It’s Halloween-time in the Brady home and the two youngest Brady girls are certain they’ve seen a ghost. And they insist that they heard it in the attic too. I feel like they really should be more skeptical since they all worked together to make their house seem haunted a few years earlier.
Mom & Dad Brady head up to the attic to investigate and discover a rocking chair blown by the wind coming through an open window. (Hence the “ghost noises”). Having solved the mystery, they send the girls back go bed. Mom kisses Cindy goodnight and Dad kisses Marcia. No one kisses Jan.
Carol & Mike over-hear the boys laughing in their room down the hall, and realize who the “ghost” is, but you know kids will be kids so who gives a crap. Marcia never believed the ghost was real and has already deduced that the boys are to blame. So she encourages the girls to sneak around and look for evidence. They find a slide projector and discover that they have a slide of one of the boys wearing a sheet. Okay, so Jan and Cindy aren’t so dumb. I mean a slide projection in the middle of the night would be pretty creepy.
So the next night at dinner, the girls trick the boys into spending the night in the attic. They bet their allowance that the attic is haunted, and of course the boys accept the bet–thinking that the girls are idiots. Mom and Dad Brady permit this to happen because they’re always 2 steps ahead of their children and figure the girls are plotting to get even. The Bradys love some good, healthy plotting.
So the girls records some creepy voice over stuff and make some plastic ghost thing hover around the attic. Bobby and Peter are totally freaked out and evacuate the attic, thus losing the bet. Only by that time Bobby and Peter are so scared, they don’t even care. They’re worried that Greg is dead because he didn’t follow them out of the attic.
But Mom and Dad Brady have realized that this has gone to far and they all head up into the attic to discover that Greg has figured out the girls’ trick. The Brady parents ban any further pranking, but they do let the girls keep the boys allowances. That seems pretty fair since the boys started this whole thing and they figured the whole time that the girls would prank them back.
So then they all join forces and decide to scare Alice. This just goes to show that the Brady kids are really total jerks. This woman cooks for them, cleans up after them, gives them prime life advice, and–in Jan’s case–saved her from near certain depression by showing her even an iota of attention. Basically, Alice is a freaking saint and this children are assholes.
But don’t worry, they get what they deserve. They screw up the timing so it’s their parents who arrive home first, not Alice. Of course, they see through this shenanigan immediately but it’s very dark in the house, so they have to track down the kids. Mrs. Brady stupidly leaves her prize-winning bust of Mr. Brady’s head on that partial wall divider that goes around the back of their couch, dividing the living room from the entry way. Well, to be fair the house is super dark–so maybe she thinks it’s safest where she knows she won’t trip and fall while carrying it.
The only problem with that plan is that Alice arrives home while the lights are still out and thinks a creepy man is sitting on the Brady’s couch. So she shatters the bust to pieces with one swift blow to the back of the bust’s head. Then the Brady kids learn their lesson because they’re not actually total assholes.
Halloween Lesson: If you have nothing better to do with your time then terrorize your housekeeper/friend then you’re a jerk. It’s Halloween. Be more inventive.
Double Sabrina goes to Harvey’s party while real Sabrina goes to a Halloween party in the Other Realm. I’d have to say that Sabrina got this backwards and she should have sent the double to the other realms, but Hilda tries to send a double to the other realm and Zelda sees straight through it. So it looks like Sabrina made the right choice.
Or maybe not. Real-Sabrina is forced to sit a the kid’s table with her cousin, Amanda (played by Melissa Joan Hart’s real life sister). Amanda is a spoiled brat who puts people she doesn’t like in jars (with air holes luckily). It doesn’t take long for Sabrina to become her latest victim. Oh yeah and things aren’t going to great for clone Sabrina either. She’s agreed to streak to liven up the party. Clone Sabrina has no problem with this, but I have to assume that real Sabrina will. Harvey tries to talk Clone Sabrina out of streaking, but she can only utter like 3 sentences, so he just walks away confused and frustrated.
After they get home from the family party, Sabrina decides to skip the rest of Harvey’s party and stay-in to read letters from her grandmother instead. But Salem warns her not to “leave a double running around.” Sabrina gets to the house right at the same time that Clone Sabrina is streaking, which leaves everyone in the party thinking that Libby is the streaker (since she’s outside with Clone Sabrina). Libby is a jerk, but I kind of do feel bad for her here.
Cory, Shawn, Topanga, Angela, and some dude named Kenny all get detention for being disruptive in class, but Feeny leaves them alone in the room because he doesn’t want to be stuck in detention too. However, he tells them that they are still “being watched.” Shawn tries to leave immediately after Feeny, but discovers they have all been locked in the classroom.
Then the lights go out and someone murders Kenny in like 1.5 seconds. That pretty much can only mean that one of our favorite cast members is a psychopath (probably the one standing closest to him) because who else could possible have had that opportunity? But he was also murdered with a pencil to the forehead, so I guess we’re assuming a lot of things are possible in this universe.
When the janitor ends up dead too, the group has to accept that the killer is one of them (which I knew ten minutes ago, geez.) But Topanga insists that there must be someone else in the building, so they leave Eric out as guard/bait while the rest of them hide in the classroom. Just then, Jennifer Love Hewitt shows up and she and Eric make out. (This was back when they were dating in real life.)
Angela and Jack die next, when the killer pushes them out of a window. Now only Cory, Topanga, and Shawn are left facing the killer. Shawn unmasks him and discovers his own face is under the mask. It’s like super trippy. Clearly, this is all just a dream. But Shawn’s obviously really enmeshed with Cory & Topanga. I guess we already knew that though. Also, that means that Shawn was dreaming about who out of his friends is/is not a virgin. The end!
When Twitter failed him, he wrote a detailed letter.
First of all, I would like to thank very special reader, 
So then Bravestarr’s horse/partner restrains the hallucinating guy, who is apparently high on a drug called “Spin.” All’s well, right? Nope. We cut to a personified wolf selling Spin to kids. They probably trust him because of his British accent and three-piece suit, but one of them is smart enough not to let him pour the effervescent/seemingly on fire liquid that is “Spin” into the palm of his hand.
With each passing moment, the people of space-cowboy-town are dying from the Spin epidemic. The little kid who was like hell no, I am not doing Spin, almost tells the marshall about the wolf-man pusher. But he remembers that he promised he wouldn’t tell. So then his friend keeps doing drugs, and then he starts to speak in a creepy voice. He literally sounds like he has had a lobotomy and like spin is the only word he can remember how to accurately pronounce.
This episode is terrifying. It’s so abnormal for Family Matters to pull something like this that they had to have Steve warn the audience that this episode is “a little scary” (a.k.a. get the kids out of the room, or they will all have nightmares forever). Well, I was a kid that was not removed from the room, and thus ventriloquist dummies have been horrifying to me ever since. Today, I conquer that fear.
He sneaks down the chimney and tricks poor, dumb Eddie into thinking he’s Santa. Then he straight up kills him. One of the Winslows is already dead! Then Stevil chops Laura up into pieces and puts her body in all of the kitchen cabinets. It’s horrible, but she can still talk and quip and I guess that’s somehow supposed to make us feel better. But it doesn’t make us feel better! It makes us think that we could be chopped into pieces and live to tell about it as a decapitated person. Ugh!
And Carl laughs. He doesn’t believe him. It’s all so ridiculous. He tells Steve to lighten up. AND THEN IT TURNS OUT THAT CARL IS STEVIL’S VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY. The only thing left to do is for Steve to physically fight Stevil, which is surprisingly hard. I mean Steve doesn’t have the best hand-eye coordinator, and for a while it seems like Stevil will probably win this fight.
But then Steve rips off Stevil’s head and dismembers him like Stevil did to the Winslows. But then Stevil’s body parts find all of their missing pieces and reconnect. And like basically at this point, if I were Steve, I’d pretty much decide I was doomed. But then Steve wakes up and it’s just a dream. (Ah, yes. The dream trope.) And then Eddie threatens to lobotomize Steve with a hand-mixer. But that’s just a dream too! So then Steve wakes up for real and he and Eddie go off to have a nice day and the dummy is just a dummy.
Tonight, I decided to give up crafting for good. I used to have a knack for it, but something’s gone wrong. When I was trying to make a pop-up book scene with Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan warming up for the ’94 Lillehammer Olympics, I realized I was out of my league. Nancy was fine and moved along her little figure skating track with poise and ease. But Tanya’s glue got stuck on the edge of the track, and when I tried to move her piece across the page, she ripped the whole bottom of the rink. She’s always having problems. I tried to glue everything back together, but all hope was lost. And honestly, it didn’t match my vision to begin with. I’m pretty sure I’ve got the crafting yips, so I’m just going to give up and point. I’m not even going to fail gracefully or persevere until the job is done. And you know what, I’d also like to apologize to Tanya Harding. Even in pop-up books, I’ve managed to create a world where the odds were stacked against her.
Spoilers abound, but I trust that everyone else on the planet has seen this movie by this point in time. I mean by the time the phone rings for the third time, I feel like Drew should seriously stop answering it. Poor Drew. I really just want to hang out with her and be her friend right now and this dude is being such a monster. (Am I getting too attached to these characters?)
boyfriend, Billy kind of looks like a poor man’s Johnny Depp. I feel like he’s a jerk though. OMG the Fonz is in this movie?!? Oh crap, and it’s super heartbreaking what happened to Neve’s mom! Also, like really really odd that her dad would leave her home alone only a year after that happened…such a horror movie setup.
Also, I feel like these kids are being kind of rude having a party right now with all of the awfulness going on in their town. And I guess, Rose McGowan is also not the killer. It was pretty ambitious of her to try to make it through a door made for a cat. I mean she certainly went down swinging.
So who did it? Video store kid or Shaggy from Scooby Doo, the live action films? Also, it’s truly remarkable that Billy is still kicking. Don’t give him the gun though. Everyone alive is still a suspect!!! OMG IT IS BILLY. I knew he was a jerk! This went back and forth for so long. So who is his accomplice? SHAGGY FROM SCOOBY DOO! What will the Mystery Team say??
Omg, yay Courtney Cox hooray! Now you and Neve can be best friends. Oh gosh darn it. This never ends. How in the hell is Billy still alive? Okay, Courtney Cox to the rescue for real this time.
Soon, Bliss-addicted Boris is back in the alleyway buying more drugs from the rat-man (theVillainous Skumm) because Linka threw his drugs down a storm cellar and now he’s illin’ like nobody’s business. Boris claims that Bliss can make you happier than anything else in life and the rat man agrees, saying that “when you’re used to Bliss, anything else is a real pain.” I’m thinking that Bliss must have been an early form of Crystal Meth, especially because Boris is now considering trading his cousin for more Bliss. Yep, that’s right. You thought you were getting an episode about drugs and you’re actually getting a lesson about the dangers of human trafficking.)
Luckily, the Planeteers head to Washington, D.C. to save Linka (who has been force-fed Bliss) from the rest of the addicts/zombies. I mean we’re talking straight-up apocalyptic scenario here. The Planeteers are throwing fire and water like nobody’s business, while the addicts wander around like the living dead in search of more Bliss. The Planeteers need Captain Planet to get out of this. But they can’t call him without Linka, and she’s too high on Bliss to help them.
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