Author: theveryspecialblog

Fraiser-gate or How Netflix is Raising Prices on Bad Service

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I was perusing the Facebook when I noticed that “Netflix” was trending due to a $1 per month streaming-only price-hike. That’s $12/year or 4 grande blonde roasts from Starbucks. How dare they force me to reallocate my coffee money! So of course, I clicked the trending tag to see what the eff they were trying to pull. And this is when I saw “Posts from Groups and Friends.” For those of you unaware, this is where Facebook creepily shares things from people you may or may not know amongst the “news” you were looking for.

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This peaked my interest so I decided to check out his timeline. What I found was so intriguing that it momentarily distracted me from the price-hike to a much more important cause. A friend-of-friends from college has been engaged in a quest to see the last 45 seconds of Fraiser Season 11 Episode 12 (or “Fraiser-Lite) for the past few weeks. After first learning of the incident on September 28th, Netflix cannot or will not solve this issue. But Netflix didn’t realizethey were dealing with the Don Quixote of internet causes.

This is his story:

At first, Netflix seemed genuinely interested.

But then he probably became too much of a nuisance and they allegedly kicked him off of the Netflix account he shares with his sister. Nevertheless, he continued to pursue justice:

When Twitter failed him, he wrote a detailed letter.
Screen Shot 2015-10-09 at 10.15.48 PMAnd submitted it via the “Problems Watching” form.
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As of 9:59 CST tonight, this issue has not been fixed. As someone who loves TV and loves college and loves people from college who love TV, I feel that I must take up this mantle. And friends, if you too experience issues with Netflix do not stay silent. Tell them that you will not stand for an increase in price without an increase in quality!

BraveStarr: The Price

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First of all, I would like to thank very special reader, DT Nova, for informing me that this exists. From the title alone, I would have expected it to be some weird 70’s porno and thus we would never have had this post. This post is brought to you by the Arthur Vining Davis Foundation, the Pew Charitable Trusts, and by readers like you (well, actually only the last one).

Looking at this as a total outsider/new viewer, I would say that BraveStarr kind of throws a Jem vibe–except if Jem were filled with cultural misappropriation. So basically they live in a futuristic space-cowboy land. It’s a space-version of the wild west complete with fringed tops and bolo ties. And BraveStarr is the marshall of this space town.

Things get pretty intense pretty quickly. Like 3 minutes into the show, some dude is flipping out and ready to kill everyone because he thinks there are spiders everywhere. There’s also a line that I swear sounds like “You want to eat me, but I’ll let you.” What is the rating on this? Am I old enough to be watching this?

So then Bravestarr’s horse/partner restrains the hallucinating guy, who is apparently high on a drug called “Spin.” All’s well, right? Nope. We cut to a personified wolf selling Spin to kids. They probably trust him because of his British accent and three-piece suit, but one of them is smart enough not to let him pour the effervescent/seemingly on fire liquid that is “Spin” into the palm of his hand.

Yep, that’s how you do Spin, kids.  A creepy wolf-man will pour some magic liquid into your palm, and nope you are not yet high on drugs. I will say that this episode is probably the best personification of the “drugs as black magic” motif that seemed to haunt all of my “educational” anti-drug lessons as a child.

With each passing moment, the people of space-cowboy-town are dying from the Spin epidemic. The little kid who was like hell no, I am not doing Spin, almost tells the marshall about the wolf-man pusher. But he remembers that he promised he wouldn’t tell. So then his friend keeps doing drugs, and then he starts to speak in a creepy voice. He literally sounds like he has had a lobotomy and like spin is the only word he can remember how to accurately pronounce.

But the straight-edge friend is still trying to keep his promise, so he leaves his friend to hallucinate alone in a room while he goes off to think. The kid’s just kind of like well, my friend is in trouble but I promised I would keep a secret. But he might die. And the shaman is like promises are important but so are lives. And the kid is like omg, yeah! But he doesn’t tell the shaman. Instead, he runs off to find BraveStarr but he just narrowly misses him. See, it seems like maybe he should have told the shaman.

OH my gosh those wolves are dingoes! Okay, so are we in Australia? I’m not sure exactly what’s going on with this galaxy, but BraveStarr arrests a lot of dingoes for selling Spin. Finally, the kid gets in touch with BraveStarr and they try to save his friend, but it’s too late. This death is supposed to remind us all not to do drugs. But I feel like maybe it’s just reminding me not to take weird liquid from a wolf-man. I’m pretty sure that I would never do that anyway.

Very Special Lesson: I feel like I should let you watch this PSA for yourselves:

Family Matters: Stevil

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This episode is terrifying. It’s so abnormal for Family Matters to pull something like this that they had to have Steve warn the audience that this episode is “a little scary” (a.k.a. get the kids out of the room, or they will all have nightmares forever). Well, I was a kid that was not removed from the room, and thus ventriloquist dummies have been horrifying to me ever since. Today, I conquer that fear.

Steve makes a ventriloquist dummy that looks exactly like him. But he sucks at being a ventriloquist. So he goes to bed feeling dejected, and in the night lightning/a demon spirit strikes the dummy and he basically becomes the spawn of Satan. You know, good clean Halloween fun.

Steve wakes up in the night and the dummy speaks to him in the most frightening voice I can imagine. It’s second only in scariness to a Furby when the batteries start to die. (I even removed the batteries from mine and it still talked!!! So I locked it in a cabinet for years because it was obviously evil.) Steve tries to tell everyone about the demon in their house, but no one believes him.

Then we learn that apparently this only happened because Steve wished that the dummy could talk. Also, the dummy hates the Winslows and pretty much wants to murder all of them. And by pretty much I mean literally. Wtf. This is a family show. It’s called Family Matters. You can’t just have creepy dummies murdering the family puts the family in Family Matters.

Blissfully unaware, the two youngest Winslows head out to trick-or-treat as Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippin. Carl warns them not to eat any of it until he has time to inspect it because everyone was worried about razor blades in candy in the 90’s. Anyway, Steve thinks they’re all safe because he’s locked Stevil away (just like my Furby), only Stevil finds a way out of his prison!

He sneaks down the chimney and tricks poor, dumb Eddie into thinking he’s Santa. Then he straight up kills him. One of the Winslows is already dead! Then Stevil chops Laura up into pieces and puts her body in all of the kitchen cabinets. It’s horrible, but she can still talk and quip and I guess that’s somehow supposed to make us feel better. But it doesn’t make us feel better! It makes us think that we could be chopped into pieces and live to tell about it as a decapitated person. Ugh!

But the worst, the absolute worst, is when Stevil turns Harriet into a jack-in-the-box. Like this is actually going to give me nightmares right now at 25 and I have no shame in that. So then, Steve goes into the living room to tell Carl that Stevil has dismembered literally everyone in his family.

And Carl laughs. He doesn’t believe him. It’s all so ridiculous. He tells Steve to lighten up. AND THEN IT TURNS OUT THAT CARL IS STEVIL’S VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY. The only thing left to do is for Steve to physically fight Stevil, which is surprisingly hard. I mean Steve doesn’t have the best hand-eye coordinator, and for a while it seems like Stevil will probably win this fight.

But then Steve rips off Stevil’s head and dismembers him like Stevil did to the Winslows. But then Stevil’s body parts find all of their missing pieces and reconnect. And like basically at this point, if I were Steve, I’d pretty much decide I was doomed. But then Steve wakes up and it’s just a dream. (Ah, yes. The dream trope.) And then Eddie threatens to lobotomize Steve with a hand-mixer. But that’s just a dream too! So then Steve wakes up for real and he and Eddie go off to have a nice day and the dummy is just a dummy.

VERY Early Halloween Lesson: But, like do you guys think I should call my dad and warn him about the Furby that’s locked in a cabinet in my childhood bedroom?

Bye forever, crafts.

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Tonight, I decided to give up crafting for good. I used to have a knack for it, but something’s gone wrong. When I was trying to make a pop-up book scene with Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan warming up for the ’94 Lillehammer Olympics, I realized I was out of my league. Nancy was fine and moved along her little figure skating track with poise and ease. But Tanya’s glue got stuck on the edge of the track, and when I tried to move her piece across the page, she ripped the whole bottom of the rink. She’s always having problems. I tried to glue everything back together, but all hope was lost. And honestly, it didn’t match my vision to begin with. I’m pretty sure I’ve got the crafting yips, so I’m just going to give up and point. I’m not even going to fail gracefully or persevere until the job is done. And you know what, I’d also like to apologize to Tanya Harding. Even in pop-up books, I’ve managed to create a world where the odds were stacked against her.

But before, I go. I’d like to share with you my swan song. Oh, how I wish it had all ended here and that I hadn’t tried to follow it up with an overly ambitious task prompted by having too much card stock. As Tanya knows, ambition can make us do stupid things. But let’s now remember a time, last week, when things were simpler and I still felt skilled and adept with my use of craft products. I give you my final achievement: The Ms. Pac-Man Flower Vase:

And now I’m going to sulk myself to sleep.

I finally watch “Scream” (and get too emotionally invested)

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The ghostface mask haunted my childhood even though I never saw the movie. In the fourth grade, my best friend dressed up as the ghostface killer for Halloween and I wanted nothing to do with her. As it turns out, I really should have heeded this warning as she turned out to be a colossal sociopathic bitch but that’s a story for another time.

Anyway, fall is in the air, Halloween is just around the corner, and I’m feeling Drew Barrymore’s haircut. It’s been like almost 20 years since this movie came out and that probably means that I’m now old enough to see it, right? I got a little spooked in part of The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo and the opening credits to Are You Afraid of the Dark? still terrify me…so it’s possible that this is a poor choice.

Spoilers abound, but I trust that everyone else on the planet has seen this movie by this point in time. I mean by the time the phone rings for the third time, I feel like Drew should seriously stop answering it. Poor Drew. I really just want to hang out with her and be her friend right now and this dude is being such a monster. (Am I getting too attached to these characters?)

DON’T TURN ON THE PATIO LIGHT. OMG WHYYYYY. Why don’t these people listen? Where are the parents?? She should not have turned off the light. Steve was like totally telling her not to turn off the light. Drew, I wanted to hang with you and I know you are traumatized right now but you’re being dumb as shit. I am now hearing weird noises and refusing to look at the screen. The rest of the movie-watching may very well proceed in this manner. Poor, poor Drew. This is so sad. Okay, that’s it. I’m totally invested now and we have to find this ghostface killer and make him pay! What an asshole!

Neve Campbell’s boyfriend, Billy kind of looks like a poor man’s Johnny Depp. I feel like he’s a jerk though. OMG the Fonz is in this movie?!? Oh crap, and it’s super heartbreaking what happened to Neve’s mom! Also, like really really odd that her dad would leave her home alone only a year after that happened…such a horror movie setup.

Is this town just filled with the best houses ever? Like if people weren’t frequently brutally murdered here, I would seriously want to move to this town. Also, could you actually call 911 from a computer and like instant chat an operator in 1996? That’s probably a movie thing, right?

Woah, I did not even recognize Courtney Cox. Her hair is so different than what I’m used to! She does seem like a bit of a jerk but Neve is probably being too hard on her. Also, I feel like Neve maybe wasn’t that close with her boyfriend if she could think he was the murderer just because he had a cell phone. I mean, maybe he’s just really on trend. But like I still hate him. Billy is a loser. But is he a killer??

I’m so into this movie. How did I hide from it for years? It’s soooo good. What if Henry Winkler is the killer? I also believe it could be Rose McGowan or David Arquette. Okay, did I just name everyone in the cast? Anyway, this is obviously a much better use of my time than the pounds of laundry I have to do. (Some days, I miss fluff & fold.)

Aw guys, remember when David Arquette and Courtney Cox loved each other? And she was even Courtney Cox Arquette for a little while?

Maybe, the killer is Neve’s dad. I mean he’s been “out of town” like the entire time this has been going on and he’s not at that hotel he said he’d be staying at. Ugh, okay video store guy just accused the dad of being a red herring. This is so meta. Love it.

Billy really is weird, but I think he’s the red herring. Everyone is a red herring! Okay, but yeah her dad is definitely a red herring. Kind of wish I was seeing this in a movie theater where I would have lost all track of time. But no, here I can see there’s an hour left and there’s no way he’s the bad guy.

Also, I feel like these kids are being kind of rude having a party right now with all of the awfulness going on in their town. And I guess, Rose McGowan is also not the killer. It was pretty ambitious of her to try to make it through a door made for a cat. I mean she certainly went down swinging.

Is Billy a red herring or not??? Omg and then all of these sick teenagers rush over to the football field to see poor Henry Winkler’s body there. That’s just wrong. Like wtf. I mean maybe this is actually some kind of hell-on-earth with awful people and a psycho killer and that’s just the natural order of things in this town.

Okay. I guess Billy is pretty definitely not the killer since he was just murdered right in front of Neve. Woah.
Courtney Cox NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
David Arquette too??

This movie is just full of heartbreaks.

So who did it? Video store kid or Shaggy from Scooby Doo, the live action films? Also, it’s truly remarkable that Billy is still kicking. Don’t give him the gun though. Everyone alive is still a suspect!!! OMG IT IS BILLY. I knew he was a jerk! This went back and forth for so long. So who is his accomplice? SHAGGY FROM SCOOBY DOO! What will the Mystery Team say??

And they framed her mother’s killer too?!? That’s some sick shit.
Well, really this just teaches you not to be friends with psychos.

Omg, yay Courtney Cox hooray! Now you and Neve can be best friends. Oh gosh darn it. This never ends. How in the hell is Billy still alive? Okay, Courtney Cox to the rescue for real this time.

You guys, this was an emotional roller coaster. I do not think I could handle this again. I just really hope that this town/school system has provides experienced crisis counselors, free of charge, to everyone involved. This was a freaking psychological war zone. But I still think Drew’s hair is really on point in this film.

The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo

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90’s children rejoice! Nickelodeon has finally indulged us and plans to rerun the stories of our youth on a new segment called “The Splat.” Beginning October 5th the programming block (including VSB favorites Salute Your Shorts and Clarissa Explains it All) will air between 10 pm and 6 am to perfectly align with your quarter-life-crisis induced insomnia. For the well-adjusted of you who have to go to sleep in order to make it to your jobs on time, you’ll probably need to DVR this.

I searched for an eternity just now and couldn’t find the article I read earlier this week that basically explained why millennials love the TV shows of our youth so much. It was a lot more profound than this, but it boils down to the fact that we lack the financial resources to meet all of the “adult” milestones we feel like we should (i.e. house-owning, loan paying-off-ing, marrying and acquiring offspring, etc). Basically, we’re comparing ourselves to how we imagined adults to be when we were youngsters and we’re failing because we don’t live in that world anymore (see: mountains of student loan debt et al). We’re also overly educated, underemployed balls of anxiety who’ve put tremendous amounts of pressure on ourselves under rules that don’t exist anymore only to also be told by society that we’re whiny, extendedly-adolescent people.

And you know what, that makes us feel bad. It literally feels like being kicked when you’re down. I’m sorry for the douche bags who make our generation look bad, but most of us are quietly spinning our wheels and trying to figure out how to adjust. So we watch TV shows (which costs way less than a vacation) that remind us of a simpler time. Also, I know I joke about a lot of the stupid crap messages these shows were sending, but their hearts were in the right place. And some of them (Boy Meets World, Clarissa Explains it All, The Secret World of Alex Mack) had really great writing that I can still legitimately enjoy today.

So that was all a very long introduction to say that I feel like The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo was wrongfully overlooked on this lineup. Shelby Woo lived with her grandfather (Pat Morita from Happy Days and The Karate Kid) in Cocoa Beach and she solved mysteries. But we’re not talking dinky The Adventure of Mary-Kate and Ashley mysteries. We’re talking like genuine thrillers. Okay, well like thrillers for kids, but I found this show to be like a 7.5 on a 1 to Are You Afraid of the Dark? scale.

For example, the episode I’m watching right now (The Haunted House Mystery) starts with a bunch of cuckoo clocks going off and an old lady screaming alone in the middle of the night. That’s genuine horror, right there. But I could always trust that Shelby would solve the mystery and put things right. She finds out about this scary case when the old lady (she’s no longer screaming at this point) checks into her grandfather’s B&B and says she likes her house but she can’t deal with the haunting. Shelby is fearless so she spends the night in the haunted house and solves the mystery. I’m not going to spoil it for you (like I do every other episode of everything) because there’s no very special lesson. It’s just a cool show. And I’m hoping “The Splat” decides to air it on Halloween.

Captain Planet: Mind Pollution

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I’m so fatigued right now that my brain is probably working at like 25% percent (yep, that just happened) capacity, so a show entitled “Mind Pollution” feels just about right for today’s very special episode.

On another note, I’ve become the “Customer Wow Champion” and recently achieved 200 bonus points by closing out 10 tickets with a rating of “Awesome” in a week. In fact, I shudder that I just shared that with you because I fear I will have jinxed my streak and it’s such a major point of pride for me right now. What is my life that being “Customer Wow Champion” could make or break my self-esteem?? There’s so much pressure when you’re at the top! Things can only go down from here!

But for now, we turn to Captain Planet. For those of you that grew up under a rock (or those younger millennials craving the nostalgia of the 90’s you can’t remember, hello welcome) Captain Planet was an educational cartoon all about saving our great and environmentally-threatened home, the planet Earth. But it was the early 90’s and we’d all been conscripted into the War on Drugs. And that’s how we got this episode with a cartoon teenager buying drugs from a man with a tale in the back streets of Washington, D.C.

This is a drug called “Bliss.” Now, Bliss is a kick-ass drug name and sounds like something I would definitely want to sign-up for. But do not judge a book by its cover because this shit is scary. I’m pretty sure this dude, Boris, tried Bliss once but he’s suddenly dressing like an extra from Miami Vice. He’s also got a pretty nasty gash on his head–presumably from drugs–which his cousin (Linka, for the Captain Planet connection) tries to help him clean up. But he accidentally knocks it out of her hand (again, from drugs) and it lands in the middle of the stove where their uncle/father is preparing blintzes. The moral of this story is that drugs will set your kitchen on fire, and if Captain Planet taught even one child that very important lesson, then this episode was all worth it.

Soon, Bliss-addicted Boris is back in the alleyway buying more drugs from the rat-man (theVillainous Skumm) because Linka threw his drugs down a storm cellar and now he’s illin’ like nobody’s business. Boris claims that Bliss can make you happier than anything else in life and the rat man agrees, saying that “when you’re used to Bliss, anything else is a real pain.” I’m thinking that Bliss must have been an early form of Crystal Meth, especially because Boris is now considering trading his cousin for more Bliss. Yep, that’s right. You thought you were getting an episode about drugs and you’re actually getting a lesson about the dangers of human trafficking.

You see, Boris unwittingly revealed to the rat-man that Linka is a Planeteer and now the rat-man will only sell Boris the Bliss in exchange for Linka. But what does this all have to do with the care-and-keeping of Earth, you say?? Well, as Whoopi Goldberg explains to the rest of the Planeteers, “It’s the most insidious kind of pollution. These kids are polluting their minds and bodies with drugs.” If you thought chlorofluorocarbons ruined the ozone layer, then you were wrong. It was drugs. And we’re all responsible.

Luckily, the Planeteers head to Washington, D.C. to save Linka (who has been force-fed Bliss) from the rest of the addicts/zombies. I mean we’re talking straight-up apocalyptic scenario here. The Planeteers are throwing fire and water like nobody’s business, while the addicts wander around like the living dead in search of more Bliss. The Planeteers need Captain Planet to get out of this. But they can’t call him without Linka, and she’s too high on Bliss to help them.

The Planeteers barricade themselves in a building by placing a thin branch through the handles of some double glass doors–that ought to hold them. Meanwhile, Linka has snuck away to let Boris into the building (so he can provide her with more drugs). Boris attempt to jump through the glass window and starts bleeding out from both wrists (and only wrists, he’s totally unscathed otherwise). This is insanely dark for a children’s cartoon. Luckily, the Planeteers are on-point with their tourniquet techniques. Then they all evacuate the capital. Okay, well maybe they’re not that great at first-aid because Boris dies mid-evacuation. But this is enough to sway Linka to call Captain Planet with the rest of the Planeteers.

The Planeteers support Linka as she goes through a harrowing drug withdrawal. Meanwhile, Skumm accidentally eats some of his own Bliss, ending the episode with a soliloquy, “I’ve polluted myself. No! No!” Alls well that ends well.

But seriously, this is the freaking Grimm’s Fairy Tale of Captain Planet. I feel like I need to curly up with a teddy bear and hide from the scary drugs of America. My friend is an emergency room Social Worker and she literally just posted a PSA begging people to stop doing K2. The appeal of synthetic marijuana is just so lost on me. I know drugs get out of hand, but I feel like ultimately drugs are supposed to be fun. Like even if you’re beyond the point of recreational use, I feel like they’re supposed to provide you with at least a modicum of enjoyment and yet it seems like everyone who uses K2 is just electing to put themselves into this very, very awful episode of Captain Planet.

Very Special Lesson: If you chose to do drugs, do not chose to do any drugs that look even vaguely like they share any of the highs depicted in Captain Planet, Jem, or Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue. You people, are making an honest woman out of Nancy Reagan and I weep for us all.

Girl Meets Cory and Topanga

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I’m so late posting this, you’ve probably all read 70 reviews already. No, I’m the only one who reads that many reviews of one episode? Well, I’m hoping you have time for one more very special review of last night’s episode of Girl Meets World. But this post also has a very special guest star! My boyfriend, who so kindly critiqued this episode with me has allowed me to share his snarky thoughts as well.

In this episode, Riley starts to feel crappy that she’s not very good at anything, whereas Cory and Topanga are pretty much awesome. The boyfriend says, “Well, I’m glad they’re addressing this. She does seem useless. At least little Cory liked baseball.” That’s a fair assessment. For being the lead character in this show, Riley really doesn’t have much of a character.

Riley takes this really far and decides that she’ll never amount to anything in life. Ever. So she tries to become a nun so her life will have meaning. A nun tells her that no one is perfect and no one even comes close to the most perfect person she knows. I thought she was talking about God, but then out walks Topanga–who has just saved their orphanage.

Naturally, the only thing for Riley to do is imagine herself in the stories her parents tell her. That’s right folks, this is NOT A TIME TRAVEL EPISODE. It’s an imagination episode. And it consists of Riley observing her parents in two scenes. The first is where Cory and Topanga bond over shooting “baskets” with clean socks and a laundry basket. This leads Riley to believe she is a “goof” like her dad. But her mom is still perfect.

Until the next memory, the infamous O-zone layer poem scene, in which she and Riley determine that Topanga is even more of a goof than Cory.

All of this somehow confirms to Riley that she is unique (because she is 1/2 Cory and 1/2 Topanga) and will make something out of her life. Then the episode abruptly ends.

Very Special Lesson: If you have no sense of self, but you have cool parents, then don’t worry. You’re going to be just fine because genetics.

Things Get Even Weirder on Girl Meets World

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I’m sure I don’t even have to explain to you that I’m definitely going to be watching tomorrow’s episode of Girl Meets World, but I have to say that this promo
a. makes me feel older than this show already did
b. is kind of making my head spin because like wtf 90’s America + modern day rip off show + all of the nostalgia + my childhood + my current stress levels = what is life in this twilight zone?? and will we see Eric with his awesome hair??
c. is probably something you should watch for yourself and then talk to me about in the comments