So next time I do a bracket challenge, I should probably figure out how to seed these show because Full House won by a landslide. You could probably expect that Full House would win heavily against any first round competition. After all, it did beat out The Brady Bunch in a controversial upset to become the Champion of Vacation Episode Champions.
Sorry Sabrina, but what can I say? First of all, Sabrina took place entirely in Animal Kingdom and the Coronado Spring Resort, whereas Full House went to every park (in existence at the time of the episode) and featured both the Grand Floridian (where the extremely wealthy San Francisco denizens spent their vacation) and The Polynesian Resort (where Michelle hosted a Luau of sorts). It was no contest for integration of setting on this one.
The plot of Sabrina (while much better than that of Roseanne and about on par with Family Matters) revolved around a single task, whereas Full House had tons of subplots and moving parts. That is what they do so well on vacation episodes. That is why this is the team to beat. But I do believe it’s possible. Or do you think they will become double vacation episode title holders?
Sabrina has to go to the Animal Kingdom in order to take a test for her witch’s license. She has to turn her self into an animal with a potion and then also be able to turn herself back (with another potion). I imagine this task would be difficult without thumbs, so I was curious to see how this would play out. But her friend with the straight hair (not curly-haired girl from season 1) and Libby accidentally get the potion instead. So Sabrina has to rescue them and still manages to pass the test, which is stupid because she didn’t actually complete the task at hand.
The best part of this episode is that you get to watch Harvey be the safari tour guide. Aunt Hilda zaps him into that role to get him away from Libby (because apparently Harvey is totally untrustworthy?) Oh yeah, Hilda and Zelda are there as chaperones, but they spend almost no time at all with the kids. They’re the kind of chaperones who would let your kids lose their virginity in a maintenance closest behind the tree of life or walk around in the animal-only areas. Real winners. Actually, yeah the second one does happen. Poor, Martin Mull is the only one trying to keep these kids in line! And apparently there are also no Disney staff members around, which I find to be the least plausible part of all of this. Even less plausible than the witchcraft.
Full House features a bossy/bratty/still sweet Michelle winning a contest to become “Princess for a Day,” which she was only able to do because she cut in front of Stefanie in line. This grants Michelle the ability to have a series of wishes granted to her by the Disney Parks. She also gets to ride in a parade. And there are posters at every park and hotel declaring her the Disney Princess. This is ridiculous and I would like to subtract points for it, but overall the show has a better plot than that of Sabrina. There’s just no way that Disney World (who wants to make EVERY kid feel like princess/prince/pirate/magical creature/personified rodent/etc would ever publicly display everywhere in the park that they had a regular kid just like you to lord over you for a day on your expensive vacation. Speaking of vacation, the reason for this trip is that Jesse is taking a working-vacation with the family. His band, Jesse and The Rippers are playing at Cinderella’s Castle.
I love John Stamos, but there’s no way t
hey are Cinderella’s Castle level entertainment. These guys would be lucky to the get the stage near Canada at the World Showcase. The only Jesse and The Rippers performance I have ever enjoyed was the time they covered “Hot Child in the City” on Wake Up, San Francisco! But I can’t find that anywhere on the internet, so I am starting to worry I invented that memory. But this episode does win in terms of music, not for the band (or for the fact that Sabrina doesn’t really have music) but rather for the fact that Jesse sits down at the piano in the Grand Floridian lobby and beckons Becky to watch him doe-eyed from the balcony even though he’s been too busy working to spend time with her. He’s like some Greek-Romeo/Bryan Adams combo and it’s incredibly effective.
Other notable plot points include:
Danny proposes to Vicky using 
Fireworks at Magic Kingdom. Stephanie deals with loving Michelle even though she is an asshole. Michelle becomes less of an asshole. DJ/Kimmy/Stephanie lose Michelle and she’s rescued by Snow White. DJ thinks she sees Steve everywhere, which means that actor gets cameos as Indiana Jones and most princes (extra cool since he really was the voice of Aladdin). Then he shows up at the Grand Floridian to surprise her! (Remarkable for someone struggling to save for college.) Joey and Jesse do their radio show from the tank in the Coral Reef restaurant. (Still don’t see the point of having a radio show in a cool visual location.) And we barely see twins, Nicky & Alex, thank God!
Sabrina does have them beat on fashion though. Melissa Joan Hart is rocking some cool late-90’s checked pants and pigtail braids. God, I miss pigtail braids.
Point Break Down:
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch: Vacation Attire (1 pt) 1 pt
Full House: Integration of Disney Setting (1 pt) + Overall Plot (2 pts) + Music (1 pt) 4 pts
Very Special Winner: Full House
She’s all like Thanksgiving should be spent at home! We always had Thanksgiving with mom at home! (Yep, this is one of those rare episodes where we admit the girls once had a mom and that she died tragically). Also, Joey walks around randomly saying the “Miracle of Thanksgiving” and making a trumpet noise. Was he also the voice of Face on Nick, Jr.?
So how can they possible tell this little girl who is trying to impress her dead mom that the turkey she made sucks? Well, they don’t exactly…they shove the turkey back into the oven, crank it up as high as it will go, and try to purchase a turkey off of a couple of lost travelers who ask if they can use the phone. None of it pans out though, and the non-defrosted turkey catches on fire. Then Stephanie drops the “picture perfect pumpkin pie” and everything is ruined.
Jesse goes to talk to Stephanie (who is hiding in her closet because she dropped the “picture perfect pumpkin pie). At first things start off with the run-of-the-mill “everyone makes mistakes” lesson, but Stephanie is very adamant that not everyone makes “pie mistakes.” So Jesse decides to tell her a story about when he was a kid and did something very stupid to show that sometimes kids do stupid things and it is okay. He takes her to his room to show her a childhood photo album, specifically a haircut that he allowed her then ten year-old mother to give him when he was five. Stephanie feels better after hearing the story and enjoys seeing childhood pictures of her mother, but Jesse ends up being very upset by the whole interaction.
Stephanie also includes a gigantic crack in the middle of their house (from the earthquake). She also drew Danny outside of the house because he was late getting home on the day of the earthquake. Then, with a series of leading questions, the therapist determines that Stephanie has been anxious since the earthquake because she does not know where her dad is when he runs late getting home from work. She decides they should make a list of all of the things that Stephanie and Danny can do, so that she will not worry when he is away. She proceeds to tell them both exactly how to behave, while Stephanie eagerly writes down everything she says.
y the fact that his kid won’t take over the family business, that he decides he cannot consider him a family member anymore. I mean I get that some people take the family business super personal, but did he forget that his daughter just died like a year ago and maybe he should not be casting his remaining child off so carelessly like he has dozens of children to spare? Oh well, at least his exterminator jacket has that super cool graphic design of a dead ant on the back of it.
discover that Jesse is twenty-five years old. This is so beyond disturbing. Sure, Uncle Jesse is the cool and hot guy on this show but he cannot be anywhere close to my age. He’s like selling music and raising children and being hot and single and accomplished and how is he only twenty-five???
e kids to have stupid and irrational fears, and that she herself used to have them too. For example, she was afraid of being sucked down the drain in the bathtub when she was a kid. (This is so real. I had this same exact fear!!!) But DJ learned that the fear was unwarranted. And how did she discover that truth? By displaying some seriously sociopathic tendencies and unplugging the drain while baby Stephanie was in the bath. When Stephanie managed not to be sucked down the drain, DJ realized it was a silly fear. But oh my gosh, that is so twisted!
My boyfriend–who I forced to actually visit this blog by taking away the “read via email” function.–told me that every time a very special episode came on TV he would be like “oh noooo it’s one of those lesson episodes!” Child version of me, on the other hand, was like “Oh my gosh. This is a very important message about how to be a better person and not 
floral print sundresses equal credit. And then there are all of the adorable outfits they put little Michelle in. It’s hard to beat a toddler’s fashion, so the Bradys really shouldn’t take this loss too hard. They put up a good fight.
The Very Special Blog 