healthy amount of compartmentalization, struggling privately with her shifting mother-role while expertly support her daughter when she needs her most.

Oh and by the way, this episode was written by Amy Sherman-Palladino, so it’s possible I am just an Amy Sherman-Palladino fan and not an original-run Roseanne fan…but I’m still very, very mad about the Gilmore Girls revival.

Just One More Minute and Then I’ll Shut Up About Reboots…

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1. I should turn off this Google Alert situation but…

2. ALL THAT REUNION IN APRIL THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!

Other things of note: Xena isn’t the only reboot with an LGBTQ take on a classic. Remember, Heathers and how I not so long ago said there was no way in hell they could make that show interesting for me? Well, I may have spoken too soon. Here’s the scoop according to Washington Blade:
Heather Chandler – The “Queen Bee” Heather will be overweight.
Heather McNamara – The “Dumb Blonde” Heather will be a black lesbian.
Heather Duke -The “Wannabee” (or “green with envy” if you like the color commentary) Heather will be gender-queer.
So since all of the Heathers possess qualities that would have made the OG Heathers rip them to shreds and ruin their entire existence, I’m kind of interested to see this world in which the cool kids don’t fit the classic trope. But this will only work if it’s sincere and not just some ill-fated gimmick.

Also, MacGyver cast this dude as MacGyver and he’s so cute that I just might be on board with that reboot too. What’s happening to me??? His name is Lucas Till and I love him (even though I just learned who he is). Thank you Google Alerts.nep0shttippdup_1_c

Your TV Reboot Weekly Digest

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So two things: 1. I have accepted a new position at work and I’ve learned the magic of Google Alerts 2. I decided to sign up for Google Alerts on my personal email for a couple of “very special things.” (just kidding this is actually 3 things) 3. I’ve realized that I don’t really care about most of the things I get alerts for but here’s some stuff I thought might be interesting:

  1. MacGyver is getting a TV reboot and hasn’t yet cast MacGyver. MacGyver was my favorite show when I was 2 (I had great taste at an early age) so I’m strongly against this reboot for person reasons. But here’s one thing that I do think is worth watching: This Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers re-imagined as MacGyver fan-made opening credits sequence (geez I feel like maybe I made that description longer than necessary…)

2. TVLand is working on a Heathers reboot. I’m very, very on the fence about this one. The film version of Heathers is not only one of my favorite movies, but one of my favorite pieces of pop culture ever. I think it’s truly one of a kind. I was incredibly pro-Heathers: The Musical and even went for my 24th birthday. But I left feeling disappointed. The costumes were great, the actors were talented, but the show made me sad. And that’s largely because it didn’t feel like a black comedy anymore.
Veronica and JD were so emotional that I mostly just wanted to take them to a therapist and then lead an anti-bullying seminar at their school. Black comedies walk a fine line and Heathers especially has sensitive subject matter. It’s very easy to fall on the wrong side of that line. But if they can get Winona Ryder somehow on board for this TV Series (and extra points for Christian Slater) then I’m willing to support it.
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3. Xena Warrior Princess reboot. Now, this is something I can get behind. I mostly watched Xena when I was home sick from school, but even at an early age I could tell there was some serious Xena/Gabrielle subtext. Before you get too excited, I need to stress that this is currently in the planning stages. It’s not in development, they haven’t cast a pilot, and who knows if the network will even go for it. But the show’s executive producer,Javier Grillo-Marxuach, did say: “There is no reason to bring back Xena if it is not there for the purpose of fully exploring a relationship that could only be shown subtextually in first-run syndication in the 1990s.” That sounds incredibly interesting, so I hope this one actually happens.

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